Blood Of The Vines - Gene Hackman, R.I.P.

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we honor another great who has gone to the great hereafter. We have wine pairings, too, of course.

Gene Hackman passed away at the age of 95, leaving a lot of questions unanswered at the time I'm writing this. He also left behind some great movies, including Oscar fodder like The French Connection, Unforgiven and Bonnie and Clyde. Picking three of his films was not easy, but not because the pickings were slim.

Hackman made five films in 2001, but The Royal Tenenbaums topped the list. Directed by Wes Anderson, Tenenbaums stars Hackman as an absentee father of three adults he hasn't seen since they were teenagers. They were child prodigies who peaked too soon. His character tries to churn up some familial love by claiming to be dying. Well, we're all dying, aren't we? It's just a matter of time. The best we can hope for is a good epitaph.

Let's name-check a wine for The Royal Tenenbaums. Covenant Wines makes kosher wine, inspired by the wines of Rabbi Elchonon Tenenbaum in Napa. He likes the Zinfandel, but Covenant carries an entire line of kosher wines that taste good. 

Prime Cut was a dark 1972 glimpse of the underbelly of the underworld in the American Midwest. Director Michael Ritchie - before Bad News Bears - manages to juxtapose the sex trade with slaughterhouses, and it doesn't seem like that much of a reach. Anyhow, Hackman plays a miscreant meatpacker against Lee Marvin's mob muscle. 

For some reason, the scene that stuck in my seventeen-year-old mind was Marvin looking over Hackman as he tore through a hideous looking plate of food. "You eat guts," says Marvin. Hackman replies, with a mouthful of food, "Yeah. I like 'em." Then Marvin blocks the plate and says "Talk now, eat later." The scene leaves me with mixed feelings about sausage.

We will want a wine for Prime Cut which pairs nicely with midwestern beef. You may opt for a Napa Cab - nothing wrong with that choice if you are afraid to branch out. I'll go out on a limb for Zinfandel without any prompting. Beekeeper Zinfandel hails from Sonoma County and will face off against any Cab, anytime. And, people who wear labcoats to work say red wine is not only good with guts, but also good for your gut. As long as you don't drink too much of it. Cheers.

1974's The Conversation examines how the teller tells the tale, and how the listener chooses to hear the information. Hackman plays a nerdy audio guy who listens in on other people's conversations for a living. One conversation reveals a murder plot, and he pulls off the headphones to try and stop it from happening. Of course, when you start really listening, you can notice things you didn't notice before. 

My own career spanned more than a few years working in and around audio. At one radio station, we recorded all phone calls on the request line, in case something happened that we could use on the air. We used birthday wishes, anniversary dedications, and the like. Pretty tame stuff. Then, there was the guy who threatened to come to the station and cut out my heart with a pair of scissors if I didn't play "Free Bird." Hackman's audio guy would love to listen to that one over and over.

I have it on good authority (some guy posting on Instagram) that Hackman liked the Chardonnay of Pouilly-Fuissé. I don't see anything wrong with that. André the Giant liked it, too. Reportedly. Hospices de Beaune makes a good one that starts at more than a Benjamin. Louis Jadot makes a good one for a fraction of the price.

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Blood Of The Vines - Yet More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, another theme without a theme. We throw out the Strunk and White guide book to bring you wine pairings for yet more movies you never heard of.

Pale Flower is a 1964 Japanese film noir, directed by Masahiro Shinoda. The film follows a gangster who meets a woman at a gambling room. She's that girlfriend who is a lot of fun, but is also a dead end street. "Danger, Will Robinson! Run, don't walk!"

Well, our gangster doesn't run, he doesn't even walk. He is attracted by this thrill-seeker, who drags him into her world of ever-increasing risk. Is it fun? You bet it is. Is it advisable? Hell to the no. 

Be forewarned that Pale Flower has plenty of blooms that may upset a viewer. Crime, prison, sex, cold-blooded murder… everything a good film noir needs is there. All we need now is some booze to wash it down.

Grab a bottle of Pale Flowers for Pale Flower. It's a Grenache rosé from Paso Robles' Linne Calodo, pale enough to pass as Provençe.

The 1992 documentary, Baraka, takes us on a trip around the world without any narration or explanation. The visuals carry the load. We go from Big Sur to a coal mine, from the pyramids to a waterfall, from Tiananmen Square to the Vatican. It's a travelogue with just the travel, no logue. The images shown in Baraka are striking enough that words are superfluous. 

Although your inner gangster may opt for whiskey, neat, you are probably adventurous enough to seek out the namesake Croatian wine for Baraka, produced across the Adriatic Sea from Italy.  The Baraka Prisbus Riserva is a Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot blend that's been in the cellar for three years and sports a very conservative label, no pictures.

Our third seldom seen film is from 2002, My Beautiful Girl, Mari. This Korean animation feature tells the story of one boy's summertime and his growth over that span. For me, that pivotal summer was after 6th grade. The sweet object of my affection that year turned up in 7th grade as a street-smart, gum-cracking wiseass. "Time to grow up, Ran. They're leaving you behind." Oh, she was still the object of my affection, only now she was sexy, too.

Mari shows our struggling hero coping with his troubles in a dream world where the sweet don't chew gum and nobody leaves anybody. How nice that must be.

Mari Vineyards is the namesake choice for a wine pairing. Hard to find, it's located in northern Michigan. Harder to understand, they grow Italian grape varieties, like Nebbiolo and Sangiovese, instead of the usual cold-climate stuff. Is this, too, a dreamscape? 

 

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Blood Of The Vines - The Days Of Quine And Roses

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we pair wines with three worthwhile films from director Richard Quine.

Operation Mad Ball is a military farce from 1957. Quine had some great actors in this film. Jack Lemmon, Ernie Kovacs, Mickey Rooney, Arthur O’Connell, Dick York, James Darren, and an uncredited Mary Tyler Moore in her first screen role. He also had Blake Edwards as a co-writer. 

The film takes place at a U.S. Army hospital in France. A big dance is planned, the titular Mad Ball, in an effort to keep post-WWII morale high. A nosy captain who plays everything strictly by the book does everything he can to screw morale into the ground. Isn't that a captain’s job?

More was made of the army hospital scenario in M*A*S*H, on big screens and small, but perhaps 1957 was "too soon" for a comedy about Korea.

It’s just the right time, however, to pair a Quine movie with a wine that has his name on all over it. Domaine Le Quine is in the exquisite southern Rhône Valley. Their Saint Mark's Cross is a GSM blend, heavy on the Grenache and light on the Syrah, with Mourvèdre in the middle. 

Kim Novak and James Stewart may have been feeling a bit dizzy from Vertigo when they teamed up, again, less than a year later for Bell, Book and Candle. This 1958 romantic comedy is set in Manhattan, during the Christmas season.  Quine spins the story around a subculture of witches there. He also lets Jack Lemmon take off with a bongo solo in the local witch and warlock hangout.

