Blood Of The Vines - Future Shock

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we have wine pairings for a trio of forward-looking bummers. 

Future shock is the feeling of being overwhelmed by too much change in too short a time span. It's a feeling that has become known as "life" in our modern world. All this technology was supposed to make life easier. And still, we have to ask, "Where is my goddam jetpack?" We need drinks for these movies. Fortunately, for our wine pairings, the future is now.

Zardoz is, well, I'm at a loss for words. The 1974 Sean Connery film is a trippy visit to a post-apocalyptic wasteland in which regular folks toil away to serve one-percenters. A big stone idol rules the land. Speaking of stoned, the costuming crew must have been high. Connery's bikini-meets-bandolero outfit goes quite nicely with his ponytail and kinky boots. He carries a handgun, but the skimpy costume affords him no place to holster it. 

Wait, what, did you say Sean Connery? Oh, yes. All part of his post-007 rebranding effort. Maybe he should have waited for a sequel to Darby O’Gill and the Little People. It is said that those leaving the theater after watching Zardoz advised those waiting in line to save their money. As with so many of the entries in the futuristic post-apocalyptic film catalog, Zardoz has developed a cult following. This is despite the title sounding like it should have been the name of a sleep aid. Ask your doctor if Zardoz is right for you.

There is a New Zealand IPA called Future Shock, but we can get an IPA without going international. For that matter, we can get a great Syrah/Grenache blend as close as Paso Robles. Thibido Winery's Future Crossings sells for $65, and it sports a name that sounds Cajun but looks Italian. Gotta love that. 

Blade Runner is the original 1982 vision of despair from Sir Ridley Scott. The bleak look of Los Angeles in the year 2019 has been recycled in countless sci-fi movies. I don't know why the film was set only 37 years in the future. Did the producers think that the movie would not live beyond the theaters? Maybe they simply couldn’t foresee a future where films would be available through something called "streaming," a barren landscape littered with unrelenting advertisements, much like their prediction of L.A. 

We love Harrison Ford looking and sounding just about as weary and bored as he could possibly be, hunting replicants so they can be "retired." This is the sort of retirement that comes with no pension, by the way. But M. Emmett Walsh as the top cop is a boss casting move. "I need ya, Dex. I need the old blade runner. I need your magic."

In Blade Runner, Ford's Deckard drinks Johnnie Walker Black Label 12-year old whisky. Scotch drinkers, put on your kilt and have at it, but don't try to get away with Connery's costume from Zardoz. For we winos, try Mas des Infermières, from Scott's estate in France's Luberon region. That area shares borders with both the Rhône Valley and Provence, so it's bound to be good. It starts at around $25. Accept no replicants. 

1973's The Last Days of Man on Earth is a British black comedy called The Final Programme, which was rebranded under the Last Days title for the rest of the world. Here's the difference between a British thriller and one from America. The American one utilizes a gun as its main source of fear. The British one uses a chessboard. 

The script was reworked from a book by Michael Moorcock. The author reportedly had to inform the cast that their lines were meant to be funny, which is called Getting Off on the Wrong Foot. Critics didn't exactly like the film. One sci-fi critic thought it was disastrous and predicted that viewers would want their money back even if they saw it on TV. Good luck getting a discount on your cable bill. 

There are no ill wishes here, but as Amsterdam and Trafalgar Square get the post-apocalyptic treatment, it's nice that it wasn't L.A. or New York, for a change. Boss casting note: Sterling Hayden gets another role as a deranged military man, Major Wrongway Lindbergh, to go along with his Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove. 

Last Days does have quite a following, largely due to the Moorcock book series. His concept of the Eternal Champion as a balance between the opposing forces of Law and Chaos leaves me wondering where the hell it was hiding during the Republican National Convention.

An Eternal Champion deserves an Eternal Wine, from Walla Walla, Washington, which is a place that's just fun to say. They identify as being in the Airport District, which doesn't sound like a very pastoral location for a winery. We assume their airport is not quite as busy as LAX. But, as hope springs eternal, so does Syrah. Eternal has ten single-vineyard Syrahs on offer. Stop by while you're in the Airport District and do a flight. 

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Blood Of The Vines - The Velvet Touch

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we have wine pairings for three films which either invite you, command you, or discourage you from drinking. Which is which? You tell me.

One of the better things about 2021 was the Todd Haynes documentary, The Velvet Underground. The movie shows the unbelievably quick rise and fall of the rock group of the same name. 

The group formed in 1964, around the nucleus of Lou Reed and John Cale. With Andy Warhol as their one-time manager, they enjoyed much 1960s notoriety for their songs, which were written to rub middle America the wrong way. As a result, they enjoyed no Top 40 hits, but became mainstays on the burgeoning album rock format on FM radio.

"Sweet Jane," "Rock and Roll," "I'm Waiting for the Man," "Heroin" and "Venus in Furs" were not hummable hits. Well, maybe "Sweet Jane" was. And "Rock and Roll." And, OK, I have found myself humming "I'm Waiting for the Man" many times. "Heroin," not so much. Same for "Venus in Furs." It all depends on how you want to hum.

By the time 1970's Loaded came out, the band had pretty much run its course. One of the lesser members tried to carry on the name, but without Lou Reed it was just another band. Loaded would have been a fantastic swan song. It's one of the finest albums of the rock era, said Rolling Stone, back when they wrote about, you know, music.

What better wine pairing for The Velvet Underground could we find than The Velvet Underground? The Sonoma bourbon barrel red blend is full of intense flavor, like the band. Its lushness takes it out of the lo-fi realm, but at 17% alcohol and the whiskey-laced flavor, it probably would go well with both "Rock and Roll" and "Sweet Jane." It's a $25 bottle. 

Todd Haynes was no stranger to rock and roll, as the previous film demonstrates. Before that, in 1998, he wrote and directed Velvet Goldmine, a musical drama about a glam rocker who was loosely based on David Bowie. It was maybe not so loosely based, as touchstones like Bowie, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, Slade, Bowie's first wife Angie, and even a fictional band called Venus in Furs populate the script. All it needs are some tunes from Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars to be full-blown glam. 

However, Bowie did not cooperate, refusing to make his songs available to Haynes. He didn't like Haynes' request, and he didn't much like the movie, either. One of our TFH team members has pointed out to me that Haynes saved the day by finding some "faux-glam" songs which work well in the film.

Wisconsin's Spurgeon Vineyards gets close to a namesake wine with Velvet Gold. It is a sweet, white grape wine described as having a "grapey" taste. That's low praise, but it only costs a little more than a dozen dollars, plus whatever goldmine you have to put forth for shipping.

The talk of 1986 was, at least in movies, David Lynch's magnum opus of weirdness, Blue Velvet. My close friend Tom took his girlfriend to see it during its opening weekend. He called me on Monday, advising me to see it, while warning me not to take a date. "Don't let the title fool you," he said. "It's not a date movie."

It is a disturbing film, but after seeing Lynch's Eraserhead, I expected nothing less. Many critics panned Blue Velvet, citing its extreme violence, brutal sexuality, and dreamlike quality. Their views have largely mellowed over the years. Now the film is hailed as a masterpiece. Maybe the critics were inhaling whatever Frank Booth was having. 

Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth is the most unhinged and deranged character of the Hopper pantheon. His psychotic violence and reliance on some sort of gas, which he huffs from an oxygen mask, are both horrifying and spellbinding. If you think to yourself, "Hey, I once knew a guy like that," you are lucky to still be alive. 

Swiss wine may be harder to find than the true owner of a Swiss bank account. I didn't know they grew grapes there, I thought money was their cash crop. Switzerland's Mythopia Wines makes a Pinot Noir named Blue Velvet, which, for my money, is a good place to stop and spend $100 bucks or so. You won't find it on the wine list at This Is It, but you won't find a wine list there, either. Just order a Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!

