Blood Of The Vines - Big City Blues

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we have wine pairings for three movies about major metropoli. Well, two about The Big Apple and one about… Portland. Portland? 

There are plenty of films set in the exciting locales of L.A., Chicago, Philly or Phoenixville. That last one is the Pennsylvania burg where some of the shooting happened for The Blob. Well, we'll give NYC its due and try to imagine Portland as a concrete jungle.

Ah yes, the film so nice they named it twice. New York New York hit movie screens in 1977, with the answer to the question, "Can Martin Scorsese do no wrong?" The answer was yes. Wait, it was no. Ah, the syntax is so twisted I can't get a grip on it. Let's just say that movie-goers were less than wowed and critics were even less than that.

We have Di Niro and Minnelli, a pretty great theme song which was made even greater by a guy named Sinatra a couple years later, and a pretty grand version of Opus Number One. It may not be a great film, but you can sure have a good time watching it with a big barrel of over-buttered popcorn. And a barrel-aged Chardonnay.

Try my go-to white wine, the one I go to when I'm in the mood for a good ol' fashioned Cali Chardonnay. Edna Valley spares nary a stave when it comes to aging their Chardonnay, and it will be a perfect match with that buttery popcorn. Or that buttery scampi. 

Okay, so maybe I was a little harsh on Portland earlier. Their population was only about 600,000 in 1957, when Portland Exposé came out. It is more than two million now - in the top 25 - so they are a legitimately big city. 

Exposé was ripped from reality as a story about two crime gangs fighting over who gets the unions. A bar owner decides to install some pinball machines for the pleasure of his clientele, and that starts things hopping. Because pinball starts with p, and that rhymes with t, and that stands for trouble - in the form of gambling, drugs and prostitution.

The nice thing is that the union plays the part of the cavalry, riding to the rescue when the bar owner and an innocent young thing are kidnapped. I would like to think that should I ever be in a similar situation, I would see law enforcement officers on the scene, armed to the teeth, rather than my SAG-AFTRA rep. I mean, she's nice and all, but guns are better when you are on the lam from the syndicate. So I've been told.

Seven Bridges Winery is in downtown Portland, just steps from the Willamette River. They do a nice Malbec and an even nicer Cabernet Franc, both of which will pair nicely with Portland Exposé.

While we’re noiring it, let's get back to the Big Apple, where they know how to make it dark. 1948's Naked City follows the cops as they investigate a homicide, decades before Law & Order made a cliche out of it. The persons of interest seem a little more engaged while being questioned than those on L&O. Those people find it hard to interrupt making toast for a police interrogation.

Naked City later squeezed its shadowy self into the small screen, giving America a weekly dose of those "eight million stories." They will never run out. Big cities are making new stories all the time.

We will strip down the wine pairing for Naked City. Naked Wines is a wine club of sorts which focuses on independent winemakers. They like to keep the quality high so you won't send any thugs out to break kneecaps in the middle of the night.

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Blood Of The Vines - Alan Arkin Week

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we wring our hands and rip our shirts, for we have lost another great one - Alan Arkin. We will feature three of his films and have an appropriate wine to pair with each.

When it comes to Mr. Arkin's work, 1970's Catch 22 is a great place to start. It is a dark satire which comments on the absurdity of America's militaristic heritage. Arkin plays Captain John Yossarian, who pilots a bomber in WWII. It's his job, and he does it well, but that sort of work gets to be a grind after awhile. 

Contemplating the idea of getting out of the Air Force due to insanity, Yossarian runs into the bit of military intelligence known as Catch 22. You'd be crazy to want to fly a bomber, but that craziness is proof that you're not insane. For further demonstration, see Corporal Klinger of the 4077th.

What a cast! A lesser actor than Arkin would get lost among the likes of Martin Balsam, Martin Sheen, Richard Benjamin, Paula Prentiss, Bob Balaban, Bob Newhart, Norman Fell, Jack Gilford, John Voight and Orson Welles. Oh, and Catch 22 gave Art Garfunkel his film debut. We'll leave it to you to determine if that was a good thing or not.

Catch 22 Vineyards is Australia's version of the hook: "You can't be a winemaker until you get experience, but you can't get experience until you make wine." Their Barossa Valley red blend is red enough to be reminiscent of the ball turret gunner who was your friend.

In 1966, when The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming was playing at one of my hometown's movie theaters, lightning struck the building. The front brick facade was reduced to a pile of rubble, looking very much like the place had been bombed. A photographer from the local newspaper captured the destruction, with the marquee in front emblazoned with, "The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming." The caption read, "It looks like they're already here."

That anecdote is my big memory of the movie, despite the incredible job that Arkin does with his role as a sailor on a Russian submarine. When the sub runs aground near a New England island, the farcical story spins out as the Russians try to find a way to unstick their ship and keep the Cold War from getting hot.

It was not a universally loved movie, but it captured my 11-year-old imagination. For weeks after seeing the film, my favorite expression was "Ee-mare-zhency. Everybody to get from street." And Alan Arkin was my new favorite actor.

You can't go wrong with a Russian wine for The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming. Well, you actually can. You can go very wrong. However, if you can find the Kuban-Vino Château Tamange fortified white wine, I'm told it is a fine example of the Rkatsiteli grape. Alternatively, you know, Russian River Valley Pinot Noir.

Little Murders, from 1971, has Arkin directing for the first time. He also plays a NYC cop who seems to be having a tough time dealing with the spiraling violence in his city. 

This black comedy is blacker than black, blacker than Catch 22 had been just a year earlier. You will laugh, but you will have a tough time dealing with the fact that you did. 

Elliot Gould is a dysfunctional man, in a dysfunctional world, who joins a dysfunctional family and becomes even more dysfunctional. The urban violence that surrounds him draws him in until he becomes a participant in it. It's like a Catch 22 - the more one rejects the dysfunction, the more one becomes a part of it.

All that dysfunction screams for a wine from Sonoma County's Dysfunctional Family Winery. They make a nice Sagrantino, and there are no reports of violence breaking out there during a tasting.

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Blood Of The Vines - Independence Day

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week we pair wines with three movies which examine the American experience for Independence Day.

1776 hit movie screens in 1972, preceding America's bicentennial by four years. The producers didn't miss the mark, they simply got a running start on the festivities. The film was adapted from the Broadway hit musical. The fictionalized account of what led to the Declaration of Independence is dressed up with a lot more singing than I expect there was in real life. Ben Franklin getting tuneful I could see, especially after a couple of drinks. John Adams, not so much.

As you may have learned in school, unless you went to the schools that Trump attended, the beloved document describes the will of the colonies to break free from Great Britain and it serves up a lengthy list of grievances against the British throne. If they'd had Twitter back then, the colonists could have canceled King George without throwing a single teabag into Boston Harbor. 

Speaking of despots, Nixon didn't like the movie. He felt one of the songs in the score reflected badly on conservatives, as if conservatism needs any help finding the bad light. It is worth remembering today that nearly all of the founding fathers were slave owners themselves. That includes Thomas Jefferson.

Mr. Jefferson loved his Bordeaux, but not until later in his life. For decades, he was a Madeira man, as were the other founding fathers who imbibed. The Rare Wine Company has a Special Reserve Madeira with TJ's name on it. 

What would July 4th viewing be without a war picture? Here is a dandy from 1945, They Were Expendable, directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne. Is there anything more American? The movie - taken from a bestselling book - tells the story of the US Navy's PT boats. It is fact-based fiction, and is supposedly very close to how Motor Torpedo Boat Squadron Three was actually introduced into WWII.

President John F. Kennedy, you may remember, served on a PT boat while he was in the navy. Movie costar Robert Montgomery actually commanded one, something that film buffs say former Navy officer Ford really liked about him. John Wayne was reportedly in Ford's doghouse because he was turned down for military service. The film was shot in the Florida Keys, moviedom's version of the Philippines.