Witches aside, it is a beautifully shot movie and makes a great way to kick off the holiday season, if you don't concentrate too much on the meaning of the title.  A bell, book, and candle are used in excommunication rites, so linking that imagery with the Christmas season may seem a bit Grinchly.

Because of the feline costar of Bell, Book and Candle, Pyewacket became a popular name for cats.  Apparently, cats are closely bonded to witches - chalk up one more reason to be a dog person.  

Carlsbad, California's Witch Creek Winery, is loaded for bear in the cat department. Le Chat Blanc would seem to be the white witch, while Screaming Kitty, their 2008 Proprietary Red blend, features Petite Sirah, Zinfandel and Primitivo. Their Chateau Neuf Du Cat screams sour cherry and a puff of smoke. Let us know if a witch appears when you open the bottle. It sells for $23 and is available only through the winery.

Hotel is the 1967 adaptation of Arthur Hailey’s bestseller. Quine directed with stellar performances from the likes of Rod Taylor, Karl Malden, Kevin McCarthy and Michael Rennie.

There’s a lot going on at the fashionable St. Gregory Hotel. The property is losing money like a degenerate gambler, there's a burglar getting into the guest rooms, the hotel detective is dirty and the elevator is on its last legs. Stir in some sex and corporate intrigue and you have a recipe for a good two hours of entertainment.

Considering all the troubles that arise in the film, it’s no wonder the hotel had a permanently lit “VACANCY” sign out front. One note if your stay there is going well: don't take the elevator.

Wine and hotels go together like wine and cheese. In fact, if your hotel doesn’t have an evening wine tasting hour to remove the edge from a day of complete relaxation, find another travel agent. Temecula’s South Coast Winery even has a spa, and they’re pretty big in the wedding business, too. If you’re okay drinking some f&%$#ing Merlot, they have a nice one for $40. They even show off their terroir with a Tempranillo-Monastrell blend and a Touriga Nacional. Beat that, Napa Valley. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Slices Of Life

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with three films that examine life by the slice.

1959's The Savage Eye is a drama and a documentary rolled into one picture. It examines how a divorced woman lives, set against a backdrop of Los Angeles city scenes. A trio of directors worked on the film during their weekends over a few years. It may have been a clever ruse to avoid taking the kids to Disneyland, but it worked out.

The divorcee isn't so gay. In fact, she finds herself cut off from the world by her failed marriage. Her views of L.A.'s not-so-soft underbelly are not exactly the stuff of which the tourist guides are made. 

Savage Grace is a $35 Malbec from Dineen Vineyard in Washington’s Yakima Valley. They call it Côt instead of Malbec, in the fancy French way. The wine may be the only fancy thing about your viewing of The Savage Eye. 

The 1973 French film, The Mother and the Whore, makes the most of France's nonchalant attitude towards les rapports sexuels, or as we say in the U.S. of A, sex.

A man, his wife, his lover, a lot of sex talk and a ménage à trois. What could go wrong? I'm reminded of the golf joke in which a couple of guys are plodding along behind two women who play slowly. One tells the other to go up ahead and ask if they could play through. The guy comes back and says, "I can't ask them. It's my wife and my girlfriend." The other says, "Okay, I'll go." He returns and says, "Small world, isn't it?" 

That joke may take the long way around a sexual dogleg, but at least it's not as long as the movie's three and a half hours. Of course, who am I to downplay three and a half hours of sexy subtitles?

The easy pairing is Ménage a Trois, but I try not to recommend six dollar wines. Gerard Bertrand makes a $25 Grenache/Syrah/Cinsault rosé called Chou Chou, which is a French term of endearment. By the end of the movie, nobody is calling anybody by a term of endearment, but cheers anyway.

Do the Right Thing is Spike Lee's 1989 slice of a hot and turbulent Brooklyn summer. Lee produced, wrote, directed and acted in the film, er, joint, his third release. There are a few laughs along the movie's two hour length, but don't expect any at the end. The slice of life ends tragically as racial tensions heat up and boil over.

You could crack open a bottle of Absolut Brooklyn, but we do wine pairings here. I think Spike would be okay with me pairing a Pinot Noir from Esterlina Vineyards of Napa Valley. I think this, because he has already paired that $65 bottle with his own films. Esterlina is the largest African-American winery in the country. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Movies About Movies

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with a trio of films about one of our favorite subjects: movies.

If you think making movies is a dream job, 1995's Living in Oblivion is for you. Steve Buscemi stars as an independent filmmaker who fights problem after pitfall after predicament to get his picture completed. It was the film debut for Peter Dinklage, by the way.

Hollywood may be the stuff that dreams are made of, but dreamy, Living in Oblivion is not, even though some of the scenes turn out to be imagined. Nightmarish is probably closer to the truth. 

I think everyone dreams about their job, and it's not always a good dream. During my time in radio, nearly every one of my colleagues has told me of their "radio dream," which usually involves trying to accomplish a complicated feat before the song ends. I'm sure it's the same with accounting, pushing a broom and selling shoes. It's the same with movies, too, according to this film. 

There are hundreds of wineries in Paso Robles, and every damn one of them extols the virtues of Paso's wide temperature swing from day to night. It's what makes the grapes so good. Oblivion Cellars jumps on that bandwagon in describing their Cabernet Sauvignon, which is available in most places for less than $20. Dreamy. 

Let me start by disclosing that Matinee, 1993, was directed by the Chief Guru at Trailers From Hell, Joe Dante. He is the guy who opens the emails containing my little articles each week, laughs his way through them, hopefully, and sends them off to be placed on the website. So, naturally, I think Matinee is the best movie ever made. Ask me about Citizen Kane and I'll tell you, "Well, it’s no Matinee."

Seriously, Matinee is a great movie, dripping with more movie-buff treats than Cheez Whiz on theater nachos. It has a permanent place on the "must watch" list for my wife and me. But as good as Matinee is, who among us didn't want to see a full-length version of Mant!, the movie within the movie. As half-man half-ant movies go, it's either Mant! or Ant-Man, and I'll take Mant! all day long. 

New York state's Fulkerson Winery has a name-check wine for our film. Matinee is a white wine made from the Himrod grape. Yeah, it stumped me, too. Himrod is a hybrid cross of Ontario grapes with seedless Thompsons. It's sweet and special, like Matinee, but it's probably tough to find on the West Coast. 

Day for Night is one of François Truffaut's best films, and it's generally considered one of the best movies ever. The 1973 rom-com not only has a great director behind the camera, it's got Jacqueline Bisset in front of it. Any movie with Jacqueline Bisset in it has a lot going for it already. 

It's about the making of a movie, and all the melodrama that goes along with such a foolhardy endeavor. The title of Day for Night comes from the photographic stunts used to film a scene in daylight when it is supposed to look like night. 

Even as a kid, I could tell when the night scenes in those old B movies had been shot in daylight. I didn't know the tricks of photography that made that happen, but I knew it when I saw it. It was the hallmark of a low-budget film. It was also something I grew to love pointing out when I saw it, to the sorrow of everyone who ever went to the movies with me. "Shut up, know-it-all!"