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Blood Of The Vines - Robert Towne Week

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we look at three films from Robert Towne's Selectric. Stop taking our icons, already!

Robert Towne died last week, at the ripe old age of 89. He is a legend in Hollywood, the author of so many great films you have to wonder how he ever had time to go shopping, or take out the garbage. He was so proud of his work that if he didn't like the way the movie turned out, he would take his name off of it. He may have done that as many times as not. Once again, we have to lift our glasses to a great one who has gone to the big screening room in the sky.

They say you can't win them all, and Towne proved that by grabbing three Oscar noms in his career, but taking home hardware only once. That was for Chinatown in 1974. It wasn't just a great script, it is used in textbooks designed to teach people how to write great scripts. Do they work? Well, I read one of those books, then read the script for Chinatown, but there is nothing on IMDB to show that anything came from that. 

The movie centers on the way Los Angeles became a big city, by taking water from the Owens Valley via the Los Angeles Aqueduct. Before that happened, L.A. was a big wine producing area. When the water started flowing in, so did urbanization. All the grape vines that once grew from Malibu to the Inland Empire were ripped out to make way for urban sprawl. That's progress, I guess.

The only L.A. winery from those days that is still here is San Antonio Winery. It is still located in downtown Los Angeles thanks to Catholicism. They survived Prohibition because they made sacramental wines for the church, the stuff that pairs well with a wafer. The Riboli family no longer uses SoCal grapes for their wines, but they make some good stuff, sourced from Paso Robles, Monterey County, Napa Valley, even Italy. Their Opaque line is made from Paso fruit. The Petit Verdot and Tannat wines sell for $30.

Shampoo, from 1975, was co-written by Towne and the film's star, Warren Beatty. He plays a hair stylist who got into the business for the women. Well, why does any man get into any business? You have to have a going concern if you want the ladies to dig you. Well, unless you're Warren Beatty. That's enough right there. But, give a woman a great haircut and doors will open. Play a good guitar, it's a magnet. Earn a ton of money, the world is your oyster. Make great wine… well, that may be a bit of a reach. 

I notice online there are shampoos and conditioners made with red wine. That seems like an awful waste of red wine to me. I use Suave, and the compliments never end. In fact, when I was younger, a lady admired my hair and asked me what shampoo I used. When I told her it was Suave, she hurled a rather rude rejoinder my way. She spent way more on her shampoo, and her hair wasn't all that great. 

Champoux Vineyard (yes, it's pronounced "shampoo") is an acclaimed plot of land in Washington state, in the Horse Heaven Hills AVA. Andrew Will makes a Merlot-heavy Bordeaux blend that sells for $81. Don't try washing your hair with it. Suave is way cheaper. 

Towne got his start by writing for Roger Corman. 1964's The Tomb of Ligeia was adapted from a story by Edgar Allan Poe. It tells of a woman who marries a man who's dead wife is buried under the house. Was he a hairdresser? Only the executor knows for sure. 

If you find that your new spouse has something buried under the house, it's probably not going to be good news. I mean, money, maybe. Anything else falls into the category of "Why wasn't I informed of this?" The body under the bathroom isn't the worst of it, though. The ex's spirit still pads around those cold stone floors as a cat. As if cats weren't already problematic enough.

In "The Cask of Amontillado," another Poe story, the killer vanquishes his victim by entombing him in a wine cellar. Are there worse ways to go? Maybe. Let me think on it. While I'm thinking, I'll have Lustau's Los Arcos Amontillado sherry. It is bone dry and even more complex than Poe’s villain. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Pix That Rock

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we turn it up to eleven for a trio of films heavily laced with both rock and roll.

At the age of five, I slept with a big stuffed dog named Bebe. Resting against this huge toy was the door to my future, a transistor radio, one with two speakers and a wire handle. It played "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" and songs with even loftier lyrical content. I learned about chain gangs from Sam Cooke, love gone wrong from Roy Orbison and The Everly Brothers. I heard about walking to New Orleans from Fats Domino. Anything Elvis was selling, I was buying. Who knew they'd be making movies about rock'n'roll?

Pirate Radio (The Boat That Rocked) came out in 2009, and it told the story of how rock radio evolved in Great Britain. It evolved by getting outside of Great Britain. As an American, it has always seemed weird to me that the British Broadcasting Company only devoted an hour a day in the mid 1960s to pop music. Rock'n'roll finds a way to seep through the cracks, so adventurous deejay types took to the seas. They broadcast pop to the people from international waters on boats fixed with antennae. They were pirate radio stations.

Radio Caroline was the most famous pirate station, and you can google airchecks of it if you are a radio nerd. If you are reading this, you are probably already a movie nerd, maybe even a wine nerd. It might be wise to limit your nerd exposure.

Pirate Radio is not a British movie, but it has a British feel, owing to the fact that it features Bill Nighy and two guys named Rhys.

For Pirate Radio, say "Aaargh" for a La Sirena Pirate TreasuRed 2019. It's a pirate's booty blend of Syrah, Cabernet Sauvignon, Malbec, Grenache, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot, and Petite Sirah. Rhône, Bordeaux, Bordeaux, Rhône, pirates don't really care what they are raiding if it's from the Napa Valley. $65 a bottle. 

In 1982 Pink Floyd: The Wall was unleashed on an unsuspecting populace. Or, maybe they were expecting it. After all, it had been three years since the release of Pink Floyd's album of the same name. 

Critics have had a great time writing about this film. "One of the most horrifying musicals of all time," "unrelentingly downbeat and at times repulsive," "unremitting in its onslaught upon the senses." That last one, by the way, was from Roger Waters… of Pink Floyd. One critic offered faint praise, saying it was not unwatchable, then added that if directed by Ken Russell it probably would have been. Just a touch of bad blood there, I'm guessing.

The songs, largely based on Waters' childhood, are the focal point of the movie, besides a pretty good performance from Bob Geldof of The Boomtown Rats. I wonder if he had it written in his contract that he got Mondays off?

It's not The Wall, but would a vineyard called The Walls hit the spot? Their Curiosita Tempranillo sports a label depicting a guy peeking over a wall, a la Kilroy. That counts, right? From Washington's Red Mountain AVA, it's $80 for a bottle, you crazy diamond. Oh, and they have a Grenache Rosé, if you want to keep it pink. 

1987's Hail! Hail! Rock & Roll is Taylor Hackford’s documentary that covers a pair of Chuck Berry concerts. The running time of HHRR is two hours, which leads me to believe there is a lot of interview footage included. I saw Berry in Beaumont, Texas in or around '87, and he ran through every one of his hits in record time. The show didn't last a half hour. Couldn't wait to get paid, I suppose. 

In the film, at least, Berry has an all-star band backing him. Keith Richards and Eric Clapton tip their hats, no doubt in recognition of all the riffs they stole from him. Johnnie Johnson was used to his role as Chuck's keyboard player, while Etta James and Linda Ronstadt contributed some vocalizing. 

This movie screams to be turned up to eleven. That makes the wine pairing easy. Andrew Murray Vineyards of Los Olivos has an extensive line of E11even wines, but the one we want here is Remix, a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot and Petite Sirah. It's a $40 wine with nearly two years of oak behind it. Stand aside, it's coming through. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Donald Sutherland Week

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we look at a few films from a great actor who shuffled off this mortal coil last week. 

Donald Sutherland has passed away, a loss for the movie industry that is immeasurable. He was a big part of my formative years, with his roles in Kelly's Heroes, M*A*S*H and, of course, Animal House. I suppose I was already pretty well formed by 1978, but Animal House had a big effect on me anyway. In fact, many of my best friends just after college were fat, drunk and stupid. 