The Tackitt Family Vineyards in Paso Robles is veteran-owned. Leon was a military ordnance guy in the Navy. Now he blows up people's expectations with his fruit of the vine. The Vintner's Reserve Zinfandel was a gold medal winner, and it's only $40. 

The Red Badge of Courage, from 1951, brings Stephen Crane's 19th century book to life. Director John Huston thought his two-hour cut was the best work he had done, but MGM thought differently. They slashed the film to 70 minutes and put in narration to explain what was happening. MGM, apparently, decided that nobody ever went broke underestimating the audience.

It is a Civil War tale about a young man who deserts the battlefield in fear, only to return in hopes of getting his war wound - the titular red badge. It is fitting to watch a Civil War movie for Independence Day, as it was that bloody confrontation that declared the nation's independence from slavery. 

For a Civil War pic, what could be better than a wine from the first battlefield? The Winery at Bull Run is located at the entrance to Manassas Battlefield. From that historical locale, they produce Virginia wines that echo the Civil War era. Back in that day, the wines were probably made from Muscadine grapes, but the Virginia wine scene has grown exponentially since then. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Weird Musicals

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week we find wine pairings for three musical movies which may cause us to need a drink - Weird Musicals.

When we say weird, we mean weird. Cannibal! The Musical could hardly get any weirder. If you thought a musical featuring Nazi soldiers was weird - and there have been a few: The Sound of Music, Cabaret, Blazing Saddles - wait until you get a load of this. Cannibal! The Musical is a 1993 black comedy about people eating other people, set to music. 

From the comedy team of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, in their pre-South Park days, the script loosely follows real-life events from the late 19th century. You know how it is - a winter excursion strands your group in the mountains and, well, ya gotta eat.

You may find it surprising that someone could find humor in that sort of desperation. You may even find it disturbing, or disgusting. Parker made a successful career off of making people feel those emotions after this directorial debut. Have you given any thought to what you'll snack on while watching Cannibal! The Musical? Ears of corn? Kidney beans? Lady fingers? That's up to you. My job is to select a wine pairing.

Cannibal Creek Winery in southeastern Australia offers a great place to start the search, and to stop it. They have a full line of wines that will pair incredibly well with a movie featuring both cannibalism and a thoughtful score.

The Apple made 1980 memorable for fans of horribly bad movies. It is a scifi musical with biblical overtones, hence the prominently placed apple. The Menahem Golan picture took a look into the future as far away as … 1994. Really? Was that a dollar store crystal ball? You look into the future of rock and roll and can't see farther than 14 years? I'd get my dollar back.

Golan likely wanted at least some of his millions back after getting a look at what most critics and viewers consider to be one of the worst movies ever made. The musical aspect of the film reportedly ate up some seven thousand dollars per day of production - and we don't even have a soundtrack album to show for it! Not that we would really want one.

There is a feeling that there may be something here that's entertaining. A god-like person named Mr. Topps, who rides in a Rolls Royce-shaped cloud? That sounds like we may be onto something good. Then we find that the savior sent by the supreme being was trying to save the gifted singer from the evil clutches of glittery gays and drag queens. I'll bet there wasn't a Bud Light to be had on the set.

Let's pick a wine for The Apple befitting of this misanthropic marvel. Washington state's Chateau Ste Michelle has a red blend called Prayers for Sinners and Saints, because they feel that our true self lies somewhere in between those two extremes. For real-life choices, there is a lot of gray area there. It is simpler with the wine - white or red?

1982's Pink Floyd - The Wall is one of the more depressing musicals out there - which is saying something, as we have already chalked one up to cannibalism. 

Alienation, the horror of war, the danger of hammers and becoming comfortably numb are not exactly the stuff of Rex Harrison moments. And nobody ever accused Roger Waters of being either Lerner or Loewe. 

Pink Floyd - The Wall was a big enough hit that we might have expected musicals made from other Pink Floyd albums. However, Pink Floyd - Obscured By Clouds, Pink Floyd - A Saucerful of Secrets and Pink Floyd - Ummagumma never materialized.

Oh, by the way, which one's Pink? Bob Geldof. Bob Geldof is Pink. But, we'll go full red for one of the Wines That Rock. They don't have one dedicated to The Wall, but the Cabernet Sauvignon for The Dark Side of the Moon is close enough for rock'n'roll.

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Blood Of The Vines - Hollywood Sleaze

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week we dig deep, for the sleazy side of Hollywood. We also ignore those asking "There’s another side?" and pair appropriate wines with these inappropriate films.

 Hollywood 90028 comes from 1973 to show the soft underbelly of filmmaking - porn. This film makes the Boogie Nights depiction of the porn world seem positively glamorous. A fellow by the name of Mark lands in Hollywood with dreams of becoming a movie cameraman. Things go south for him when the only gainful employment he finds is in the porn industry. A gal by the name of Michele is also riding the skids of her career dreams, on the other end of Mark's lens - which, it turns out, is not a very nice place to be.

Missing out on the career of one's choice doesn't necessarily make one a homicidal killer - but Hollywood 90028 indicates that sometimes it does. Ask Mark, or any of the women with whom he has slept. And try not to yell too loudly at the screen when Michele's turn to go off-camera with him comes around.

Googling "wine" and "porn" together brings some awfully sleazy responses. The website featuring "wine bottle porn videos," I don't want any part of that. However, Sexy Wine Bomb has not only a sleazy name, but a sleazy label, too. They say the flavor stays with you, as will the aroma if you spill it on your shirt.

In 1960's Sex Kittens Go to College, forget the cast - even though it features Mamie Van Doren, Tuesday Weld, John Carradine, Jackie Coogan, Louis Nye, Vampira (not as herself) and Elektro the Robot as Thinko the Robot.  Check out the character names - Admiral Wildcat MacPherson, Legs Raffertino, Woo Woo Grabowski (pretty much his real name) and Tallahassee Tassel Tosser, among them.  That last name is a tipoff that strippers are involved, but don't get too excited unless you have the version which was released to adult theaters, featuring a lengthy dream sequence starring those exotic dancers.  Hollywood sleaze?  You be the judge.

Going with the title pairing, here is a wine for actual kittens: White Kittendel Cat Wine has real catnip in it for $10 a bottle. Hey, if you have that kind of money to throw away, just send it to me. I'll spend it on real alcohol. Oh, a wine pairing, right. Meiomi sounds like something a sexy kitten would say. For twice the price of that catnip, they have a good Chardonnay for sale. Don't give any to your cat.

Star 80 is from the 1980s - the decade of sleaze. The story of a Playboy Playmate's murder at the hand of her husband is ripped from the proverbial headlines by writer/director Bob Fosse. It's an adaptation of the book about Dorothy Stratton's all-too-short life. Yes, it is a disturbing film.

Depending on when you were born, the decade of the '80s could be a fun childhood, an MTV-fueled adolescence, or a bitter disappointment for one who came from an era of better music, better movies and better TV. I'm still working on getting past that. 

Mariel Hemingway is the playmate and Eric Roberts is her sleazy husband. If anyone plays sleaze better than Roberts, please let us know. We may be able to come up with an award for that.

For a nude photo shoot, what better pairing is there than a Naked Wine? The wine club business model promises to put great wines on your doorstep at affordable prices. The various winemakers are mostly small producers who work fully clothed.

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Blood Of The Vines - Francophilia

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week we pair wines from France with movies from France, et pourquoi pas?

Last Year at Marienbad was from the heyday of French New Wave, 1961. Director Alain Resnais created a film which people either loved or hated. Seriously, Marienbad has been called "the best film ever made" and "one of the worst films in history." Surrealists have praised it, so that's a clue. Surrealists simply don't make logical sense. After all, how many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A fish.