Commune of Buttons is an Australian winery in the Adelaide Hills. Making my job amazingly easy, they have a rosé called Day For Night. It's made from Syrah and Chardonnay grapes, which is an unusual combination. The winery says it's savory and it pairs well with pickles. I don't know why that made me laugh, and I don't know why anyone would shop for a wine to pair specifically with pickles, but here we have it. It runs about $30, pickles not included.

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Blood Of The Vines - Here Kitty

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with catcalls for films featuring feline fur. 

The Cat Man of Paris was Republic Pictures' contribution to the horror of 1946. The story involves an author whose writing is getting him into trouble. We've seen this before, but bear with us. A librarian gets clawed to death, which is not the way it's supposed to go for librarians. The Dewey Decimal System is supposed to be a safe career path.

People start giving the author the side eye for some reason, but they really get nasty when his ex meets the same fate. It's pitchforks and torches time. His current gal pal is given a gun by his friend. I think we can look up "MacGuffin" the next time we are near a dictionary that hasn't been clawed up or spattered with blood. I won't spoil the ending for you, but the gun and the friend who gave it to her end up in the same obituary.

We have to go here with a rosé called La Nuit Tous Les Chats Sont Gris. That translates roughly to "At night, all cats are grey." That may be due to the work of the cold-hearted orb that rules the night, or it may not. But who am I to turn down a rosé that is almost from Provence?

In Cat People, a man marries a woman who is afraid she will become a killer cat if she has sex with her husband. That takes "I've got a headache" to a new level. I'm guessing this wasn't what they meant by a "lady in the parlor, tiger in the bedroom." When I think of cat people, I think of that crazy lady down the street who has about 27 of them living in her one-room apartment. 

I hear that Cat People, the 1942 original, in glorious and shadowy black and white, was shrugged off as a cheap horror flick by critics of the day. Since then, though, they have started calling it a "smart little drama," maybe after a few glasses of wine. Over the years, the film has become a cultural touchstone. It has left its paw prints in the Library of Congress and is even in the New York Museum of Modern Art. Not to mention the references all over the Internet. That's one place where a kitty feels right at home.

Let’s get our claws into a wine pairing for Cat People. Napa's Black Cat Vineyard quotes Mark Twain: "If man would be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat." Meow! Normally, we look for dogs at wineries, but this one went the other way. Their top shelf Cabs run $120, which is also what their bottom shelf Cabs run.

If you want a sequel, here comes 1944's The Curse of the Cat People. Don’t dig in, though. Although several of the characters and actors from Cat People appear, the story is completely detached from the original and cats are all but inconsequential. The film is more like a fairy tale than a horror movie and as TFH guru Joe Dante suggests, it may have been better suited as a Disney production.

The ghost story has a complicated plot and leans heavily on a child and her imaginary friends. I'm not opposed to children, or imaginary friends, but it seems this flick should have had either a different title or a different script. 

Hirsch Vineyards has a Pinot Noir called The Bohan-Dillon, made with grapes grown in western Sonoma County. It's good, I'm told, but what really gets it listed here is the label art featuring a black cat prowling through the tall grass. $45 if you can find it. 

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Blood Of The Vines - David Lynch Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we mourn the loss of another film icon. So far, 2025 really sucks. We have some wine pairings to help you get through it.

Descriptions cannot do 1977's Eraserhead justice. You may not understand it, but you'll sure as hell never forget it. The first full-length film from David Lynch features a weird dude who is almost incapable of behaving like a human. Even weirder is his offspring by the Beautiful Lady Across the Hall. The baby-sized creature makes the most annoying sound one can imagine from a living thing. 

Speaking of sound, the whole movie has white noise growing throughout. When it abruptly ends, the silence is deafening. Lynch's title character gets his name from a sequence in which his disembodied head falls on the street and cracks open. A kid gathers it up, takes it to a pencil factory, and it is made into erasers. 

Back in the Golden Tan Summer of '77, a buddy and I traveled an hour and a half to see Eraserhead at an art house in Houston. We were mystified, but not disappointed, by the movie. If you have never seen Eraserhead, you should strap in and prepare for what may well be the strangest film ever made.

Eraserhead is a term used in vineyards, believe it or not. It describes a bud on a grapevine before it opens. Unfortunately, we don't make wine from eraserheads, we make wine from grapes, preferably good grapes.

Lynch designed the packaging for the 2003 Dom Perignon Brut. It runs close to $300 and often sells only in half-cases. The boxed version reportedly had little velvet curtains that rose by pulling a drawstring on the side. The Lady in the Radiator is extra.

The talk of 1986 was, at least in movies, Lynch's magnum opus of weirdness, Blue Velvet. My close friend Tom took his girlfriend to see it during its opening weekend. He called me on Monday, advising me to see it, while warning me not to take a date. "Don't let the title fool you," he said. "It's not a date movie."

It is a disturbing film, but after seeing Eraserhead, I expected nothing less. Many critics panned Blue Velvet, citing its extreme violence, brutal sexuality, and dreamlike quality. Their views have largely mellowed over the years. Now the film is hailed as a masterpiece. Maybe the critics were inhaling whatever Frank Booth was having. 

Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth is the most unhinged and deranged character of the Hopper pantheon. His psychotic violence and reliance on some sort of gas, which he huffs from an oxygen mask, are both horrifying and spellbinding. If you think to yourself, "Hey, I once knew a guy like that," you are lucky to still be alive. 

Kyle MacLachlan, who played Jeffrey Beaumont in Blue Velvet, owns a Washington state winery called Pursued By Bear. Their 2021 Cabernet Sauvignon is a fine accompaniment for the film. It sells for $70. You won't find it on the wine list at This Is It, but you won't find a wine list there, either. Just order a Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!

In 1980, The Elephant Man brought Lynch to commercial and artistic success. The story of Joseph Merrick, a severely disfigured man in 19th century London, was critically acclaimed and a big hit at the box office. The film garnered a heap of Oscar nominations, notably for Best Picture and Best Actor for John Hurt. However, no wins resulted.

At the time, the line, "I am not an animal. I am a human being," became a part of pop culture. Mostly used by ignorant people trying to be funny, the phrase was often spoken in tortured bellowing, cheaply imitating Hurt's incredibly moving performance.

The movie was actually produced by Mel Brooks, whose name did not appear in the credits for fear movie-goers would expect a comedy.

New Zealand's Elephant Hill winery sells a red blend for $150. It's called Hieronymus, which means it will also pair if you're eyeballing some Dutch masterworks, or binge watching Bosch again. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Michael Schlesinger Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we remember a guy who was hard to forget. We have wine pairings, too, for the inevitable toasts to his name.

The late film exec and TFH guru Michael Schlesinger was a connoisseur of fine film. The 1963 madcap comedy, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, was one of his favorites. It stars Spencer Tracy, backed up by an all-star cast featuring Edie Adams, Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett, Ethel Merman, Dorothy Provine, (lemme catch my breath), Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Phil Silvers, (did I say Dorothy Provine?), Terry-Thomas, Jonathan Winters and about 200 other notables in cameos.  Mr. Winters was enough to grab me as I was already a huge fan by the tender age of eight years. This movie puts the mad in madcap, the screw in screwball, the slap in slapstick and the road in road comedy. To be precise, it puts four mads in madcap. 