Alex in Wonderland is a 1970 movie about making movies. Specifically, the story follows a director, Sutherland, who finds himself stumped about how to follow up his first film, a big, boffo, box office smash. Director Paul Mazursky may have drawn from his own life. He chose this film as a follow up to Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice. 

I love movies about making movies, and if you’re reading this, you probably do, too. Films like The Player, State and Main, Day for Night, Swimming With Sharks, Blake Edwards' S.O.B., Boogie Nights - heh heh, just had to throw that one in there to see if you're paying attention. Alex in Wonderland fits right in on that list.

Sutherland's Sgt. Oddball character from Kelly's Heroes took a break while waiting on some tank repair. "I'm drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays." Good idea. Let's use a nice white wine for this purpose. You can get one for about $20, but since this is a special occasion, let’s spring for Pascal Jolivet, a $40 bottle in most places. Get a nice goat cheese and a chaise lounge in the sun to go with it. 

In the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Sutherland plays his lead role, as Variety puts it, "all warm and menschy good vibes." That's what makes the ending so hard to take. We don't want to see the nice guy become a replicant who looks like a normal person, but has no human emotion. We have Republican senators for that.

A lot of people say that this is their favorite Donald Sutherland movie, that he helps lift it from being just another tepid remake. As his son said, his dad was "never daunted by a role, good, bad or ugly.

While searching for a wine suitable for a pod, I came across pea pod wine, presumably a British delicacy. They say the pea flavor goes away during fermentation and leaves a wine that is much like a Sauternes. I'll bet it does. And, since we do not want calves brains in red wine, and we do not have any secrets from the Department of Health, why don’t we just have the red wine? Bellingham, from South Africa, has a Pod Red Blend which is mostly Pinotage. If that doesn’t make you yearn for the pea flavor that was vinified out of pea pod wine, check the price: 1,860 rands. I had to use Google, but a rand is worth about a nickel, which still leaves us with a hundred dollar wine. For a Pinotage? That's a hard pass. Calimaia's Vino Nobile is mostly Sangiovese and sells for about $25 a pod, er bottle. Can we move on now?

From 1973, Don't Look Now features Sutherland and Julie Christie grieving over the drowning of their daughter. The film is edited so that it's hard to tell what's from the past, what's in the future and what's happening right now. If you get confused, there's always the steamy sex scene to allow you to hit the reset button.

Long ago, I lived in an apartment next door to a guy I had yet to meet. He had just moved in, and one evening I heard him watching television. I could tell that he was watching a videotape (this was back in the VHS days) and that he kept watching the same segment over and over. I could tell because of the cheesy music. I began to wonder what he was watching, especially since the music in the scene was so very cheesy. Then it dawned on me. He's watching porn, and he's found a favorite passage. If you want to revisit the sex scene in Don't Look Back a few times, I won't think any less of you. Just know that it could be awkward when you meet your next-door neighbor. 

If you're making a cocktail for this one, make it a Death in Venice. We're here for the wine, so let's open up a Veneto Amarone by Masi. This Valpolicella classico runs about $80 and will pair well with the red theme that runs through Don't Look Now. 

Whether you go with my pairings or choose to *gasp* decide for yourself what you'd like to drink, please raise a glass to an actor who wore his emotions on his incredible face. From intense pain to giddy happiness to lost confusion to buzzy inebriation. Donald Sutherland made all those roles his own. And nothing changes that, not even death. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Writer's Block

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we struggle to come up with the words, but the wines come easily. Pairings for these three films about writers will flow from my brain right into the keyboard. At least I hope they will. Can someone please tell those kids in the courtyard to shut up? I'm trying to think here. 

Youngblood Hawke, from 1964, had a cast which included James Franciscus, Suzanne Pleshette, Eva Gabor, Edward Andrews, Hayden Rourke and Werner Klemperer. With names like that, a few years later it could have been a TV series. The film was directed, written and produced by Delmer Daves, who had been busy making, among other things, Troy Donahue movies. Hey, it was a living. 

The lead role was first offered to an almost unknown Warren Beatty. But Beatty demanded 200 grand and approval of script and cast. Who did he think he was, Troy Donahue? Daves must have already had Franciscus' phone number on speed dial. 

The movie was loosely based on the life of Thomas Wolfe, who rose from the murky depths of a backward southern state to write good. Real good. This is the "Look Homeward, Angel" Thomas Wolfe we're talking about here, not the "Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" Tom Wolfe, although he could write good, too. 

Wolfe was only 37 when tuberculosis claimed him in Baltimore, which puts him in some rarified company. Also running out of years in Charm City were Edgar Allan Poe, Representative Elijah Cummings, Brooks Robinson and John Wilkes Booth. Why did I run down this morbid rabbit hole? I'll blame it on writer's block.

Hawkes Wines come from Sonoma County, the Alexander Valley specifically. The Hawkes family was there when prunes were the county's cash crop. They transitioned to grapes and now sell their Pyramid Cabernet Sauvignon for just under a Benjamin. Can't do that with prunes.

1945's The Lost Weekend is about an alcoholic writer. Some might say I'm repeating myself there, or even saying the same thing twice, but if it helps pad the word count I'm all in. One of the movie review sites, one which is not TFH, gives The Lost Weekend a 97% approval rating. You have to wonder what it takes to get that other three percent going. Talk about a tough audience. When they die, they'll be saying, "Yeah, Heaven's alright … I guess."

This film is anything but a slice of heaven. Ray Milland is the drunk writer, the kind of boozer who hides bottles all over the place. He hocks things to afford more bottles, he steals to cover his bar tab. And he ends up in the drunk ward of a hospital, which I suppose is better than the drunk tank at the county jail. But not by much. Jane Wyman plays the girlfriend who deserves so much more. 

It is always difficult to pair a wine with a movie that truly needs a lemonade. But here goes. From Beauregard Vineyards comes, wait for it, Lost Weekend Zinfandel. Have they seen the movie? Have they read the alcohol disclaimer on their own website? Oh, wait, it says here the wine is named after the Lost Weekend Saloon, their registered historic landmark tasting room. I guess that makes it all better. The Zin grapes were planted nearly 150 years ago in the Santa Cruz Mountains and the bottle costs $30. Don't pawn anything important to buy it.

Paris When It Sizzles takes us back to 1964 with William Holden and Audrey Hepburn in Gay Paree. He is the writer who can't, she is the secretary who can. Will they be able to write a script before Bastille Day arrives? Will they find inspiration in each other's eyes before Beaujolais Nouveau day arrives? Will they actually care what brand of Beaujolais Nouveau they are drinking? Some of these questions are answered in the film, so pay attention. 

It's not a recommendation, but I would be hard pressed not to mention Paris Winery, of Cookeville, Tennessee. Some of their wine bottles are in the shape of the Eiffel Tower. How good is the juice inside, I don't know, but the damned bottles look like they're about a yard tall. 

We should note here that Robert Mitchum has a direct link to the wine world through a song he released as a single in 1967, "Little Old Wine Drinker Me." It’s about a guy who tries to drink away his woman troubles, something that happens in this film. 

Did I lose my train of thought? What was I doing here? Oh, right, a wine pairing for Paris When It Sizzles. This writer's block thing is real, I tell ya. Anyway, it's been awhile since we highlighted a Champagne in this space, so let's do it. It's a Champagne house that is just about an hour away from Paris (France, that is) sizzling or not. Veuve Clicquot is the bubbly, and you can have it for as little as $40 if you’re on a budget. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Get 'Em Up!

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we have wine pairings for three films that may prompt you to applaud, with your hands up in the air. 

The phrase "Get ‘em up" has been used so often in movies that it should win a lifetime achievement award. It is direct, authoritative and succinct. And it is so much more convincing than Peter Lorre's nice guy approach from The Maltese Falcon. "You will please clasp your hands together at the back of your neck" simply doesn’t move me to "get 'em up."