The story centers on a woman and two men at a fancy hotel. One of the men maintains that he and the woman met the year before at a place just like this, maybe this place. He says she promised to go away with him in a year. She tells him she doesn't know him from Adam and get lost. The other man may be her husband, and he plays math games much better than the first man. It could be all in her mind. It could be all in his mind. Are you ready to consult that surrealist yet?

Marienbad is a dreamscape and has influenced filmmakers from Stanley Kubrick to David Lynch. Or, it's a nightmare and has influenced nobody. Or, we can't know what it is because looking at it changes it. This is what it's like to watch Last Year at Marienbad.

Pairing a wine with this film requires a certain sleight of hand - a wine that is one thing but not what it seems. I want to go with C'est La Vie, a French blend of Pinot Noir and Syrah. Yes, it's Burgundy meets the Rhône - yes it's blasphemous - yes, it's exactly what people have accused California Pinot makers of for years. It's from the south of France and it comes on like a beefy Beaujolais. It's $15, so what have you got to lose?

Mon Oncle Antoine is a French language Canadian film from 1971. A teenage boy works at his uncle's store, living a presumably carefree life as teenagers often do. This was in a time before teenagers were all equipped with skateboards. Nowadays they pass the time with endless scraping, falling and kicking - practicing to become the next Tony Hawk. Back then, the lack of a skateboard meant they had to find other ways to while away the days. Like play. Or work. 

The scenes take place in a town called Asbestos, and you get three guesses what kind of mining fuels the economy. Uplifting, huh? The titular uncle, by the way, is also an undertaker. What fun for a young man - to help his elder gather up dead bodies for burial. At least with all the asbestos around, there should be plenty of business. A kid would be hard pressed to get enough of that kind of life. "And I get to do this every day? Can I have a grape soda after?"

In the process of helping out uncle Antoine, the teen is treated to an up-close-and-personal view of unc's bitterness about the way his life has turned out. To no one's surprise, the child has a series of traumas and is left at the end of the movie to sort them out on his own. C'est la vie. 

Sometimes a winemaker gets a hand from his uncle. Jerome Francois calls his Alsace winery La Grange de l'Oncle Charles - Uncle Charles' barn. When in Alsace, try the Riesling. If you want to stay Canadian, there are plenty of wineries in the Quebec area. Le Cep d'Argent has a variety of them, including the ever-popular ice wine.

We go to 1963 for another scoop of French new wave. Contempt is by Jean-Luc Godard, and is considered by many to be one of his finer works. It is one of those movies about movies. The story revolves around an American producer getting his grubby hands on the script for Fritz Lang's film version of the Odyssey. 

Before you say, "Oh, not another movie about a reworking of the Odyssey," let me tell you that Contempt actually has Fritz Lang in it. It also has Jean-Luc Godard in it. Wait, there's more. This movie also has Jack Palance in it. Pushups, anyone? And it has Brigette Bardot in it. Say no more. It's French, yes, but it is set in Italy and was filmed there, part of it on Capri. 

There are instances of marital infidelity - that's where the contempt comes in - and some fairly sleazy behavior from a husband who tries to use his wife as a lure in a business deal. More contempt. 

If I could find a French and Italian wine, it would be perfect for Contempt. But alas, there is no such thing of which I know. But why not have one of each? From Bordeaux, try Château Côtes de Blaignan, the 2016 Cru Bourgeois gives us a taste of that gravelly soil in Médoc for 30 bucks. From Italy, get a Barolo. Kirkland Signature Barolo is made by a big name producer and sold for $20 or so, not $50, at Costco. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Lost Indies With Patton Oswalt

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine a trio of "lost indies" with funny man Patton Oswalt. 

I am happy to see Patton Oswalt as a TFH guru. I have always thought he was a funny guy, even when my wife's phone played the start of the same joke from one of his standups every time her device connected with our car. It was something like, "I'm ah, so hungry…" which is where we hit pause and continued to whatever it was that we wanted to listen to at the time. We never learned how to keep that from happening, so we heard over and over how Patton was "so hungry." I felt a trace of sadness when the phone decided instead to start playing an Aretha Franklin Christmas song upon connecting. We had a lot more laughs from Patton talking about food than we've had from Aretha singing about angels. Will we get even more laughs from his views on movies? Let's see.

Private Property - the one from 1960, not 2022 - was pretty racy for its day. The film was rated C, for condemned, by the Catholic Legion of Decency. It is the group's least complimentary rating. People I know who went to Catholic schools tell me that they kept an eye out for "condemned" movies in the Legion's newsletter. Those were the films everyone wanted to see.

Director and screenwriter Leslie Stevens considered himself an auteur, and one of America's only New Wave filmmakers. His love of Truffaut and Welles shows through in the way he shot the film, although some critics called his framing "unsettling." What could be even more unsettling is that Stevens had previously brought The Outer Limits and Stoney Burke to the small screen. How's that for artsy?

Stevens had worked with Warren Oates before, and must have enjoyed the experience, as Oates costars in Private Property. He also had cast Kate Manx in other productions, which was nice of him because she was his wife. 

The film actually was a "lost indie," whereabouts unknown for years until it was discovered and restored less than a decade ago. 

The film follows a couple of shady characters named Duke and Boots. You're already drooling and rubbing your hands together, aren't you? They stalk a pretty woman - simply named Ann - and try to get a relationship going with her, however tawdry it is. A relationship that results in multiple people getting shot can generally be considered a flop. The movie did okay, though. The film made money. Critics grumbled about the sex while admitting it was arty, which is like saying you buy Playboy for the articles.

Private Property Rosé is from Caraccioli Cellars in Monterey County, or actually from the youngest generation of the family. The label is son Scott's project, and he gets to use Pinot Noir grapes from the Caraccioli estate. It may be sold out now, no surprise since it sells for just $18.

Frownland won praise at SXSW in 2007, but never really got on its feet in general release. Maybe the distribution was bad, but maybe an hour and 45 minutes of unrelenting negative emotions was more than the ticket-buying public could take. I mean there we were, still slapping our knees over "Mission Accomplished," and here comes this basket of rotten fruit. 

One interesting note: the movie takes its name from a Captain Beefheart song. CB suffered from multiple sclerosis, while the social outcast in the film spends his working days ripping off MS patients. Like the songwriter, we are left to sing, "I cannot go back to your Frownland."

We can pair just about any wine with Frownland, since wine generally turns that frown upside down. Smile is a Paso Robles Viognier/Chenin Blanc blend which should take the edge off of a movie which is even this much of a downer. While watching, maybe you can drunk dial some funds to the MS Foundation. 

Coherence is an odd title - the 2013 thriller seems to be anything but coherent.

Strange happenings occur in a northern California town when a comet passes close to the earth. Remember Comet Kohoutek in 1973? I sure do, and there were plenty of strange occurrences in my life at that time. There is no evidence that those occurrences were caused by the comet, but why not? There were strange occurrences in the years surrounding Comet Kohoutek, as well, both before and after. My life at that time was not exactly a standard of stability. Maybe those NoCalians can say the same.

Their experience of parallel universes goes a step or two farther than my comet time. In fact, the story sounds a lot like something one would dream up while high, then have trouble believing when the drugs had worn off. 

A wine pairing for Coherence could be one from a comet vintage. Some folks - probably those biodynamic people - believe that when a comet comes around right before a harvest, that the wine from that harvest will be exceptional. They say 1811 was a particularly strong year, so good luck with that. An 1811 Chateau d’Yquem - a dessert style Sauternes - will run a person north of $100,000, so maybe you want to watch the movie first before throwing that kind of money at a pairing.

For a little more reasonable taste, try Comet Winery in Santa Rosa. Their reds range from $50 to $100. Their website, by the way, shows ghostly images of wine bottles with no labels or no words on the labels. A strange happening.   

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Blood Of The Vines - Demonic Spirits

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, our attention goes to three films that were spawned by the devil, or someone with similar tastes.