The characters all scramble to be the first to discover the hiding place of $350,000 in stolen cash.  Jimmy Durante spills the beans about the money before dropping dead.  For his "the gold...it’s in the…" moment, Durante tells the assembled mob only that the treasure is under a big W. Let the money madness begin. 

Director Stanley Kramer was reportedly none too happy about the studio ripping out footage like a drywall demo team. Apparently nobody told him that Hollywood didn't need any three-hour comedies. Even with more than a half an hour of celluloid on the cutting room floor, the movie still ran 161 minutes. To quote Robert Vaughn from Blake Edwards’ S.O.B., "That's too long."

Nowadays the movie runs well over three hours. For some people, that's a lot of Terry-Thomas. So, just open three bottles of wine to get through the viewing. Try Madcap, a red blend from British Columbia's Okanagan Valley. The winery, Fairview Cellars, is described as being "on the Reed Creek alluvial Fan at the North end of the Benches of the Golden Mile." I think there may be too many capital letters there, but that's how they wrote it.

2015's The Adventures of Biffle and Shooster uses the comedy team of Laurel and Hardy as a touchstone, right down to the ill-fitting suits and schemes you just know are never going to work. Benny Biffle and Sam Shooster (Nick Santa Maria and Will Ryan) are a vaudeville duo who supposedly ran afoul of Hal Roach's good graces over their copycat film shorts. These efforts are set in 1930s black and white, with jokes that seem about that fresh.

It's all done in great fun, however. The handful of shorts are directed and written by Schlesinger with the love of a true cinephile, not the snarky snickers of someone who doesn't get the source material to begin with.

If you consider Biffle and Shooster a knockoff of Laurel and Hardy, how about a Knockoff Chardonnay from Replica Wines? They say they reverse-engineer their winemaking to imitate the qualities of other, high-priced, wines. Don't know who their sights were set on with the $16 2018 Knockoff Chardonnay, but they say it has a buttery kick to it.

1937's Sh! the Octopus was another Schlesinger fave. The movie is as weird as the title. Warner Brothers mainstays Hugh Herbert and Allen Jenkins serve as the sort of detectives you would expect to find in a '30s comedy-mystery set in a lighthouse and featuring a giant octopus. If, indeed, you have any expectations that fit those parameters. 

This movie proves that every now and then, we need a wine with an octopus on the label. Extra points if it's a really great wine. Holus Bolus to the rescue. The Santa Barbara County artisan outfit has a mollusk on its Grenache, Syrah, and my beloved Bien Nacido Vineyard Roussanne, all for $40 each. I'd suggest an eight-pack. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Monsieur Auteur Jerry

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we deal with wine pairings for three films featuring le roi de la comédie, Jerry Lewis. 

The two faces of Jerry Lewis. There is the lovable loon, the frantic, crazy clown who put a drinking glass inside his distended lips for a laugh. Then there is the smug, super serious Rat Pack wannabe who called for the tote board update once an hour during Labor Day weekends for so many years. If you knew him only through his movies, you probably knew him as the funny clown. If you had ever met him personally, it was likely the sad clown you remembered.  

I saw Jerry Lewis do a one-man show at an off-strip hotel in Las Vegas. It was one of the better live performances I ever attended. The typewriter bit made it worth the money, er, the player's card points.

One More Time did not star Lewis, but he directed it. The 1970 feature found Jerry in his auteur phase, during which he sported a beard. The facial hair did make him look more like a director, but it wasn't funny, so eventually it had to go. He brought it back in his gray years, and it actually looked kinda funny then.

Rat Packers Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford reprise their roles as Salt and Pepper, respectively. Pepper goes to his twin brother, seeking a loan to keep a nightclub in business. Bro declines to front the money, but when he turns up murdered, Pepper takes his brother's identity and becomes wealthy. He also becomes the target of the mobsters who were his associates. The pair then takes on the job of trying to send the bad guys to prison. 

It's not the laugh riot that may have been expected from Lewis fans. That may be why it's the only film Jerry directed in which he did not star. Or vice versa. 

Let's go to Portugal for a wine called MOB. Specifically, it's M.O.B., for the collaborative winemakers Moreira, Olazabal, and Borges. Their M.O.B. Senna White is made from grapes called Encruzado and Bical. I've never heard of them, either, but it'll cost you about $25 to find out what they taste like. Call this one Salt, and the matching red wine Pepper. 

Back in 1961, Lewis helmed and starred in The Ladies Man. Lewis fans will know this film as the origin of what became a Jerry Lewis calling card, his adenoidal yell of "Hey laaady!"

He plays a dweeb who gives up women after losing his girlfriend. I guess he figured there wasn't much more to lose. He takes a job at a boarding house, only to discover that it is populated entirely by females. Wouldn't ya just know it? The sad clown gives way to the funny clown in one misadventure after another. Even those who don't care much for the Lewis brand of comedy say that this is one of his best films. 

Langman Estate has a bottle of old vine Zinfandel from the Sierra Foothills, called Herbert Ranch. I'd love to say it was named for Lewis' Ladies Man character, Herbert Heebert. More likely, it was named for the guy who owns the vineyard. 50 bucks, and it's in limited supply.

In The Patsy, from 1964, Lewis plays a bellhop who finds himself recruited to take the place of a star who just died in a plane crash. Why the dead star's managers decide to groom a talentless bellhop as their new gravy train is left as a mystery. You see this coming, right? His appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show is a smashing success. He is Rupert Pupkin, without the kidnapping, a schmuck who is elevated to star status. Perhaps the scenario presages the rise of reality television, in which schmucks attain star status on a weekly basis. 

There is supposed to be a Schmuck Winery in Franken, Germany and a 5 Schmucks Winery on the outskirts of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, but neither are very accessible. Apparently, they weren't very good, either.  After spending way too much time down the "Schmuck wine" rabbit hole, I came to my senses. 

The Rat Pack supposedly enjoyed J&B Rare Scotch whisky. At least that's what Artificial Intelligence tells me, then just stands there with a casual "what?" on its digital lips. Chivas Regal and Jack Daniels get mentioned, thanks to Sinatra. Hey, if Sinatra was drinking it, weren't they all? "We'll have whatever Frank's having."

Australia's Minim Winery gives us a wine called Patsy, which sounds like as good a choice as any. A white blend of Fiano and Vermentino, Patsy runs about $30. It sounds like a good wine for summers on the coast, or for toasting your recently achieved schmuckhood. 

Blood Of The Vines - Nature Gone Mad

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we get back to a little good ol' fashioned horror, with some, hopefully, not-so-horrible wine pairings for our three films.

If you’re looking for a hotbed of horror, 1984 is probably a good year in which to start, with movies like The Terminator, Bloodsuckers from Outer Space, and C.H.U.D. That last one features a split-level universe, where nuclear survivors live either above or below ground.