Dillinger is the 1945 film that tells the story of John Dillinger's rise and fall. The story goes, he learned his craft in prison and got a gig as a gangster when he got out. Top that, Indeed. And while you're at it, have your AI team write up a resume for a gangster job. 

The movie shows us that Dillinger's first robbery netted him a little more than seven bucks, the same amount he had in his pocket when he was shot after attending a movie. If he had bought an extra popcorn, that fascinating plot point would have gone down the tubes. If he had gotten 'em up, he might have lived to learn more tricks in prison. 

The spelling is a little off, but the taste is right on target with Dehlinger Wines. Located in the Russian River Valley, you know they have a handle on Pinot Noir ($60) and Chardonnay ($40).

1954's Dragnet was directed by and starred the one and only Jack Webb. It was adapted from the radio series, not television, as the case featured in the script was deemed too violent for the small screen. Yes, kids, there was a time when all TVs were small.

Webb is a favorite of mine. He's just all cop. Even playing a swinging young guy in Sunset Boulevard he came off like a narc. The dialog in Dragnet, whether big-, small- or no- screen, always sounds like your junior high school coach telling you to cut your hair. When Webb orders you to "get 'em up," you’d better do just that or suffer one of his withering verbal takedowns. The Joe Friday comeback, "I'll bet your mother had a loud bark," is one of my treasured memories from the Webb file. And as far as the radio version, has foley ever been as obvious as those footsteps? 

The spelling is a little off, again, but Dragonette Cellars in bucolic Buellton has a $100 Pinot Noir that is worth tracking down and arresting. They also do Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Grenache and even a Santa Barbara County olive oil. They're all on the pricey side, but worth it. 

In the 1949 classic White Heat, James Cagney returns to gangster mode. He tried to move away from the tough guy roles, but his career faded a bit and he, uh, bit the bullet. This tough guy was really a mama's boy at heart, although a psychotic mama's boy. 

The trail of violence runs through a couple of prison sentences. After one of them, Cagney's character decides to get the band back together for some more robbing and killing and such. That was really all he knew how to do, even though he kept getting caught. His last opportunity to "get 'em up" goes by the wayside when he shoots the fuel tank on which he stands. Now, you can say that's a stupid move. But if you're a psycho gangster who wants to go out in a blaze of glory, that's probably your only move. "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" 

A white heat wine could be mulled pinot grigio, if you have no Ripple in the house. But for a wine pairing that befits the top of the world claim, let’s look at Argentina's Bodega Fernando Dupont. His winery sits nearly 8,000 feet above sea level in the Andes, and it's in a valley. Oh, there's a tasting room there, too, and they say it has quite the view. The reds are blends of Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon and Syrah. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Brain Drain

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we have wine pairings for three movies concerning the one bodily organ that keeps us from being Trump supporters, the brain. 

Does drinking wine make us smarter, or does it just make us feel smarter? We have already seen how the resveratrol in wine means good things for our heart health, the battle against cancer and holding off Alzheimer's. Now, the National Institutes of Health have a report designed to scare the cocktail out of your hand. It says, "Alcohol interferes with the brain's communication pathways and can affect the way the brain looks and works." The way it looks? What do I care? The way it works? Hey, as long as I have enough juice to keep pumping out these articles on a weekly basis, make mine a Zinfandel. 

From 1957, a classic year for both cars and sci-fi, comes The Brain from Planet Arous. It's as big as a car, this brain, and about as scary as one. It's not scary, not even a little. In fact, this movie was a favorite for my friends back in college. When it was slated for an airing on Friday night's Fear Theater, we knew it was time to open a few and laugh out loud. The brains, there are two of them, are named Gor and Vol, if memory serves. Apparently brains on the Planet Arous favor one syllable names. Easier for a big brain to remember.

Domaine du Mortier offers a wine called Brain de Folie Chenin Blanc. In case you’re wondering, brain de folie is a French expression for hangover, that thing you'll have after a wine-soaked viewing of The Brain from Planet Arous. 

I failed to mention that the brains from Arous possess people. Well, one possesses a dog. Damn, now I've given it away. Here is another film featuring a brain that takes over. Donovan's Brain, from 1953, has a mad scientist type who is operating on a rich guy who was in a car crash. It looks like the guy isn’t going to pull through. "Hey, mind if I just take your brain?"

That was his first mistake. Never take a guy's brain unless you know how to use it. The brain from Mr. Donovan is a real troublemaker. You can't stop it, you can only hope to slow it down. But, actually, you can stop it. The film's climax owes something to Ben Franklin. 

Let's go to sunny southern Oregon for a wine to pair with Donovan's Brain. L. Donovan Wines has a Malbec that was grown in the Rogue Valley. Linda Donovan says it sports flavors of blackberry and chocolate. That sounds like perfect brain food to me.

I don't know about you, but all this talk of brains has me hungry. The Brain Eaters, from 1958, are parasites who eat brains. There, that was simple. They are carried about in glass containers, which get broken every now and then, darn the luck. These parasites are somehow aiming to create a happy, strife-free existence on earth. By eating our brains? I think I lost the thread on that concept. It would be a far happier, more strife-free existence if we ate their brains, I would imagine. Like they say in the land of the crawfish, suck de head, bite de tail.  By the way, that's one reason I let my honorary Cajun card lapse several decades ago. 

But as long as we're talking crustaceans, let's talk Albariño, a crisp white wine that is perfectly suited for pairing with bug-like sea creatures. Tangent has a fine Central Coast bottling for $17, but you can step up to their special Block 163 Albariño for $35. Enjoy with your favorite gray matter crudités. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Skirts And Frails

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we have wine pairings for three movies about women. Goils. Dolls. Babes. Tootsies. Chicks. Skirts. Frails. There, have we been insulting enough for one preamble? On with the show.

They say women make better wine tasters because they have better taste buds, or more of them. I know that is true in my home, where the wife is the one with the palate. When it comes to spices, she likes to say that I know which ones to use, I just don't know how much to use. I guess I tend to overdo it. In a movie, I don't think my wife would enjoy being called a "skirt" or a "frail," but she doesn’t mind "toots," even in real life.

The Women is a big movie from a big year for movies, 1939. The all-female cast stars Norma Shearer, Joan Collins and Rosalind Russell, so how could it miss, miss? By having no misters, mister. Every speaking role is played by a woman.

In a modern day update, perhaps the jilted Mary and Sylvia would end up together and buy a couple of dogs. Females, of course. But in the end, one of them rejoins her cad while the other sharpens her Jungle Red claws. 

There are several hundred women winemakers in California alone, so it won't be hard to find a gender-appropriate pairing for The Women. A big wine writer once called Heidi Barrett the First Lady of Wine, and who am I to pick a fight with either one of them? Her La SirenaLa Sirena label takes a broad view of California wine, but we want the Napa Cabernet Sauvignon here, Aviatrix, at $75.

1933's Baby Face stars Barbara Stanwyck in one of the last films released before the Production Code was instituted the following year. In fact, many students of film history think Baby Face might be the film that broke the camel's back. 

Stanwyck plays a young woman who was prostituted by her father since she was a teenager. See? That’s Pre-Code for ya. The only man she trusts is a shoemaker. I won't even wade into the irony that a woman's best friend is a guy who makes shoes. In addition to probably giving her the insider's discount, he gives her some advice. He tells her she should quit the small-time sex crimes and use her considerable attributes to turn the tables and become the exploiter instead of the exploitee. 

This lifestyle gets her to The Big Apple and sends her quickly up the corporate ladder. But love eventually rears its adorable head, as it nearly always does in the movies, and she sees her material ways for what they are. 