The Vigil is a 2019 horror film which whips up all kinds of bad vibes in the Orthodox Jewish community of Brooklyn. It drips with references to the religion's traditions. 

The demonic spirit here is a Mazzik, described in the Torah as invisible. For the movie, of course, the Mazzik is given a visible countenance - all the better to see and be terrified by him. The story centers on a former Orthodox Jew who is hired to be a Shomer - sit watch over a dead Holocaust survivor before his burial. As it happens, the guy had done some bad stuff in his life and his body is the host of the Mazzik. Because surviving the Holocaust just wasn't punishment enough, huh? 

The Mazzik plays havoc with the Shomer through weird noises, flickering lights, apparitions, visions and - oddly - a disturbing video sent to his phone. That's a feat that the poor guy probably couldn't have swung on his own when he was alive, but here we have a very tech-savvy Mazzik.

Critical response was mostly good, although one scribe did give up a "gefilte fish" reference to what he considered to be a movie for an acquired taste.

Obviously, we need a kosher wine to pair with The Vigil, and preferably one with a demon-fighting name. Carmel Vineyards of Israel has a Merlot which was grown in the Evyatar Vineyard of Upper Galilee. Evyatar was a high priest back in the day, and his name means "God is great." L'chayim. 

While we chase demons around the cinema, we should go grindhouse for a minute. Burial Ground - from 1981 or 1985, depending on your source - is an Italian zombie horror movie. Put that on your big screen, Quentin. 

A curse is unleashed, which you can blame on another one of those careless scientists who seem to turn up in horror movies with great regularity. This time his blunder brings dead people out of their graves in a nearby cemetery. The nearby graveyard should have been a red flag that the labcoat was in dangerous territory for experiments. Where do you think you are, Wuhan?

No solitary science guy, our unlucky researcher had invited a handful of guests to come stay in the mansion. Yeah, mansion, don't ask. The zombies get to him before the travelers arrive, and they are forced to hole up in the big house while trying to fight off the living dead. It's a vacation that - as they say on the TV news - went terribly wrong.

For Burial Ground, one of the obvious choices would be Woodbury Winery's Zombie Red. This works not because of the winery's location in lovely Fredonia, NY, along the scenic shores of Lake Erie; not because the cherry-flavored wine has enough residual sugar in it to take you back to your Boone's Farm college days; not because the winery's name has the word "bury" in it. This is the pairing because it's called Zombie Red, fer cryin' out loud.

1995's The Day of the Beast is a black comedy from the combined efforts of Spain and Italy, two countries that know a bit about the dark side of things. Think Franco and Mussolini.

Ángel is a religious man who is hell-bent on killing the Antichrist as he is born on Christmas Eve. Sounds like we have a movie here that will supersede those annual arguments about whether Die Hard is a Christmas film or not.

He finds out that saving the world is tougher than it sounds. But who knew that all it takes to kill the devil is a handgun? 

The Day of the Beast sounds like a weird ride, and it is. But its fan base is hardcore, critics love it and at least one organization that hands out awards has found it deserving of a handful of prizes. Your enjoyment of it will be heightened if you like metal music.

A wine called The Beast would be perfect here, and waddaya know? Rioja's Bodegas Santalba Lamalba sounds more like a fad dance than a winery, but their The Beast Tempranillo is stocked by an outfit called Gorey Wine Cellar. 

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Blood Of The Vines - The Script's The Thing

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine three films which rest on the masterful scripts that were written for them. We are in solidarity with the Writers Guild of America, and whether you carry a sign or post one on social media, we hope you join us in supporting the fine members of the WGA as they strike for the future of writing.

George Axelrod's Paris When it Sizzles is a 1964 remake of a 1952 French film. Axelrod based his screenplay on Holiday for Henrietta. Since one should write what one knows, the Sizzles script centers on a screenwriter. He has been hired to put words on paper, but keeps putting off the job at hand. Writers will relate to the situation. 

William Holden and Audrey Hepburn may not have sizzled in their starring roles, but the movie they are writing in the movie has plenty of references to their previous film work in real life. Paris When it Sizzles fizzled out when it came to the critics. The work of the lead actors gained praise, but some scribes felt that Axelrod should have put a match to his pile of paper.

The pairing of Holden and Hepburn recalled an earlier time when the two had a fling. Holden said he didn’t know which was worse - having to face Hepburn again or having to face his growing problem with alcohol. Both proved to haunt him.

Pairing a wine with Sizzles will most assuredly require a glance at France. We're looking at you, Burgundy, with your elegance on display both in the red and the white. For Holden, a nice Pinot Noir, Vincent Girardin's Cuvée Saint-Vincent. It sells for a reasonable $35. For Hepburn, Louis Moreau Chablis is 100% Chardonnay and smells just like the sea. At $30, a very good deal.

Preston Sturges made 1941 a year to remember with his great Sullivan's Travels. The movie concerns a director who wants to quit making comedies and turn out serious art instead. He travels as a tramp, learning the value of comedy in the process. Joel McCrea and Veronica Lake star in the film, and despite their on-screen chemistry the pair would never work together again. That was reportedly McCrea's choice. Sullivan's Travels is recognized today as a masterpiece of filmmaking. 

Censors must have used up a box of red pencils on this script. They thought the word "bum" would be off-putting to the British. They warned about the scene in which McCrae and Lake's characters share a bed - in a homeless shelter. The prison sequence rankled federal censors, who felt it showed inhumane treatment which could be used as propaganda during wartime. In the end, Paramount no doubt felt they had gotten their money's worth of trouble and talent. They reportedly paid $6,000 for the screenplay.

You have a bargain script - you want a bargain wine, too? If I told you there is a California Cabernet Sauvignon for $5 at your local supermarket, would that be of interest to you? Meridian Cab is actually pretty good, although nobody is going to forget about Opus One because of it.

Michael Tolkin based his screenplay for 1992's The Player on some pretty good source material - his own 1988 novel of the same name. A studio executive kills a writer - the wrong writer, it turns out - and sets in motion a green light project which has red light written all over it. Stars, no stars, happy ending, bummer ending, bad title, bad traffic - this film-within-the-film has everything in Hollywood attached to it.

There are so many famous people making cameo appearances in The Player that you may think you pushed play on It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World by accident. You'll know you didn't make that mistake because Tim Robbins is so very much taller than Terry-Thomas. 

I wanted to get cute with the wine pairing for The Player by selecting a Black Knight Wine from golfer Gary Player. My wife, though, thought I should honor Greta Scacchi - the "happy ending" of the movie - with a beautiful Italian wine. I have found that it is good luck to agree with my wife, and I happen to have a lovely Italian wine right here - the Pio Cesare Barolo. Its brawn doesn't get in the way of its elegance. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Flying Monsters

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine three films which feature some winged wonders of horror - Flying Monsters - with an appropriate wine pairing for each.

The Flying Serpent took off in 1946 as the living embodiment of the Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl. Ol' Quetzy was one of four main deities of the Aztecs, and the other three had equally hard-to-pronounce names. In fact, the producers of a 1982 remake gave up on trying to educate the public on how to say it and simply called their version Q - see below. 

In this feature, the flying serpent guards an Aztec treasure and really hates it when psycho archaeologists pluck his feathers from him. In fact, that is what sends the killer lizard into a rage, not a threat to the treasure it is supposed to be standing guard over. The lunatic scientist uses that weakness in the monster as a means of manipulating him to kill. "Here, hold this feather, willya?" Then he turns and runs.

Those who pick apart old movies for a living point out that the story was basically lifted from The Devil Bat - also see below - and that ol' Quetzy looks about as scary as a stuffed animal you might win at a county fair.

There was a wine which zeroed in on this movie perfectly, Quetzalcoatl, a limited release from a graphic designer named Efraim Franco. The bottle design seems to be the thing here. Or, you could just do tequila shots.