In 1984's Rats--Night of Terror, the war survivors do the same thing, living underground in safety or above ground in danger. Fallout, anyone? A group of the less fortunate come across an old research lab. Unbeknownst to them, the lab rats now run the place.

As you might expect, the group is picked off and killed, one by painful one. The rats are relentless, four-legged, pointy-nosed zombies with an appetite for anything that walks into town. Get that popcorn ready!

Curiously, no one tried to make friends with the rats and sing a love song to them, as in Ben from 1972. By the way, if anyone has a story about what made Michael Jackson agree to sing that film's theme song, I'd love to hear it. I know he was just coming out of his Jackson Five stage, but he was apparently old enough then to be making his own decisions. Big number one hit, sure. Can't argue with success. But the derision follows it to this day. 

Sage Rat Winery in Washington's Yakima Valley worked with Sonder of Rattlesnake Hills for their Carbonic Nebbiolo. It's a light-bodied red or a dark rosé, take your pick. It's only $24, so pick a few. 

Steven Spielberg put Peter Benchley's book, "Jaws," to celluloid in 1975. Robert Shaw plays a professional shark hunter, which has to look odd in the "occupation" blank on the tax returns every year. It has to be a tough way to make a living, too. Think how many shark-tooth necklaces you have to sell just to pay the note on your boat. By the way, you'll need a bigger boat. Shaw reportedly didn't like the book and wanted to pass on the role of Quint. His wife and secretary convinced him otherwise, as they did with From Russia With Love.

Jaws caused more changes to vacation plans that year than a Hawaii hurricane. As a kid, I witnessed my neighbor suffering a sting from a Portuguese man o' war. There are things out there that can hurt you. Since then, my beach excursions have ventured no closer to the water than the nearest seaside bar.

In Jaws, Quint chugs and crushes a Narragansett beer, a feat that was tougher in '75 than it is now because today's Narragansett cans are 40% lighter.  As for wine, Roy Schneider's police chief is seen drinking Barton and Guestier Beaujolais by the tumbler. I'll use a wine glass, thanks. It's a $20 bottle. 

Poultrygeist, subtitled as The Night of the Chicken Dead, takes nothing seriously, so neither will we. The topic here is chickens. Chickens that turn the table on man and scratch out a sign in the dirt saying, "Eat Mor Peepul."

As in Poultergeist, this movie involves the invasion of a sacred burial ground. The trouble starts when a fast food franchise moves in on the memorialized dead.  What erupts afterward (and erupts is the right word) is nothing for the squeamish.  If you really are having coq au vin with this film, you've got a stronger constitution that I have, and that's saying a lot.

Lloyd Kaufman, the man behind the movie, says if there's a more graphic depiction of explosive diarrhea than the one in this film, even he doesn't want to see it.  The sight of big chickens exacting their revenge on the employees of this eatery is played for the bloodiest kind of humor.  It's like a chicken dinner in reverse, with the meat served very rare.  

Pairing wine with chicken is easy.  There are hundreds of apps available for the purpose of food and wine pairing. The Rolling Stones might have sung that pairings, in a more digital environment, are just a click away. Or, in this case, just a cluck away.  

Rex Goliath Wines are represented by a big ol' fightin' rooster on the label. The wines are all sourced from that exclusive appellation known as "California," which is located just west of "the rest of the world."  You won't be branded a wine snob when you plop a magnum of Rex Goliath down on the coffee table.  Best of all, it's really cheep. Er, cheap.

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Blood Of The Vines - Clowning Around

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we hope you don't have an aversion to clowns. If you do, the wine pairings for these movies should help get you through.

Your favorite clown movie may be missing from this compendium. Mine is. I suppose there is only so much room on the Internet. Hard choices have to be made. Shakes the Clown didn't make the list. More's the pity. Neither did Clown, The Clown Murders, Wrinkles the Clown, It, The Greatest Show on Earth, and, inexplicably, Joker. Married to the Mob has a great clown scene in it, but not enough to make it a real clown movie.

A Thousand Clowns has only one clown in it, and he's really a chipmunk. The film stars Jason Robards, Barbara Harris, Martin Balsam and Barry Gordon. Gordon was a long-serving member of the Screen Actors Guild, but he played a 12-year-old when this movie was made, in 1965.

Robards plays a single dad who looks after his nephew. He wrote jokes for Chuckles the Chipmunk until it became a J-O-B. His biggest fear is falling into the life of an Average Joe, so he throws real life concerns overboard to hold on to his whimsy. The state doesn't consider whimsy a good environment for a 12-year-old, and they threaten to take the kid from him if he doesn't find work.

He wrestles with the notion of  9-to-5 before caving in for the sake of his nephew. I know that terse description doesn't make it sound like much, but it's actually a pretty good film.

Chipmunk Tinto is made from three wonderful Portuguese grapes: Touriga Franca, Tinta Roriz, and Touriga Nacional. A nice wine from the Douro Valley, it sells online for around $20.

At the Circus is a 1939 Marx Brothers movie. In this romp, Groucho, Harpo and Chico help prevent a circus from going bankrupt. Where were you when I needed you, guys? In addition to the Marxes, you also get the ever-flummoxed Margaret Dumont and the debut rendition of the song, "Lydia, the Tattooed Lady." You had me at Margaret Dumont, one of the great straight men. Er, straight women.

Some of the circus employees, like the strongman, the little person, and the gorilla, aid the brothers in their quest to recapture the outfit from a hostile takeover attempt. Back then, a hostile takeover was referred to simply as "stealing."

It's a fun flick, and if you're one of those clown-phobic types, just cover your eyes while they're on screen. 

Michael David Winery has a Cabernet Sauvignon called Freakshow with some circus types depicted on the label. $15 for a Central Coast Cab is not a bad deal. It's cheaper than buying a circus. 

In 1988, someone greenlighted Killer Klowns from Outer Space. That person is probably at least that far from the movie industry now. 

The working title was simply, Killer Klowns, but the producers thought people would think it was a slasher movie. In a stroke of genius, they added "from Outer Space" to the marquee, ordered a rewrite, and proceeded to make a cult classic. Think of how easily that changes your perception of a film. National Velvet from Outer Space, The Godfather from Outer Space, and When Harry Met Sally from Outer Space all get a conceptual makeover from that technique. 

An online search led me to several Etsy sites which sell glassware devoted to Killer Klowns from Outer Space. If you're into it, have at it. Me, I'll use my standard unadorned wine glass for sipping Mollydooker's Carnival of Love Shiraz. It's a hundred dollar wine. The clowns on the label look more like court jesters at Mardi Gras, but at least it's expensive. 

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Blood Of The Vines - 3 Great Westerns

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we toast to a little Americana. A trio of great movies that feature the American West, in all its rip-roarin', six-shootin', horse ridin' glory. 