Oh, come on. Hooker Corner Winery? This wine pairing is like shooting fish in a barrel, although I never understood why anyone would do that. The Indiana purveyor makes mostly sweet wines with lurid names like Guilty Pleasures, Dark Secrets and Pucker Up. They don't ship, so the next time you're near Hooker Corner in Pine Ridge, Indiana, bring $15 and find out how the other half lives. 

Theodora Goes Wild is the 1936 screwball comedy that turned Irene Dunne from a dramatic diva into a comedy queen. She's a member of an upright and uptight small town family. She has a secret identity as the author of a scandalously sexy book, the 50 Shades of Grey of its day. The nature of her secret eventually leaks and results in, guess who? Romance, that's who. 

Theodora has a fine time living the life of a celebrity, but it's a tough act to keep propped up. It's hard out there for a Sunday School teacher-cum-secret sex writer who falls in love with the married son of a lieutenant governor. Scandalous! I don't know how Margaret Dumont managed to not be in this picture. 

Theodora is one of the wine family members of Austria's Winerynull, as fictitious as that family may be. Her picture on the label smacks of the side of a milk carton, but she is said to be the vineyard prankster, so check behind the hay bales if you're looking for her. Her namesake white field blend of mostly Grüner Veltliner and Welschriesling runs about $40. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Massive Monsters

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we need some big wine pairings for some big monster movies. Big. Huge. Massive. 

I watched a lot of monster movies as a young man, often with a group of friends and often accompanied by several bottles of wine. It was a long time ago, but the names Ripple, Boone's Farm and Spanada keep flashing before my eyes. We will try to find bigger, better pairings for this trio of films, each worthy of at least a couple of bottles.

The War of the Gargantuas is a 1966 kaiju film, which in English translates to monster movie. This Japanese production features a pair of hairy yetis which are referred to as Frankensteins, even though they bear no resemblance whatsoever to Mary Shelly's homemade human. The flick was intended to be a sequel to another movie that introduced the non-Frankenstein Frankenstein, but the thread got lost somewhere along the way. It happens. Also, Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster. I'll just leave that here in case I find some more nits to pick. 

I should mention that the version dubbed for US release dropped all references to Frankenstein, calling them instead, Gargantuas. One is green and one is brown, but there seems to be confusion as to which is which. It reminds me of the joke about the farmer who had trouble differentiating his two horses, only to measure them and find that the black one was a half inch taller than the white one.

The two Gargantuas are brothers, but they end up fighting in a Tokyo death match. I mean, where else would the monsters fight in a proper kaiju? I would say that I won't spoil the ending for you, even though you have probably watched it repeatedly throughout your life. That is some volcano, huh?

I thought it would be too much to expect a wine called gargantua to rear its hairy head, but lo, here it is. Bergström Wines of Dundee, Oregon makes three Syrahs bearing that name, one each from Oregon, Washington and California. The Cali version comes from Santa Maria's Bien Nacido Vineyard, so I don't need to look any further. By the way, the winery says they took the name from Rabelais’ 16th century book called "Gargantua et Pantagruel," not from the movie. Maybe the film was similarly influenced.

"Oh no, there goes Tokyo, go go Godzilla!" Godzilla was released in 1954, but it was 1956 before we got a taste of the Americanized version. After that, it seemed there was always another movie featuring the scaly dinosaur versus one opponent or another. The US release added shots of Raymond Burr sweating while watching the big G on his rampage. 

To say that this was a watershed movie is like saying WWII was kind of an important historical moment. I grew up with Godzilla, maybe you did, too. He is the definitive movie monster, the ultimate kaiju killer. 

"He picks up a bus and he throws it back down

As he wades through the buildings toward the center of town.

Oh no, they say he's got to go,

Go go Godzilla!"

The wine pairing for Godzilla should lean east, far east. Godzilla sake is rice wine for those who like a monster on the label. It is Junmai Daiginjo style, with its rice polished until half the grain is gone. The purveyor promises "strong aromas like Godzilla."

1955's Gigantis the Fire Monster is the title of the Americanized version of Godzilla Raids Again. This sequel to Godzilla was not received well, largely because they tried to pass off a dead monster as a new monster. Such a public relations backfire would not be seen again until New Coke.

A new foe is introduced, Anguirus, and dispensed with in true Godzilla fashion, with a giant atomic belch of fire. The military is sure they got him this time, but many more sequels will show that to be an erroneous assumption by the top brass. 

What I love about Gigantis is the head of the fishing company who worries that if the monster goes on a rampage in his fishing waters it will affect his business. Bad for business? To somewhat paraphrase Butch Cassidy, "Are you crazy? The fight will probably kill ya."

GiGantis Ventoux is a Rhône blend of Grenache and Syrah which sells for somewhere around $40. It is not named after the faux Godzilla, but after Mount Ventoux, said to be the Giant of Provence. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Wacky Westerns

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, we pair wines with a trio of slightly bent westerns. No deadeye, just wine. 

It's not about wine, but that won't stop us from pairing a wine with 1965's The Hallelujah Trail just a few short paragraphs from now. It's a comedy and a western, all dressed up like a documentary. As one scribe put it back in the day, "all dressed up and nowhere to go." That's how it is with a joke that takes almost three hours to play out.

The story concerns a wagon load of whiskey which is bound for Denver so the winter won't be so dry. There are a number of individuals who hope to stand in the way of that delivery, and that's where the comedy comes in. To me, Burt Lancaster and Lee Remick don't seem to lean in the direction of laughs. Jim Hutton and Pamela Tiffin strike me as better equipped to handle some whiskey wagon humor. 

As for the rest of the cast, my god, it's like a meeting of Character Actors Anonymous. Donald Pleasence, Brian Keith, Martin Landau, Helen Kleeb, Dub Taylor, Whit Bissell. There couldn't have been any other movies being made while this one was shooting. Everyone was here. 

Canadian winery Hidden Chapel makes a Viognier called Hallelujah, which is grown and made in British Columbia, in the south Okanagan Valley. It runs just under $30 a bottle. 

Support Your Local Gunfighter was 1971's answer to Support Your Local Sheriff!, which hit the screens a couple of years earlier. It stars James Garner, who lifted the comic western to an art form and carried it into more modern themes, like a detective who lives in a trailer on the Malibu beach and drives a hot car. 

Suzanne Pleshette is in the movie as Garner's love interest, while a whole host of character actors populate the cast list. Let's see, there's Harry Morgan, Jack Elam, Joan Blondell, Ellen Corby, (stop me if I'm going too fast), Dub Taylor (again) and even an uncredited Chuck Connors appearance. 

Garner plays a devil-may-care old-West gambler. Go figure how that ever popped into anyone's head. Does the name Maverick ring any bells? In this scenario, he’s on a train with a woman to whom he's supposed to be getting hitched. Cooling on the idea, he bails out of the relationship in Whatever This Town is Where I Am Right Now.

He decides to stick around, and for some reason he takes on the identity of a well-known gunslinger. Of course, said gunman comes to town and it's western farce comedy time. The film gets a bit of a bad rap as being a throwaway, cookie-cutter comedy. It does seem, however, that the more time passes the better the movie looks. 

You probably can't find any of the wine called Chateau Jimbeaux that came from James Garner's Santa Ynez Valley vineyard. He sold the estate about a quarter of a century ago. You could cast an eye towards Australia's Barossa Valley, home to Rockford Wines. No beach, no hot car, and you have to email them to order.

After more than 30 years away from the big screen, The Lone Ranger rode back into celluloid in 2013. Armie Hammer plays the masked man and Johnny Depp is Tonto, who narrates the story as an old man. Speaking of the mask, how is that supposed to hide anyone's identity? I've seen ballroom masks on sticks that served that purpose better. I've always thought he should have had a luchador mask. Nobody will recognize you in one of those. And, considering some of the allegations that have been made against Hammer by women, perhaps a mask is not a bad idea for him. 