Q the Winged Serpent is the 1982 remake of the previous film. Director and TFH guru Larry Cohen has the flying dragon-god living in the Chrysler Building in New York City, quite a step up from that cave in who-knows-where, Mexico. NYC has been center stage for other movie monsters through the years - King Kong, Rosemary's Baby, Gordon Gecko, etc.

There is a nest and an egg in this one, providing the viewer with the prospect of more Quetzalcoatl sightings while taking in the Big Apple on the tourist bus. 

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a thing than I could have imagined. It is a deity based on noodles and charged with being the word and the light for the lighthearted religion known as Pastafarianism. The wine seems to be out of stock - wouldn’t you know it - but you could order a Chrysler Building bottle stopper from any number of NYC gift shops and use it with whatever wine you want for your viewing party. I mean, really.

The Devil Bat provided the source material for the aforementioned The Flying Serpent. That film got a lot of heat for its similarity to The Devil Bat, even though they had turned the bat into a birdlike reptile. That sort of script-robbing is the stuff that Babylon was made from last year.

Bela Lugosi plays a scientist driven off his bean by a bad business decision. He gets his revenge by developing jumbo-sized bats - the mammals - to attack and kill his perceived enemies. He also devises a special after shave and trains the bats to go after it. Then, he manages to get his targets to wear the scent. Jesus, I'm tired already. Agatha Christie could have called it The Aqua Velva Murders.  

For a Bela Lugosi movie, you have to be ready for a Bela Lugosi wine. His family makes vino and sells it under Bela's name - despite Dracula's insistence that "I don't drink … wine." I'll bet he'd go for a blood-red Malbec, though, with Bela Lugosi's name on the label.

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Blood Of The Vines - Fantasy Worlds

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine three fantasy films that take us to their own special worlds.

Prehistoric Women  is a 1967 British film which debuted in the US, but it didn't hit movie screens in the UK for another year and a half - and with the new title of Slave Girls. A year and a half they had, and that was the winner of the New Title Contest. Some folks just don't deserve to be making movies.

Anyway, the main character has a thing with white rhinos, or they have a thing with him - it's hard to tell. He also has a thing with a beautiful - er - slave girl, from a million years ago. There's the leader of the dark-haired prehistoric women who wants him dead because he won't hook up with her. Yeah, there is a lot to process in this movie. 

If things look a bit familiar from time to time, it may be due to the fact that Hammer Films saved a few bucks by reusing the sets and costumes from the previous year's One Million Years B.C. It also may be due to the fact that if you've seen one cave, you've seen them all.

That is certainly not true in Sicily, where Scientific American details a cluster of caves where the oldest wine in the world was found. It's brutally hard to get inside these caves, and you are likely to die if you do, so let's just take a bottle from … well, this shelf right here. Duca di Salaparuta is the oldest winery in Sicily, and they make a white wine that smacks of volcanic earth. Get some. They make a red wine from Etna's slopes, as well.

Atlantis, the Lost Continent shows what can happen when you let your technologically advanced super continent get away from you. The 1961 sci-fi has submarines, magic crystals and a mad scientist, all rolled into a story of Greek fishermen unwittingly rescuing a princess from the lost continent. Before it was lost, of course.

There is some slavery involved here, and the princess will require a second rescue - because why shouldn't a princess be as much trouble as possible? The impending apocalypse seems to be a sure thing until … well, let's not spoil it for those who don't know how the story ends. The title really gives it away. It's not called a lost continent for nothing. As Donovan said, "Hail, Atlantis."

Go with Greece for this wine pairing, and we’ll make it a shorter trip to pick up a bottle. Georgós is wine made from Greek grapes and shipped halfway across the world, to be bottled in Sonoma County. The vintner says those Greek grapes save him the headaches he gets from other wines. 

The Witches came along in 1990, based on the book by Roald Dahl and directed by Nicolas Roeg. It is a darkly comic fantasy which isn't going to win any kudos at the local PTA meeting.

The witches in this film hate children, which doesn't necessarily make them bad people, if you were to ask me. They do, however, want to destroy the little tykes, and that really is out of bounds - even for kid-hating witches. Just look at poor Hansel, who could have been a witch's entrée except for sister Gretel's quick thinking. Let it be noted that in this fantasy world, the evil witches can ruin everything unless they are stopped by a boy and his granny. The world seems to be in a bit of trouble, trouble, toil and bubble, so let's find a sparkling wine from an appropriately named producer. 

San Diego County's Witch Creek Winery has a bubbly bottle called Cool Cat. While witches don't like kids, they do like cats - it's one of the great paradoxes of life. The winery also offers up Cat's Cauldron Chardonnay which features a witch as well as the cat on the label.

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Blood Of The Vines - Three Great Movies

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine three films which always turn up in discussions of the greatest of all time.

In case you don't get enough exposure to feelings of entitlement in your average day, take in a viewing of Rules of the Game. The French film from 1939 brings enough biting satire to the table to cover a full day even in an entitlement-rich place like La-La Land.

The setting of Jean Renoir's hard-nosed comedy is a country estate in France, where a group of bougie pals get together for a weekend soirée. The dance card includes staring down the impending World War with an overnight bag in one hand and a magnum of Champagne in the other. The romp includes a dashing aviator's hurt feelings, mistaken identities, and death as the recipe for a bunch of king-sized mal de têtes. 

You'll want only the best for this viewing party, and we're not talking about Veuve Clicquot. A good bottle of vintage Dom Perignon will run you about three bills - but it could still leave you with stars in your eyes if you gulp too much of it.

In 1941, Orson Welles added Citizen Kane to the G.O.A.T. consideration. It was his debut as a director, and we'll wait while you find us another first-time effort that rose to that height. Go ahead, we have all day. 

The film makes "Rosebud" one of the all-time great movie spoilers, right up there with "Willis is dead for the whole movie," "Bambi's mom gets shot" and "Old Yeller dies."

Neither Kane nor Rules were received very well by audiences of the day, although Welles collected a writing Oscar and Kane garnered heaps of praise for its cinematography and editing. The things that always struck me about Citizen Kane were the sets. How big is your fireplace? How much space lies between you and your spouse at the dinner table? Does your mansion have a warehouse attached?

Since Charles Foster Kane is believed to be at least partially inspired by William Randolph Hearst, let's pair a wine from Hearst Ranch in San Simeon. The 2020 Pancho Petit Verdot and the 2020 GSM both sell for $52. You supply the headlines and let them supply the wine.

1942's To Be Or Not to Be is regarded as a comedy classic today, but it wasn't always so. The satire of the Jack Benny/Carol Lombard vehicle missed the mark for many at the time of its release. There was something about people not finding the humor wrapped in a Nazi uniform. To be fair, there was a camp that saw the film for what it was, so the verdict at the time was mixed.

I have wondered how a Beloved Entertainer like Benny ended up in the lead role of the play-within-the-movie, Gestapo. He was really a "playing the cornfields" type of comic. Well, director Ernst Lubitsch reportedly wrote the role with Benny in mind, which so impressed him that he jumped at the chance to become Josef Tura.

The movie's troupe of actors plays the part of Hitler's goons so well that they even fool Hitler. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, serve Veuve Clicquot and call it Dom. You'll save about $250 and still get all the bubbles you want. 

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Blood Of The Vines - More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine three under-the-radar films which more than likely escaped your notice.

Uzmaki is a 2000 horror film based on a manga (Japanese graphic novel) which was still being created while the movie was being made. Hence, the two stories ended up with different endings. The plot centers on a town's obsession with spirals, and the tendency of its inhabitants to turn into snails. The real horror? There is no French restaurant around to take advantage of the suddenly plentiful supply of king-sized escargot. 

Beware if you see this in a theater and one of the patrons leaves a slimy trail as he exits. 