When I was a kid, my mom was a night owl. She stayed up late and watched TV until the stations went off the air. Yes, Virginia, there was a time before 24/7 television. The local station played an old movie every weeknight after Johnny Carson. Look it up, Virginia. The station was cheap, and they bought only enough movies to last a month before they repeated them. I remember my mom, about halfway through the summer, bitching endlessly about having to watch Taras Bulba and 3:10 to Yuma over and over. The way she threw her whole being into the word Yuma was hilarious. Occasional viewings were okay with her, but not once a month. 

3:10 to Yuma is from 1957, the year my sister was born. Maybe that was a trigger for mom, I don't know. Glenn Ford and Van Heflin star in the film, which was based on a short story by Elmore Leonard. Ford is a bad guy and Heflin is the good guy charged with taking the captured murderer to justice. There is only a trace of Mr. Eddie's Father in Ford's performance, and it comes at the end of the movie. No spoilers. 

The dusty desert setting calls for a wine that can wet a whistle.  Arizona Stronghold takes the names for their wines from Native American legend - Tazi, Nachise, Lozen - which conjure up images of a saguaro cactus and a guy waiting for a train as the tumbleweeds blow by.

Stagecoach is a 1939 classic from the archives of both John Ford and John Wayne. Ford directed Wayne as the Ringo Kid, and both cemented their legendary status with their work. Stagecoach is one of the most lauded films of all time, and you don't have to take it from me. Orson Welles said he watched it dozens of times when he was preparing to make Citizen Kane, although I don't recall too many cowboy hats in Citizen Kane. No stagecoaches, either. 

The story involves a few characters sharing a stage traveling through dangerous Native American territory. Okay, a boozer, a hooker, and a whiskey salesman, if you must know. Which sounds like the setup to a joke that carries the punchline, "How far is the Old Log Inn?" 

I mentioned that the film has many laurels on which to rest, but the depiction of Indians as ruthless savages is a bone being picked harder harder than your Thanksgiving turkey's wishbone. Since all turkeys have wishbones, did no turkey ever wish to not be decapitated and cooked? Just something that bobs up in my mind this time each year.

For this wine pairing, I'm just going to go generic and let you choose one in your price range. Keep it in mind for Christmas. Sauvignon Blanc goes well with turkey, and maybe you have a few turkey sandwiches left on the platter. Chardonnay will be fine if you have bolder tastes. 

1959's No Name on the Bullet finds Audie Murphy playing the heavy, for a change, as a hired killer.  He never did any alcohol or tobacco commercials, fearing he'd be a bad example for the youngsters.  That's my job.

So, advertising for beer was bad, but playing a murderer was okay?  Whatevs.  Anyhow, No Name on the Bullet is a film which has been lauded for its chin-stroking metaphysical side, even though Murphy, in the film, does not play a game of chess with death.

19 Crimes wine has the most bizarre backstory of any bottled beverage.  The various bottlings are dedicated to British criminals who were sent to live in the Australian penal colony.  Conviction of any one of 19 specific crimes earned the luckless lawbreaker a spot on the ship.  Among the crimes were stealing fish from a pond or river, bigamy, and impersonating an Egyptian. Professional murder was not one of the punishable offenses.  If you get bored with the movie, the criminal on the label tells his or her story through the magic of modern technology.

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Blood Of The Vines - Apes Of Wrath

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, a simian trio of films. Big screen apes, and the wines to make them more palatable. 

Monkey Business, the 1952 screwball comedy directed by Howard Hawks, is one of those hard-to-believe-yet-kinda-funny-in-a-way movies. That's the textbook definition of a screwball comedy, by the way. You could look it up.

Cary Grant plays an absent-minded chemist, and the laughs are welling up already. He has invented a youth elixir, but hasn't tested it yet. Here comes the monkey, so fasten your laughter harness. One of his chimps gets loose in the office and pours the fountain of youth into the office Sparkletts dispenser. You can almost hear the audience giving forth with an expectant, "uh-oh." 

Well, everybody and the monkey's uncle unwittingly drink the concoction, sending them into a second childhood. Things get even wackier when an actual baby is thrown into the screenplay. What else could one expect when you keep chimps in your workplace? For laughs, you can't beat this stuff. In addition to Mr. Grant, you get Ginger Rogers and Marilyn Monroe, so the giggles get girly, too. 

We haven't sampled an Arizona wine lately, so let's dip into a barrel of Cheeky Monkey Sauvignon Blanc, from Elgin Winery and Distillery. It's a $25 investment, and they say it's dry. Unlike this film's humor. 

The Banana Monster was originally titled Shlock when a very young TFH Guru John Landis made it in 1971. He also starred in it, wearing a gorilla suit designed by none other than seven-time Oscar winner Rick Baker. Landis explains that after his success with Animal House, the distributor revived Schlock with the new title. People didn't like it under either name and stayed away in droves. It is notable mainly for Landis being perhaps the skinniest gorilla you have ever seen. Jump cut to the drinks.

Banana wine is an obvious choice here, but you apparently have to make your own, as nobody seems to sell it pre-made. Hmm, I wonder why? Here's an idea: Banana Schnapps. Listen, it was good enough as barf fuel for your high school hip flask. Anyway, you're watching Schlock and complaining about drinking Schnapps? A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, you know.

From 1943, Captive Wild Woman features Acquanetta as the Gorilla Girl. Acquanetta had nothing to do with Aquanet hair spray. John Carradine is seen in what is probably not one of his more memorable roles. If you like finding 1960s TV actors in movies that gave them a leg up, you'll love seeing Milburn Stone in a role other than "Doc" on Gunsmoke.

This movie spawned a couple of sequels in Universal's Cheela, The Ape Woman series, one of which is labeled by TFH Guru Joe Dante as one of the worst horror films ever made. But we live for bad horror films, don't we? Don't we?

Denver's Infinite Monkey Theorem is a winery named after the notion that if you turn an infinite number of monkeys loose in a vineyard, somehow wine would be made. Or something like that. They specialize in canned wine with inventive names like "White Wine" and "Red Wine." It's your choice. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Akira!

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, a visit to the Far East for some Japanese film treasures, all directed by the great Akira Kurosawa. We also have a wine pairing for each movie. 

First of all, a tip of the green visor to the Trailers From Hell gurus, who named this week's feature Akira! The single word and the exclamation point really make one think of a Japanese monster movie. Godzilla! Rodan! Mothra! Lost in Translation! Well, I let myself go a little too far there. It's not the first time.

I discovered the pleasure of watching Akira Kurosawa's films long before I discovered the pleasure of sipping a good wine. It was in college, a film appreciation class. I remember one criticism which went, "All I got from Rashomon was a stiff neck and a sore butt." That's how I rolled in college, anything for a joke, even one fueled by Annie Green Springs. I was actually criticizing the accommodations at the student center film viewing room. I really liked the film, but there was a joke to be made. I'm still trying to grow out of that habit. Thankfully I did grow out of sipping Annie Green Springs while viewing Kurosawa's treasures.

Maybe the best known Kurosawa film is from 1954, The Seven Samurai. Later translated into English as the western, The Magnificent Seven, this movie has been reimagined more times than A Star is Born. 