Anyway, Tonto's tale involves the expected silver bullet as well as a mountain full of silver ore, which Tonto trades away for a pocket watch. Another bad deal for the Native Americans. Tonto had better watch his back. He gives a silver bullet to the boy who has been listening to his story. I'm sure there must be some law against giving a kid ammunition, silver or not.

California winemaker Randall Grahm was once known as The Rhône Ranger, back when Cali wine made from Rhône grapes was considered a pretty mavericky thing to do. I tend to like the Bonny Doon Vineyards Picpoul, and Le Cigare Volant is a longtime favorite of mine. 

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Blood Of The Vines - On The Fritz

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week, a trio of films directed by Fritz Lang. We have a wine to pour with each of them.

In my younger days, oh so long ago, I would occasionally have people over to my humble apartment to enjoy a fine beverage and some music. There would inevitably come a time when I was ready for them to leave. When that time came, I would grab my VHS copy (oh so long ago) of Fritz Lang's Metropolis and say, "Have you seen this? It's great!" Rarely would my guests feel that way about Metropolis, and I would be left alone, as I wished. 

By the way, the fine beverage back then was usually a PBR or MGD. Now I know better. I have wine. And friends who like Metropolis.

Oh, the things to which a drink can lead. Lang's The Woman in the Window is a 1944 film noir in which a completely innocent man gets wrapped up in a tangled web of deception. He admires a painting of a woman that he sees in a store window. She admires him admiring it. They go back to her place for that drink. Enter the jealous boyfriend, spoiling for a fight. The admirer kills him in self defense, and we're off to the races. 

Lang threw in an extra twist at the end of the picture, a trope that's been used several times since, always to good advantage. At least, I like it.

With a nod to the twist at the end, let's pair Dreaming Tree Wine with The Woman in the Window. The Crush Red Blend comes from Dave Matthews' winery in Geyserville.

Human Desire is a 1954 film noir taken from an Émile Zola novel. Glenn Ford gets top billing, but the real stars are the trains. Railroad buffs love to argue about which line is depicted, which car is shown, which engine is doing the work. Railroad buffs are almost as insufferable as wine aficionados. 

It is a noir, so you know there is a femme fatale involved (the glorious Gloria Grahame) and a burly guy who nobody likes (Broderick Crawford). Murder and jealousy roll along like a streamliner while good guys try to stay good and bad guys just don't give a damn. Let's have a fine beverage.

In fact, let's have a fine beverage from the Texas Hill Country. Barons Creek Vineyards does a Cabernet Sauvignon (What did you expect? It’s Texas) called Crazy Train. That certainly describes the vibe on the trains frequented by the characters in Human Desire.

Ford, Grahame and Lang had teamed up the year before in The Big Heat, a 1953 film noir. I love the one-sheet: "Somebody’s going to pay … because he forgot to kill me." I can picture some noirish oaf hitting himself on the forehead, saying, "Agh! I knew I forgot to do something!" Don’t you just hate that? When you forget to kill a guy? I know I do.

So this film noir is not The Big Sleep, and it’s not The Big Clock, it's The Big Heat. Look, we've got Ford and Grahame, which is ordinarily enough to warrant a viewing. But we also have Lee Marvin as a monster mobster, the kind of guy who throws a pot of hot coffee into a woman's face. Nobody, and I mean nobody, plays the bad guy like Lee Marvin. 

Michael Franzese runs a winery now. It's challenging, but not as much as his former job, mob boss. If you think making wine is difficult, try quitting the Columbo crime family. The Franzese Areni is an Armenian Pinot Noir which sells for about 30 bucks. If you're interested in decor, his pomegranate wine comes in a really cool looking bottle.

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Blood Of The Vines - Tough Sits

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we'll need a drink to get through three of what our chief guru terms "tough sits," films that are just plain hard to watch. 

The 2002 French art film, Irréversible, is the perfect candidate for leading this trio. The film depicts a brutal attack on a woman and the brutal vengeance exacted on her assailant by the two men who love her. Are we okay so far? The couple of uses of the word brutal in that sentence should give you an idea of how hard it will be to keep seated through its 97 minute run.

One critic said Irréversible would be the most walked-out-of movie of the year. Another said that the violence and cruelty in the film would make Irréversible unwatchable for most people. That was Roger Ebert's assessment, and we remember that Mr. Ebert had no stomach for gratuitous violence, especially of a sexual nature. I mean, it's not like the Marquis de Sade said it was over the top. But still, Ebert was being rather handsomely paid to sit through it and found it difficult to do so. 

A Brutal Wine for a brutal movie. The Brutal Wine Company uses the term as slang for "good." It is an open-source effort for natural wines, meaning many different winemakers are slapping the logo on their labels. Pick out a red one, from France. There are plenty, all with plenty of exclamation points.

Africa Addio is known as Africa: Blood and Guts in the US and Farewell Africa in the UK. The 1966 documentary falls into the Italian mondo category, or shockumentary, if you will. And you will. Be shocked. Over and over again. 

The film documents the bloody end of colonial Africa. A series of vignettes show crazed celebrations of independence, violent uprisings, animal torture, cannibalism, massacres and even genocide. Hard to take? You bet it is. I can only imagine how difficult it was to shoot the footage, a project that spanned three years and brought the filmmakers close to imprisonment and death on more than one occasion. You can use a drink for this film, but you may want to skip the popcorn.

Let's try a sweet wine to help take the edge off of this movie. South Africa's Klein Constantia Vin de Constance is made from Muscat de Frontignan grapes and carries a very high sugar content. Depending on the vintage, look to spend anywhere from $60 to $140 for a 500ml bottle. 

One would think that 1965's Monster A Go-Go combines sci-fi and horror in a pair of go-go boots. One would be wrong. There is no go-go to be found here. It got up and went-went. 

Here is what we should all embrace about the movie industry: its flexibility. The original filmmaker ran out of money halfway through. Another guy needed a movie to fill out a double bill of trash. He bought it and started making an entirely different movie. The scenes that are stitched together in Monster A Go-Go constitute a "movie" in the strict definition of the word, but that seam is stretched to the ripping point.

The one-sheet claims that the film could set America's space program back 50 years. Why not? That's what it did for filmmaking. There is little point trying to make sense of the plot. However, you do get bonus points for figuring out which characters are which. The shooting schedules were separated by three years, and at least one of the actors looked very different after the passage of that time. It is hailed by some as one of the worst movies of all time, and there doesn't seem to be a way to argue that point. TV Guide went on record to give it perhaps the harshest one-word review ever: garbage. 

The Big Red Monster Wine is an apt choice for this movie. They have it in Cabernet or Zinfandel, produced in Paso Robles and sold for less than $20 just about everywhere. It's cheap and it's non-vintage but at least it's not garbage. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Still More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we pair wines with movies that may have fallen through the cracks. You can see them if you squint really hard and shine a flashlight down in there. 

Hey, didn't we just do this? I think it was only a couple of weeks ago that we had a trio of forgotten films. Actually, they weren't forgotten. We had never heard of them in the first place. How could we forget them? Well, here we are again, scrounging around in our digital streamers trying to find out what these flicks are all about anyway. At least we have wine. 

In 2016 Richard Gere appeared as Norman. The full title adds The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer, so you get the spoiler right there on the one-sheet. It's an Israeli film which also features Michael Sheen, Steve Buscemi, Charlotte Gainsbourg and Hank Azaria, to give you an idea of the kind of talent in this picture.

Norman is a low-level fixer, a quid pro quo man, a you-scratch-my-back-and-I'll-scratch-someone-else's-back-for-you kind of guy. He connects with a man who becomes prime minister of Israel, and finds new doors opening everywhere for his favors. That sort of life eventually wears a person down. Ask Michael Cohen. No matter how much you do for someone, it's never enough. Until it's too much. 