The film was released as the lead picture of a double feature - which leaves us to wonder why the second half was left out of this Blood of the Vines article. Certainly, if you have never heard of Uzmaki, you can't be expected to know its second banana.

There can be no finer wine pairing for Uzmaki than The Holy Snail, a Loire Valley Sauvignon Blanc. Don't get hypnotized by the lovely spiral contained in the picture of the snail on the label.

2018's Overwhelm the Sky is the creation of TFH guru Daniel Kremer. His story - updating an 18th-century novel - concerns a radio personality. Finally, one about me! Just kidding. My radio career wasn't all that exciting, and with movies like this one and Play Misty For Me, I'm glad it wasn't. 

Do you recall the old vaudeville bit in which a man complains to a doctor that he doesn't sleep at night, that he just walks around all night long? The doctor says, "Oh, you're a somnambulist." The man replies, "No, I'm a night watchman." It just goes to show that things are not always what they seem.

Overwhelm does just that, with a black-and-white dreamscape that has been lauded for its cinematic inventiveness. Our golden-throated radio guy stays up nights exploring the death of one of his friends. It's no substitute for a warm glass of milk before bedtime - or a stiff drink for that matter - and if you end up losing sleep over the film, Kremer will no doubt feel that he has done his job.

Some folks feel overwhelmed when trying to choose a wine. One survey says 23% of wine shoppers feel overwhelmed by the choices before them. South Africa's Easy Choice Winery tries to take the angst out of buying wine, with labels like "The One With the Berries" and "The One That Grows on You." Is it a real winery or just a kooky branding idea? I'm still looking for their actual website. There are plenty of articles available, though, on what a kooky branding idea it is. If we can simplify your wine pairing search with a Herzogovenian recco, here it is: Mjesečar, from Brkic Winery. It translates as "sleepwalker," and it's also the perfect gift for the night watchman in your life. The Žilavka grapes were aged in Bosnian oak barrels. Who said choosing a wine is hard?

A movie title like Don't Worry We'll Think of a Title throws up a ton of red flags, and offers a reason why you may have missed this one the first time around. The 1966 comedy stars Morey Amsterdam, Rose Marie and Richard Deacon. To sweeten the deal, they throw in some uncredited cameos from the likes of Steve Allen, Milton Berle, Carl Reiner, Irene Ryan, Danny Thomas, Nick Adams, Cliff Arquette and Forrest Tucker. But wait! Order before midnight and get Moe Howard, not as a Stooge. Now we're talkin’.

Welll, not so fast. Amsterdam - the co-writer, by the way - plays an ordinary Joe, or actually an ordinary Charlie with the last name of Yuckapuck. That's a name only a Catskills comedy writer could love. The humor here gets better the more borscht you have under your belt. The script is maybe a little light on bald jokes aimed at Deacon's invisible hairline, or maybe it's just a little light all the way around.

For Don't Worry, let's uncork a bottle from the Catskills.  Tannerville's Hudson-Chatham Winery has a wine made from the hybrid Baco Noir grape.  Morey might have said, "didja hear the one about the vitis vinifera that got crossed with a vitis riparia?"  Okay, so maybe he would have thrown in a bald joke instead.  This juice is a far cry from the old berry wines of the mid-60s Catskills resort era.

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Blood Of The Vines - Border Incidents

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we examine some films which border on the border.

The stars are here in The Border - Jack Nicholson, Harvey Keitel, Valerie Perrine, Warren Oates - in a noirish 1982 film about the southern US border. You know, the one that's leaking like a sieve? Lie. The one that needs a big, beautiful wall? Big lie. The one that's actually a river for about 2,000 miles? Truth.

Nicholson is an INS agent, one of the guys who patrols the border to keep us safe from those tired, poor, wretched huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Keitel, well, he and Oates are the dark side. You probably saw that one coming. 

The soundtrack is really worth a listen, with a score by Ry Cooder and other borderesque tunes by the likes of Freddy Fender and Sam The Sham. I recall that it made for some great listening while grilling hot links on the patio in the Texas summer sun. 

Remember when some tan seekers would slather themselves in baby oil before draping their bodies over a poolside chaise lounge? Popular radio stations would air a loud "ding" in their top 40 mix to let listeners know when it was time to turn over. If a woman wanted to sauté herself for me, I personally preferred that she used cocoa butter and some Chardonnay. 

That's a good pairing idea for The Border, a nice, buttery Chardonnay. There is one called Butter which you can pick up at the supermarket for less than $15. It also comes in a box, if that's how you roll in your double-wide. If you want to step up your game, Edna Valley Vineyards makes a great buttery Chardonnay for about $40.

Border Incident is an actual film noir, from 1949. Ricardo Montalbán and George Murphy star, along with Howard Da Silva, in a tale of two undercover agents trying to stop the smuggling of migrant workers from Mexico into California. It was done on a shoestring budget, and it shows in the lighting. So many shadows! Oh, I'm being told that cinematographer John Alton shot it that way on purpose. So that's where the noir comes in.

Montalbán, from Mexico by the way, said this was one of the few movies he made in which he was allowed to portray a Mexican. The narration that opens and closes the picture gets a bit jingoistic, but if you can get past that, the rewards are there with a story that is before its time, a visual presence that is stunning and acting that surpasses what might have been expected from MGM's tight purse strings.

Mexico's L.A. Cetto Winery offers a wide range of wines from the Valle de Guadalupe, just across the border. They make a nice Nebbiolo that sells for around $20 and is readily available in the U.S. 

One, Two, Three deals with a different border - that which existed in 1961 between the two halves of Germany. Directed and co-written by Billy Wilder, it's what the blurb writers used to call a Laff Riot, but you'd expect nothing less from Wilder. 

The film is set in West Berlin, before the wall between east and west was built. James Cagney delivers a tour de force performance as a big wig with the Coca Cola Company. He is called upon by his boss in Atlanta to play host to the big guy's teenage, southern belle daughter - who gets hitched to a card-carrying commie while vacationing in the Rhineland. Horst Buchholtz turns in a stellar job as the Red Devil from the East, while Pamela Tiffin scores as the impressionable Lady Coke. 

Spätburgunder is the German version of Pinot Noir, even though it sounds like Jimmy Cagney responding to a sneeze. Rudolf Fürst is considered a "magician" with the grape, and his wines run in the $30 range. One: buy the movie! Two: buy the wine! Three: enjoy your evening! Go!

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Blood Of The Vines - Raquel Welch Week

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we look back fondly at the late Raquel Welch. We will also lift a glass to her with a wine pairing for each of these films in which she graced the screen. However, my personal favorite Raquel moment is when she showed her comedic chops on television - playing a diva'd up version of herself on Seinfeld.

The movie that put Ms. Welch on the map was One Million Years BC, back in 1966. Never mind the anachronisms - humans and dinosaurs did not roam the earth together. But if they did, the humans surely would have been dressed in fur bikinis. Standing around ogling the females, though, would still get you branded as a neanderthal from the Rock tribe.

Aside from the spectacle of Raquel in a fur bikini - the iconic poster of which was used in The Shawshank Redemption - special effects from the great Ray Harryhausen are worth watching. In fact, whether you prefer the Harryhausen stop-action or the fur bikini probably says a lot about you.

The movie established Welch as a full-blown sex symbol, a tag that stayed with her throughout her career. She did overcome that stigma by showing time and again that she had acting chops and was more than a pretty face.

Well, some bubbles to celebrate Raquel would certainly be in order, especially since she starred in a commercial for Freixenet in 1985. The cava - that's the Spanish bubbly wine - sells for around $10 in most places and tastes as good as a sparkler from a higher price range.

1970 saw Welch starring in Myra Breckinridge, the sex-change comedy adapted from Gore Vidal's novel. The movie was so bad that Vidal later looked around, pointed at himself and said, "Me? Nah, I didn't write that."