A village of farmers hire a samurai warrior to help them battle a band of thugs who plan to attack after harvest and steal their crops. This was harder back in the 16th century than it is today. With TaskRabbit, a good and dependable samurai is just a click away. Back then you had to know somebody. 

The samurai assembles his team and they go to work protecting and serving like the LAPD can only dream about. Muskets versus swords may not sound like a fair fight, but the bandits only had a few guns and the good guys stole one of them. Also, samurai are fairly good with blades, so the edge was actually theirs. 

The villagers who hired the septet couldn't afford to pay much, so in honor of them, let's splurge on our wine for The Seven Samurai. Black Samurai Cabernet Sauvignon hails not from the mountains of Japan, but from the valley called Napa. Hey, it's a cool label. If you can find it, it will cost about $200. There's no discount if you happen to be a samurai, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. 

Kurosawa's Rashomon is the 1950 examination of how the teller tells the tale. Four people give very different accounts of a crime, their stories filtered by their own perspectives. Toshiro Mifune stars as a robber who murders a samurai, if that's what you want to believe. His performance is powerful, a modern masterpiece of acting. During my college days, I briefly tried to emulate Mifune's vocal mannerisms. After a few blown job interviews, I decided to give it up. However, John Belushi used those mannerisms to great effect in his brief career.

The technique of investigating what people say, and how they say it, was later used to a lesser degree in The Conversation. Gene Hackman discovers that the couple on whom he is eavesdropping are not in fear for their lives, they're plotting a murder. We should employ this sort of discretion when listening to our politicians tell us how great they're going to make America. 

In the legal world, the Rashomon effect is the name given to the explanation of how different people give differing testimony of the same event. If your lawyer is basing your case on the Rashomon effect, you're probably screwed. 

Kurosawa Sake is no relation to the director, but details like that have never stopped me before. Kurosawa Junmai Kimoto is a craft sake, if you will. If you won't, we'll call it an artisanal rice wine. The kimoto style of sake differs from the big brands in that it requires more work, takes longer to make, and costs more. My wife would love it! You can find it for under $30 in a lot of liquor, beer and wine outlets. 

George Lucas says he drew heavily from Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress for his Star Wars juggernaut. The 1958 adventure centers on two paupers who agree to help get a man and a woman across dangerous territory. What they don't know is that he's a general and she's a princess. They're helping the couple for money, so they don't really care who they are as long as they get paid. I'm sure you can relate. 

Fortress did quite well in Japanese theaters, where movie-goers eat puffed rice, not popcorn, and they eat it from a bento box, not a crinkly paper bag. They were also too polite to talk to the screen. American audiences were spoiled by the grandeur of Rashomon and The Seven Samurai, and were not so inclined to applaud. When they talked to the screen, it was not so much to ask for a refund on the ticket price as it was to ask for directions to where Cat on a Hot Tin Roof was playing. Today, Fortress is regarded as another Kurosawa masterpiece, and it garners as many rotten tomatoes as you can throw. 

Fortress Winery of California’s North Coast wine region puts out a namesake Bordeaux style, made from Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec, and Merlot grapes. It's not hidden, and this Fortress sells for about $30. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Murder Will Out

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, our three films are simply killer. So are the wine pairings that go with them.

From the title, we can assume that 1965's How to Murder Your Wife is a black comedy. We can also assume that the title probably read a lot funnier in 1965 than it does today. 

Jack Lemmon and Virna Lisi star. He's an avowed bachelor and she's the person he winds up marrying during a drunken evening. The couple are introduced when she jumps out of a cake at a bachelor party. Talk about a meet-cute. Yes, kids. That's how grammy and pop-pop met before there was Tinder. 

With cake in mind, let's pair this film with a nice Cakebread Cellars Grenache. It pairs well with this movie, and it could pair well with a wedding cake. Unless, of course, it's a cake that someone is hiding in until everyone is drunk.

Now it's dark. Murder By Contract is a 1958 film noir which has held a lot more sway than its initial reception would suggest.  Martin Scorsese has hailed the movie as an influence on his style of filmmaking.  Vince Edwards stars as a hit man who carries no gun, has no conscience, and takes a little too much pride in his work.

He routinely kills men at the request of his bosses - guys with names like Mr. Brink and Mr. Moon. However, he experiences angst when an important witness in a big case is targeted, and it turns out she's a woman.  Nah, he's not the hit man with a heart o' gold.  He simply thinks women are too unpredictable to make good targets.  He thinks they're trouble. He finds out that in his case, they are.

San Diego County's Cheval Winery has their Bullet Cabernet Franc on offer for $77. It could be an offer you will refuse at your own peril.

Alfred Hitchcock was always pouring drinks down the throats of his characters. The director used alcohol as medicine in many of his films, particularly as a cure for the nervousness his suspenseful storylines caused. If a character survived a near-death experience with a homicidal maniac, a vehicle, or some birds, the next thing heard was likely to be "Here - have some brandy."

In Dial M For Murder Hitch really put drinking on a pedestal. Ray Milland must have had Lost Weekend flashbacks during the filming of this 1954 classic. He suggested drinks to everyone except the key grip, and that offer may have ended up on the cutting room floor.

Thanks to Milland's character, Grace Kelly and Bob Cummings are always drinking. "Have a drink!" "Let’s meet for a drink!" "Sell the ticket and have a drink on the proceeds!" "She's a filthy cook. Let's have a drink!" "Dahling, you framed me for a murder??" "Yes, dear. How about that drink now?"

By the way, have you ever been bothered by the key-in-the-handbag thing? Grace Kelly had just one key? Really? Having just one key represents a rather uncomplicated life. It's hard to imagine a one-key person getting involved in this sort of intrigue.

Further, Milland just reaches into Kelly's handbag and pops the key right out. What else was in there, just a pack of gum? Have any of our gentlemen readers ever tried to find something in a lady's purse? How quickly did you give up?

Another sidebar: The depiction of the rotary phone and its creepy analog workings take on an almost steampunk quality in today's digital atmosphere.

With all that off my chest, let's fire up the movie machine and have a drink! "Won’t you join me?" "I’m afraid it's too early for me." "What's the harm in just one?" "Well, alright..."

Since brandy seemed to be Hitchcock's favorite drink, at least in the movies, let's pair this elixir with Dial M. Most brandy is distilled from grapes, so it's sort of a half wine. Remy Martin VSOP Cognac is made from primarily Ugni Blanc and Colombard grapes. I see it selling online for anywhere from $25 to $80, much more if it comes in a fancy bottle.

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Blood Of The Vines - The Body Politic

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we have a trio of films to remind us that November 5th is Election Day. Vote, please. And enjoy the wine pairings for each movie.

There are some places in the US where a person cannot get a drink on Election Day. Prohibition-era laws are still on the books in Alaska, Massachusetts and Puerto Rico that prevent people from buying alcohol on the same day we vote for president. That's the day we may need it most. The ban resulted from politicians who tried to buy votes with free booze. Today, politicians try to buy votes with promises of tax cuts and big, beautiful walls. And tariffs. Tariffs? You expect to get votes with tariffs? Whatever works. 