If you have ever wanted to see a rabbi throw a guy into a pile of trash, this is your movie. If you have ever left home without your Epi pen, this film gives you something else to think about. 

Kentucky's Chenault Vineyards makes a Concord grape wine called Sam's Fix It Juice. More serious drinkers can try Richard Gere's Brunello, made by Tenuta San Filippo di Montalcino. 

1999's Spring Forward features Ned Beatty and Liev Schreiber as two guys working in city maintenance. One of them is fresh out of prison. The other one has the end of his life breathing down his neck. They couldn't be more different, but they find a way to be important in each other's lives. It sounds like A Very Special Chico and the Man, but the movie was well-received, even by critics, and deserves to be found, not forgotten.

Sunset Cellars makes a Dry Creek Valley Zinfandel which they call Daylight Saving Wine. The grapes are harvested at "fall-back" time, but you can drink it all year long. 

The Hatchet Man is from 1932, which means it is pre-code. It is also pre-woke, as the cast full of Chinese characters are all played by Caucasians instead of Asians. How Caucasian? Edward G. Robinson and Loretta Young, that’s how Caucasian. There is a lot of eye makeup in this film. At the time, Hollywood thought that audiences wouldn't accept big stars made up to look Asian if they were on screen right next to real Asians. So they kept the big stars and got rid of all the real Asians. 

It was a time before the Hays Code restricted what Hollywood could show on the silver screen. This one has illicit sex, drugs and a guy who serves Buddha by throwing a hatchet. Get comfortable with a big bowl of popcorn. You're in for a treat.

The film was directed by William Wellman, whose 1927 film Wings won the very first Best Picture Oscar. Wellman's directorial career spanned four decades, and he won an Oscar in 1973, Best Original Story for A Star Is Born. Oh, yeah. He co-wrote the original version in 1937. 

A wine pairing for a movie set in San Francisco's Chinatown might have once included a wine made from tiger bones, or worse parts of the tiger. However, China is now a major wine nation, although they are more infatuated with Bordeaux than their own rice or plum wines. Ao Yun is one of the premier producers in China. Their Bordeaux blend is made from grapes grown in Shangri-La, in the foothills of the Himalayas. and has a price tag north of $300 for the 2013 vintage. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Happy 98th, Roger Corman

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we celebrate Roger Corman's birthday with wines for three of his films.

April 5th has special significance beyond the fact that it sits roughly halfway between my birthday and tax day, two auspicious occasions in their own right. It also happens to be the birthday of noted producer and director Roger Corman. It further happens to be birthday number 98 for the king of cult movies. We have three of his films this time, and wine pairings for each that we hope will be appreciated. Happy birthday, Roger! 

Attack of the Crab Monsters is a 1957 sci-fi, in case the title didn’t tip it off. It was produced and directed by Corman, with a cast of B-movie legends and TV character actors. Russell "The Professor" Johnson is in it, before his Gilligan Island days. Had he been professionally known as Russell "The Professor" Johnson, he might have enjoyed a career in wrestling and/or politics. 

A team of scientists experience what the one-sheet calls "a tidal wave of terror" as they investigate the effect of nuclear testing at the Bikini Atoll. We’ll give you three guesses as to what type of sea creature was most affected by the radiation, and the first two don't count. 

For crab, radiated or not, we want a white wine with plenty of acidity to provide counterpoint to the sweetness of the meat. Caves Messias has a Vinho Verde wine, from Portugal, which is called Santola. That's Portuguese for spider crab, by the way. You get an artistic rendering on the label of what the crab monster might have looked like before it was nuked. They also have it in rosé, each for around $10. 

In 1962, Corman got on board the civil rights train with The Intruder. It's about a racist who tries to undermine school desegregation in a small town in the Southern U.S. The movie has traveled under several other titles, like The Stranger, Shame, and my favorite, I Hate Your Guts. I want the cast and crew jacket from that one. 

The film was produced and directed by Corman with William Shatner topping the cast. He drifts into town like a racist Henry Hill, whipping the populace into a frenzy about those kids of other colors. His character has everything but the MAGA hat. If he is still alive 50 years down the road, he has that, too. 

Here's a great way to get back at the racists: drink wine made by African-Americans. Anderson Valley's Theopolis Vineyards is owned by Theodora Lee, known by many as Theo-patra, Queen of the Vineyard. The former attorney makes a $40 Petite Sirah that people rave about. If you must have a white wine with this movie, try her dry Symphony for $25.

Corman directed The Tomb of Ligeia in 1964. Vincent Price starred in this adaptation of a story by Edgar Allan Poe, a favorite source for Corman. It was written by future Oscar-winner Robert Towne. We have mentioned before that one of Corman's great talents is his ability to surround himself with other greatly talented people.

The script has a dead wife inhabiting the body of a cat that lures the husband away from his new wife. I'm intrigued. Did I mention the dead wife is buried in the house? Talk about baggage. The new wife really shouldn't complain about the other woman's spirit padding around on four legs. It sounds to me like she got what was advertised. 

A little wine might take the edge off the situation, although it might require a lot of wine, depending on your tolerance for having the soul of your husband's dead wife hanging around. It might require a Valium. But let's say wine does it, and why not make it a wine from a Poe story? In "The Cask of Amontillado," the killer vanquishes his victim by entombing him in a wine cellar. Are there worse ways to go? Maybe. Let me think on it. While I'm thinking, I'll have Lustau's Los Arcos Amontillado sherry. It is bone dry and even more complex than Poe's villain. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Still More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we dig around in the depths of our streaming platforms to find some forgotten films. We likely won't have to dig too deep to find wine pairings for the movies.

Here is another round of movies you probably don't know about, selected by the TFH gurus specifically for their insider cachet. Wine people also have a deep love for stuff which they feel only they know about. It's why you see so many nerds standing around the intersection of film and wine. 

Giants and Toys is a 1958 Japanese satire on corporate greed. The battle between competing candy conglomerates centers on a young lady who is chosen to be the face of one of these companies. Think "Gerber baby, older with a less winning smile."

She also gets to don a space suit and play around with a ray gun. I suppose she is armed in case of a surprise Godzilla attack, although Megalon and Mothra could be lurking in the shadows, too. Turns out the gig is not for her because, ya know, what she really wants to do is direct. 

While searching for a wine pairing for Giants and Toys I came across a giant wine glass offered on eBay, which is really a wine bottle with a glass affixed to its neck. Any number of cheap wines are likely available at Giant Foods, although you're probably better off with their beer selection. But, let's get serious. 

Here is a Japanese wine, made from a Japanese grape. Well, Koshu is actually a cross of Vitis vinifera and several East Asian varieties, but it is grown in Japan. Ajimu Budoushu Koubou Koshu is a white wine offering lemon, lime and almond notes. It should pair well with certain candies, too.

In 2018's Standoff at Sparrow Creek, members of a small vigilante group are holed up overnight in a warehouse while they try to figure out which one of them shot up a police funeral. The group is described as a militia, but for Second Amendment fans, let's be real. You and five of your well-armed friends do not constitute a militia. 

Standoff is a well respected film, a taut and suspenseful thriller, according to some critics. There is a big twist at the end and a lot of shooting leading up to it. Maybe the guy who was in charge of buying the body armor got mixed up and contacted Under Armor by mistake. There should be a refund due to those who remain alive. 

I could not find a winery named Sparrow Creek, but I found some wines bearing that moniker. It's an old trick in California bulk wine to devise a name for the label through a formula. You choose an animal, then a geographical feature, and put them together. Sparrow Creek Merlot is a natural from this type of branding. How many wines have you seen on supermarket shelves bearing names like Rabbit River, Moose Mountain or Hare Hollow? That formula is the reason why. 