Most critics felt that "comedy" was an unfair description of the film, since the humor was thought to be as tasteless as anything that had ever splattered against the big screen. It received an X rating due to the graphic sexual content - and maybe due to the general crappiness of the feature. Today it has a cult following, proving that there is actually an audience for everything.

The one-sheet movie poster may be the best thing about Myra, as it has Welch again donning a bikini - this time a star-spangled one.

Continental Divide Winery is in Breckenridge, Colorado. Although spelled a bit differently than Myra's name, they boast that they are the world's highest altitude winery. That's a claim that may draw a quibble from some winemaker in the Andes Mountains. Continental Divide makes their Winter Is Coming red blend from Colorado grapes and sells it at California prices. 

Fantastic Voyage was from 1966, but just before the cavewoman epic. It stars Welch as one of a team of scientists who are miniaturized and injected into a human so they can clear a blood clot in the guy's brain. Right, it's unbelievable, but it's science fiction, so suspend your sense of what is possible now. 

The producers had yet to get the memo that Raquel in a bikini equals butts in the seats, but they were kind enough to provide a form-fitting inner-space suit for her to wear. 

Voyage is actually a pretty good sci-fi, one that still holds up today. The movie got a handful of Oscar nominations and won a pair of them, for art direction and special effects.

I ran across a cocktail named Fantastic Voyage - Riesling, whiskey and vanilla liqueur, if you're interested - although I would imagine its greatest appeal is to fans of vanilla liqueur. Voyager Estate makes wine along Australia's Margaret River, and their Shiraz goes for about $40.

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Blood Of The Vines - 70s Scuzz

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week we take a look at a few movies which detail some of the more disreputable aspects of the Me Decade. We will try to class up the joint a bit with wine pairings for each film.

Dealing: Or the Berkeley-to-Boston 40-Brick Lost-Bag Blues is a 1972 film based on the novel from two years earlier. I think I read the book, but I'm not sure that I ever saw the movie back then - but, there is an awful lot from that era that I don't remember.

The film does feature John Lithgow's first role, as a drug dealer's second banana. It's a pretty cool read, if I remember correctly. It's a sort of hip thriller aimed at those daring souls who stuffed a dime bag in their sock after scoring some weed. Those were the days. It's just not the same, buying pot in a boutique shop.

Now, for a fake wine pairing. First off, Wakey Wines is owned by a convicted drug dealer. He was even bounced from Tik Tok for posting things that were not true - sort of like how Trump got kicked off Twitter. And just as Trump was reinstated on that platform, Tik Tok gave the Wakey guy his megaphone back. His social media shows him dealing nothing but scuzz here in the 21st century. 

Coca wine was a blend of wine and cocaine, but it fell on hard times when cocaine was banned in the US in 1914. When alcohol was banned six years later, coca wine found itself s.o.l.

I have had fun exploring the scuzzy wine pairing possibilities for Dealing, but it's time to actually deliver the goods, with a real wine pairing for the film. If you do enough dealing, you're bound to get busted. Busted Grapes Winery is in upstate New York - about as upstate as it gets. The winery is in a placid community called Black River, just outside of Watertown, away from Lake Ontario. They make wines from those cold-hardy grapes - Marquette, Catawba, Niagara, Frontenac. No prices are given, but they can't cost that much, can they? And, they ship.

Fuzz was a 1972 action comedy. As a 1972 action comedy, could it have starred anyone else but Burt Reynolds and Raquel Welch? A better looking pair of detectives you'd be hard pressed to find. And Reynolds was fresh off his centerfold appearance in Cosmo. But wait, there's more! For the same low price, you also get Jack Weston, Tom Skerrit and Yul Brenner - crazy man, crazy. If you call before midnight tonight, we'll throw in the fabulous Peter Bonerz, whose work on The Bob Newhart Show made him a dentist forever. The story, eh, well, did we mention it stars Burt Reynolds and Raquel Welch?

I didn't expect this pairing to be so easy. Fuzz, the Gamay wine, is made by Brendan Tracey. He also puts his name on wines called Capitalism Rouge, Mellow Yellow and Rue de la Soif - Thirsty Street. He is New Jersey born, raised in California and lives in the land he loves, France. He sells Fuzz for around $35. 

Switchblade Sisters came from 1975, and shares a slice of life from an all-girl high school gang. Now, I went to high school a long time ago, but our "bad girls" were more inclined to give you a hickey than a stab wound. That I do remember. 

These Switchblade Sisters could stand toe-to-toe with the male gangs and go tit for tat with the violence. Shootings, murders, assaults, knifings - and that's all before fourth period. 

It could have been called The Jezebels, but the producers reportedly didn't think viewers would know what that meant. The film was destined to fall into obscurity, but it got a new lease on life as a cult classic when Quentin Tarantino cited it as a personal fave and re-released it. There's a guy who knows a Jezebel when he sees one. 

Oregon's Willful Wine Company is apparently among those who are not equipped with a working definition for Jezebel. That is the name they gave to their Pinot Noir, which they call easy-going, well-balanced and fruit-forward. Well, at $20, at least it's cheap. 

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Blood Of The Vines - The Kitchen Sink Movement

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, three movies from the early 1960s which make a close examination of some harsh realities. We have wine pairings for each, to take the edge off. 

The Kitchen Sink Movement came about in British arts in the late 1950s. It was an antidote to the prim, fussy attitudes of plays and movies at the time, giving viewers a super-realistic look at life from the seedy underbelly of UK society, whether they wanted it or not.

In 1962's The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, the British version of reform school gets a long look. Tom Courtenay takes the lead in his Borstal training and discovers that the lead is something he can choose to give up. Courtenay's character finds out that there is little else to do while running long distances than obsess over the poor life choices that put him under lock and key. Dead dad? Tough. Caught stealing? Too bad. Legs feel tired? C'mon, lad. 

In their Ooh La La album, the Faces made Borstal life sound more like an adventure than the penitential slap in the face it was. "We're up here boy, and you're down there, and don't you forget it." Maybe a good long run will help him forget. Or, maybe not. Forgetting isn't easy. 

Ghostrunner makes only one blend - Cab and Petite Sirah from the Central Coast. But, no matter how far you run - there you are. Drink up, but allow a half hour before undertaking a 5k.

In 1963, Tom Courtenay took the lead again in Billy Liar. His character has a sort of Thurberesque way of dealing with the unpleasantness of his mundane life. He imagines himself to be a hero in some more consequential scenario. Imagining is the extent of his bravado, however, which is underscored when he falls for a gal who seems to have the gumption to actually reach for the fruit that is higher up in the tree.

Does Billy Liar have what it takes to bring himself into full sociopathic bloom? No. He daydreams when he could think, shrugs when he could act. Even when presented with the prospect of the marvelous Julie Christie. He's doomed to live his life in the shadows of what he imagines himself to be. And that's probably good for all concerned if Alex from A Clockwork Orange is seen as the result of his natural evolution. 

Red 55 Winery has White Liar Chardonnay available for less than $20. The song of that name was a big hit for Miranda Lambert in 2009, in case you had forgotten. Red 55 is run by the family of that Texas songstress. If it makes you feel any better about purchasing from a celebrity winery which features Valentine's Day party packs, a wine called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and an Electric Pink White Zinfandel, it was named after Miranda's first pickup truck, a red '55 stepside. 

Sidney Furie's The Leather Boys is about a gay biker in London's rocker subculture. The film was pretty steamy for its time and has been hailed as a watershed moment in queer cinema. Everybody seems to be sleeping with everybody else, and no one is really all that happy about it. Ah, life in the south London suburbs - all the grit, at no extra charge.

There is an unhappy marriage, a fake pregnancy, a motorcycle race, a homosexual encounter and a dream of a better life in America dashed on the rocks by the gay pub. 