The Best Man is a 1964 political film written by Gore Vidal, who also wrote the stage play. It's not about the guy standing next to the groom at a wedding. It's about which man is best suited to be president. It was 1964, so the thought of a woman running for president was only for little girls playing with their D.C. Barbies.

Henry Fonda and Cliff Robertson play the candidates here, a principled veteran and a smarmy upstart, both vying for their party's nomination. We don't know which party, because way back then, there actually were principled people on both sides. 

Kevin McCarthy is in the movie, but not as a candidate. However, his real-life cousin Eugene McCarthy would run for president in 1968. Remember that great McCarthy scene at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers? He screams at the camera, "They’re here already! You're next!" Could the pod people have been the beginning of the MAGA movement? Seems a little far-fetched, but then so does the MAGA movement. 

Lodi's Michael David Winery has a Bordeaux-style wine called Politically Correct Red Blend. It's a speak-no-evil concoction that sells for $50. Enjoy it before it gets canceled. 

From 2005, Good Night and Good Luck brought us a reminder of what can happen when unprincipled people gain power. US Senator Joseph McCarthy was a howling lunatic, and I hold papers in my hand which prove it. You know I'm lying because how could I type while holding papers in my hand? He fooled a lot of people with that gambit though. 

Joe McCarthy was no relation, by the way, to Senator Eugene McCarthy, although the two did debate each other on TV in the early 1950s. That must have been confusing for the moderators. "The next question is for Senator McCarthy, er, Mr. McCarthy, er, oh hell, the guy on the left."

George Clooney played CBS News exec Fred Friendly, and David Strathairn's Edward R. Murrow had me believing that the venerable newsman had been resurrected, complete with a pack of Rod Serling smokes. 

Hope Family Wines makes the Troublemaker Red Blend. It takes grapes from the Central Coast, from Paso Robles down into Santa Barbara County. Odd pricing: a bottle is $20, a 3-liter bottle (4 regulars) is $100. I guess the huge bottle is worth something. 

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington was directed by the great Frank Capra and starred Jimmy Stewart as senatorial neophyte Jefferson Smith. He wants to take a piece of land and do good with it, while an elder statesman wants to make money with it. Let the clashing begin.

Nobody could do an impassioned speech like Stewart. His verbal takedown of the bad pol in the chamber is a classic. You haven't seen such sweating on the Senate floor since Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation hearings. 

The movie was criticized at the time by politicians. You had to see that coming. They said the film cast Washington in a bad light. Reading that sentence in today's political climate is cause for guffaws. What kind of light do you have that will make Washington look good? A magic lamp? If you turn it on and a genie pops out, ask it for some principled Republicans and a nice bottle of Chianti. Sim sala bim. 

Master of Wine Tim Atkin writes that when politicizing wine, the big, bold reds are usually favored by conservatives, while more restrained efforts capture the hearts of liberals. I don't know about that, but from France, where they never accepted the idea of Freedom Fries, comes Château Haut-Bages Liberal. It's a Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot blend that sells for around $50, depending on the vintage. Liberal, by the way, is the name of a previous owner of the estate a couple hundred years ago. Just goes to show, if you get your name on a French wine, it stays there. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Halloween Haunts

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we scare up wine pairings for three movies that fit right into Halloween week. 

Eye of the Devil is a British horror film from 1966 starring Deborah Kerr, David Niven, Donald Pleasence and Sharon Tate. Wait, did you say Donald Pleasence? Well, that's how we know it's a movie fit for Halloween. Who could forget Dr. Loomis in the Halloween movies? Not to mention, he was Blofeld for Bond's sake! I will always have a special place in my heart for his portrayal of a sniveling POTUS in Escape from New York. I'm sure I'm not alone there. 

The story of Eye of the Devil is a real horror tale for a wine lover. A Bordeaux vintner's grape vines stopped bearing fruit three years ago. *GASP* Not that! Believe it or not, it gets worse. The old chateau is hella creepy, but aren't they all? They're all old, too. Nobody's making any new chateaux. 

When a dead dove falls at your feet as you step out of the car, and the bird gets sacrificed at some sort of altar, logic would intervene and tell you to get the hell out of that creepy, old chateau before you become an appeasement. But is that what happens? Nooooooo, it's not. He thinks he'll beat the odds after a couple dozen estate owners before him have died mysteriously. Ask any gambler: the chateau always wins.

The magazine Wine Enthusiast is enthused this year with haunted wineries. One of them is in Napa Valley. At Trefethen Family Vineyards, a thief was reportedly caught red-handed about a hundred years ago and hung from the rafters. They say his shadow still swings to and fro when the light is just right. Trefethen's Oak Knoll District Red Blend goes for the swingin' price of $85.

The Evil Dead is a 1981 horror film directed by Sam Raimi in his first outing behind the lens.

Five college kids are having a holiday at a cabin in the woods. Uh-oh. A cabin in the woods. That's bad news. How many horror films do you have to see that center on a cabin in the woods before you start looking at better accommodations? "No, let's hide over there, behind the chain saws!"

Anyway, this is the film that put the character of Ash Williams on his way to being a franchise. Five films, a TV series, a video game, and comic books; this movie hit the jackpot. 

The kids find a cassette tape, and when they play it all hell breaks loose. Like, literally. It was a mantra in the '80s: "Always know where that mixtape came from." Inevitably, a bloodbath ensues, most of it caused by Ash. A superhero walks among us. As the last eye has been gouged out and the Tibetan Book of the Dead thrown into the fireplace, all is quiet on the woodsy front. Or is it?

The Beringer estate in Napa Valley says the halls of the Rhine House echo with whispers. Hopefully, none of those whisperers are giving away any trade secrets from the 1880s. If any of those ghostly apparitions are whispering that they are "not drinking any f*cking Merlot," pour them a glass of Beringer's Winery Exclusive Merlot for just $35 a bottle.

In 1977's The Sentinel, we see a woman renting a room in an old house that's been divided into apartments. As it turns out, it's owned by the Catholic Church, and it contains a portal into hell. Is anyone surprised at that?

What have we told you about creepy, old houses? Was the fact that one of the tenants is a blind priest not plain enough for you to see? Look, if you insist on ignoring all the signs that you're in a horror movie, we're just gonna have to let you go.

The portal to hell is a regular Penn Station for demons. They're coming and going, inviting others to join them, seemingly having a grand old time. Grand enough for demons, anyway. "I'll see you in hell" isn't part of an Irish curse for these demons. It's their way of saying "au revoir."

Demolition and reconstruction of the old brownstone isn't enough to take care of that doorway into Hades. The building may be newer, but now the resident on the top floor is a blind nun. To whom, presumably, a nod is as good as a wink.

The Winery at Marjim Manor claims to have five people and a dog haunting their space in upstate New York. No demons reported, but what's that portal there in the cellar room? They have a four-bottle package called Ghost Story Gift Pack for just under $50, if you order before midnight tonight. Operators are standing by. 

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