When you want to show off your knowledge of unknown movies, citing a couple of foreign films is always a good idea. The Last Judgment was made in Italy in 1961. It starts with a voice coming from the heavens, announcing that the day of judgment has arrived and will happen at 6:00 that evening. That leaves a matter of hours in which you can repent, or not, or get in a few last good times before it's all over. The film examines how several locals handle the news that it's the end of the world as we know it. 

The movie has an all-star cast of international proportions. Jack Palance and Ernest Borgnine represent the U.S. and give us a great reason to watch. From Greece, France and Italy come Melina Mercouri, Fernandel, Anouk Aimée and Lino Ventura.

Just for fun, let's pair The Last Judgment with bottles from the wineries that rocked the world in the Judgment of Paris, the 1976 wine competition. The highest scoring red and white wines at the event were from Stag's Leap and Chateau Montelena, which beat out an array of highly-touted French wines from Bordeaux and Burgundy. 

The 2021 Stag's Leap Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon tastes just as good as it did 50 vintages ago and sells for $70. Chateau Montelena's 2021 Napa Valley Chardonnay costs $75 these days. It's the modern vintage of the wine which was featured in the movie, Bottle Shock.

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Blood Of The Vines - Magic And Madness

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we call on the magical properties of the grapevine for wine pairings to go with a trio of films that dabble madly in the mystical.

Wine is its own kind of magic. Through a process known only to shamans we call "winemakers," actual fruit is transformed into something that is much more than a simple beverage. It is similar to cinema, an art form which also produces magic from recording devices, scripts and people who like to pretend for a while that they are someone else. Here's to movie magic and the wines that go with them.

The Shout is from 1978, a year that really needed a horror movie. Let's see, the Jonestown massacre, the Pacific Southwest Airlines crash in San Diego, a terrible Iranian earthquake… nothin' to see here. Let's put some horror on celluloid. 

The bad guy in The Shout learned a trick from an old Aborigine, and it was something more substantial than how to make his boomerang come back. It was a shout that, delivered properly, would kill. I have fantasized about having a shout that would make drivers hit the gas when the light turned green. I have yet to make that work, but I'm still trying.

Location shots were done along the incredible Devon coastline, which added a bit of the spectacular to a film that didn't need much help in that department. 

For a movie set in beautiful Devon, UK, let's grab a sparkling wine from Heron Farms, a bubbly made from the Seyval Blanc grape. Great, another horror. Just kidding, Devonians. Seyval Blanc is a perfectly good wine grape, although it is a French hybrid. If you can't nab a $40 bottle from Devon, you can probably find one from an East Coast winery in the US. 

1973's The Wicker Man tells the tale of a detective who goes to a remote island in the Scottish Hebrides in search of a missing child. Scotland, huh? I'm already feeling that this wine pairing will be another tough one. However, if anyone should know about the taste of the blood of the vines, it should be Christopher Lee. He was tailor made to play The Wicker Man’s cult leader. 

On the island, the cop finds a culture that has given up on Christianity and opted for Paganism, complete with sacrifices made by way of fire. The unlucky offerings are placed in a giant titular wicker man, then set ablaze. That's how the Druids dispensed with their prisoners of war, back before there was a Geneva Convention. This movie is horror times ten. 

Since The Wicker Man was set in Scotland, it makes perfect sense to pair a Scottish wine with it. There must be some wineries in Scotland, somewhere amid the distilleries and golf courses. But after wearing out my Google finger, I have it on good authority that there are only a handful. Dr. Liz Thatch, a Master of Wine, scoured the countryside there when she went to play a few rounds and drink a few fingers. 

If your wine allowance is gone on that sparkler from Devon, or just want something a bit easier, try a Cabernet Sauvignon from Napa's Wicker Vineyards. Or, grab an old school Chianti that comes in a wicker basket.

If you like your horror with a dash of dark humor, take in a viewing of Cemetery Man, a 1994 Italian film. Don't try to make heads or tails of it, just watch as our hero fails to get an investigation of zombie appearances because the paperwork is too dense. He is advised to simply shoot the zombies, so that's what he does. Over and over. You know, once you start shooting zombies it becomes second nature. And all my life I have believed that you couldn't stop a zombie by shooting it. Well, you learn something new in every Italian horror comedy. 

Woodbury Winery of Fredonia, NY makes something called Zombie Red, which is a sweet, cherry flavored wine. First off, I won't insult your wine intelligence by recommending it. Second, it is sold out. There must be a shortage of White Zinfandel in Fredonia.

While searching for an Italian Zombie Zin, it occurred to me that Primitivo is the Italian name for Zinfandel. The Apollonio Primitivo di Manduria is as dark as Cemetery Man's humor. And it's a damn good wine, maybe good enough to justify shooting corpses that rise from the grave. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Death Wishes

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we raise our glasses to three films which point out that, though comedy may be difficult, death is a bitch.

2002's Death to Smoochy was directed by Danny DeVito, who also appeared in the film, along with Robin Williams, Edward Norton, Jon Stewart and a host of immediately recognizable character actors. Despite the wealth of talent, Smoochy died a thousand deaths. To say that nobody liked it would be inaccurate, but not too far off the mark. 

Williams plays the host of a TV kiddie show who suffers a debilitating scandal and loses everything he holds dear. How could a comedy with that premise not find an audience? Well, you could ask Bobcat Goldthwait. He did Shakes the Clown a decade before Smoochy, to a similar absence of ticket purchasers. Obviously the general public doesn't see the humor in these movies like I do. 

The disgraced kiddie host funnels his anger towards his replacement, a guy who plays the character of Smoochy the Rhino. Even though Smoochy is the target of numerous failed attempts to get him off the show, it's his cousin Moochy who ends up at the morgue. I'm not worried about this spoiler paragraph. It's not like knowing who dies is going to spoil it for you.

Monterey County's American Vintners has a line called Smooch. I know we're one letter short, but I couldn't resist. The Valentine box features a Cab, a Pinot, a red blend and a rosé for just $69. Value smooching at its finest. 

Death Wish came about in 1974, a time when the crime rate in big American cities was on the rise. The nation wanted a hero, one who was handy with a gun and could get over his non-violent stance with a little push. Enter Charles Bronson. 

I know he had good reason to adopt his vigilante stance, but this guy couldn't go to the grocery store without killing a couple of muggers on the way. I am reminded of the comment by a comic who spent part of his routine talking about the movies Taken, Taken 2 and Taken 3. The comment was, "Now you’re just being careless."

There were numerous sequels to Death Wish, as well as a whole subgenre of vigilante films that emulated it. 

Bounty Hunter makes a wine called The Vigilante and sells it for around $150 a bottle. It looks to be a Napa Cabernet Sauvignon made from grapes grown in Beckstoffer Vineyard, which earns them that top shelf price.

In 1975's Death Race 2000, a slightly futuristic America is consumed with a road race that is pure blood sport. The Roger Corman production shows a nation where, as the one sheet says, "hit and run driving is no longer a felony. It's a national sport." Think of it as America's Got Bad Drivers or America's Bloodiest Videos or Survivor, For Realz. 

The drivers are famous, they all have distinct personas and are followed by their fans the way a sports icon might be. In my teen years, when the ink on my driver's license was still wet, my cousins and I jokingly referred to a "points system" in driving. We would sarcastically mention how many points we would get for running down different types of pedestrians. Death Race 2000 removes the joking aspect from the scoring. 

Sonoma County's Adobe Road Winery has a line of racing themed wines, although they are intended to represent more serious racing than that of DR2000. The Racing Series features SHIFT, Apex, Carbon and Redline. They run from $50 and up and get a bit pricey if you buy the four- and six-bottle boxed sets.

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