I was tempted to pair a wine from the southern Rhône Valley with this film, due to the hint of leather one would expect on the nose. Then I found this Paso Robles Zinfandel from Four Vines, The Biker. The label shows a young lady biker who has limited the leather to her head and feet, opting for lace elsewhere.

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Blood Of The Vines - Going Aloft

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we look up, up and away for a trio of flying films. Of course, there are wine pairings for each.

Test Pilot, from 1938, stars Clark Gable, Myrna Loy and Spencer Tracy, who were three of Hollywood's top box office draws of the day. The film was directed by Victor Fleming, who also directed another movie featuring flying, but in this one the house stays on the ground and there are no munchkins in the script. However, a farm in Kansas is involved. 

The script, by the way, was based on a story by a real-life pilot who also served as a co-writer. The tale has Gable and Spencer as flyboy buddies with a woman between them. As you might expect, only one of the buddies makes it out alive. I mean, it's a romantic drama, not a romantic comedy.

The movie was a big hit with critics and paying customers alike. The flying sequences are still lauded today due to their realism and use of the latest aircraft of the era. There is a certain cachet to watching a film in which the B-17 bomber was considered cutting-edge. 

George Cooper was an actual NASA test pilot who turned to winemaking with his wife, Louise Garrod. The Garrod Farms Test Pilot wines are named after all the planes Cooper flew, including his description of them on the back label. Try the F-104 Starfighter, a Côtes-Rôtie-style co-fermentation of Syrah and Viognier. There are six wines in the line, so a half case would be fine, especially if you plan to watch Test Pilot repeatedly.

Someone must have thought airborne romance was a good idea, because a year later, in 1939, Howard Hawks helmed Only Angels Have Wings. Hawks was involved in Test Pilot, so his head stayed in the clouds awhile. 

This time around, it's Cary Grant and Jean Arthur who provide the earthbound sparks, while the flying scenes again drew kudos from those who appreciate a good shot of an airplane doing its thing. The next time you're at an air show, look around. The people closest to the action are the audience for this film.

These pilots deliver air mail over the Andes Mountains, which seems like a more dangerous occupation to settle for than for most flyers of that ilk. Today, they would probably be flying a rocket full of gaskets to the space station. The planes are once again co-stars, with a Ford Trimotor serving as a dramatic vehicle. "Engine number one is on fire!" "Engine number two is on fire!" "How many engines did you say this crate has?"

Cheval des Andes is the South American branch of Château Cheval Blanc, the great Bordeaux estate. Their blends utilize Argentine Malbec and Cabernet Sauvignon mainly, and run on the high or low side of $100, depending on the vintage. 

These days, a title like The High and the Mighty might be taken as an ad for cannabis delivery. Back in 1954, it was taken as Big John Wayne's most recent action flick. It was also a precursor to all those disaster films which would come decades later - and to the spoofs of said films. This was the first movie in which Robert Stack picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue, although this time as the pilot, not the ground crew, as in Airplane.

The flight takes off from Honolulu, headed for San Francisco, and endures engine failure, a fuel leak, a passenger with a gun, and the looming prospect of ditching the DC-4 in the ocean. All-in-all, there is considerably more trouble than just running low on peanuts.

The flight attendant has to deal with a multitude of personalities, which make those scenes look like Airplane by way of Gilligan's Island. There's an actress, a millionaire, a former beauty queen, a giddy tourist, and a guy with a terminal illness and a pocket watch. There is no record of The Professor and/or Mary Ann on board.

An airliner really is not the best place for drinking wine. The higher altitude robs us of our sense of taste, while the dry air in the cabin saps our sense of smell and further inhibits our taste buds. How else do you think they get away with that airline food? The best bet for a wine for the Mile High Club is one with higher alcohol and lower acidity, so the diminished senses still have something to work with. Try a Syrah, Merlot, Chardonnay or Viognier for a better tasting experience. 

Wine Enthusiast magazine says Cathay Pacific has the best in-flight wine program, followed by Etihad Airways, Qatar Airlines, LAN Airlines, Singapore Airlines, ANA, SWISS, Virgin-Atlantic, Qantas and British Airways. I generally get a martini while flying first class to Saint-Tropez, but it's entirely up to you. 

 

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Blood Of The Vines - Lurking With Lorre

Pairing‌ ‌wine‌ ‌with‌ ‌movies!‌  ‌See‌ ‌the‌ ‌trailers‌ ‌and‌ ‌hear‌ ‌the‌ ‌fascinating‌ ‌commentary‌ ‌for‌ ‌these‌ ‌movies‌ ‌and‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌at‌ ‌Trailers‌ ‌From‌ ‌Hell.‌ This week, we dig into a few movies featuring Peter Lorre - with wine pairings for each.

Peter Lorre was an amazing actor, we don't need to beat that horse to death. However, beyond his emotive skills was that voice - that incredible voice. His take as Joel Cairo in The Maltese Falcon is a superb example of the unconvincing convincer. When he tells Sam Spade to "kindly clasp your hands behind your neck" it’s no surprise that the table is turned faster than a Lazy Susan. There was a comic - I can't remember who - who did a quick impression of Lorre as a sportscaster, running down how one team killed, murdered… annihilated the other. In that voice. That incredible voice.

The Face Behind the Mask came to us in 1941 - prime time for film noir. Lorre stars as Johnny Szabo, a Hungarian immigrant who quickly learns the ropes in the US of A. Disfigured in a fire, he finds the only means of earning a living that's available to him is safecracking. If safecracking is in your toolbox to start with, it's possible that you aren't that nice a person anyway. However, if Lorre is in the role, you can expect that something is amiss somewhere. And something is.

There is a New England IPA called The Safecracker - who knows why. Oregon's Pheasant Run Winery used to have a Safecracker Syrah, but it seems that has been bumped in favor of their Bank Robber Red. That'll do in a pinch. We know whodunnit, we just won't say how.

From 1935, Mad Love started out as The Hands of Orlac, but what was no doubt a team of marketers somehow got Mad Love out of those words. You know how sometimes on your way home from work, they're doing a perp walk with a knife-throwing murderer down the street? Yeah? Well, that's what happens to Lorre in this film. He ends up in possession of the late murderer's hands and uses them in a transplant. "Just happen to have a couple in the laboratory." "But doctor, will I ever be able to throw a knife again?" "Yes, but your piano playing days are down the toilet, I'm afraid."

There are plenty of T-shirts for sale with funny bits like, "Just another wine drinker with a knife-throwing problem." The level of hilarity probably depends on whether you are the thrower or the throwee. In Texas, there is even a sub-culture of axe throwers, of which the less we know, the better. 

In the movie's frenzied climax, Lorre mistakes a real woman for a wax dummy, which makes one wonder how he managed to pull off a hand transplant. It's a good thing she didn't employ him to do a breast augmentation.

VineOh! - the name just rings of oeno-sincerity, doesn't it? - has a Mad Love Pinot Noir, Chardonnay and a Mad Love sweet white blend. One of those has to be good for viewing this film.

The Beast With 5 Fingers gave 1946 a dose of Hollywood horror. It's the old "severed hand" trope brought back to life in grand fashion by Warner Brothers. The poster beckons, "Your flesh will creep at the hand that crawls!" However much they paid ad men back then, the one who wrote that log line earned his day's pay. Depending on your gullibility, it can be either the subject of those campfire tales about what happened in "the next town over" or an early glimpse of Cousin Itt. 

A dead piano player's hand comes back from the grave and tickles the ivories a little more, in between strangulations, of course. Lorre's character tries to end the five-fingered fiend by flinging it into the fire. Spoiler: He lives just long enough to regret it

In Washington's Columbia Valley there is a red blend known as Sinister Hand. I'm not one to point fingers, but soft, juicy, and vanilla doesn't sound all that sinister to me, but maybe I would feel differently with a hand crawling up my leg. 

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