Blood Of The Vines - More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, we give you what Santa probably can't. More movies about which you were completely oblivious. Santa can take care of the wine pairings, but I'll steer his sleigh in the right direction. 

Gee, thanks TFH gurus. Dead Mail is one of the movies they figure you probably don't know anything about. They must be reading my mail, because it completely passed me by, too. Excuse me while I go watch it real quick. 

Okay, I'm back. It's not so bad that people shouldn't have heard about it. If you like your horror with some black comedy and a twist of civil service thrown in, zip over to Prime and get acquainted. If you're off of Prime due to some sort of protest, try AMC Plus. If you really need the protest in your life, try avoiding Netflix. No, I mean that. Just try.

I don’t know if Australia’s postal system generates as much humor as the one in the U.S., but Henry's Drive Wines makes a Shiraz called Dead Letter Office, so I guess the answer is "yes." It tastes a lot like Syrah, because that's what they call it down under. It's a $26 wine. Try shipping it for $26 by USPS. 

The Admiral: Roaring Currents is a 2014 South Korean film, one of the many which did not receive an Academy Award for Best Picture.  The South Korean director who did win mentioned that he would proceed to drink until dawn.  That is something, I am told, directors are sometimes given to do, whether or not they win an Oscar.

Admiral Yi Sun-sin has just 13 battleships against a 300-ship Japanese fleet in the Battle of Myeongryang.  So this is a movie you've never heard of, as well as a movie the details of which you cannot pronounce.  Perhaps it pairs with a Scotch whisky, most of which no one can pronounce, either, like Bunnahabhain.  Or an ornery beer, like Westvleteren 12.  Let's get sweet with a German Riesling classified as Trockenbeerenauslese. In fact, let's get crazy and uncork Dr. Hermann's Erdener Treppchen Riesling Trockenbeerenauslese Goldkapsel. It's crazy because you're going to have to pick up the $800 tab for this bottle. Trockenbeerenauslese, by the way, is the way Germans call for the sweetest of the sweet Rieslings. They are even thirstier by the time they get the word out of their mouths.

From 2022 comes The Son. This drama stars Hugh Jackman, Laura Dern, and Anthony Hopkins, so you know it's worth a look. Well, don't spring for an extra streaming platform just yet. The critics were less than enthusiastic about the film. That's gentle phrasing for "they hated it." To say they wouldn't have urinated on it had it been on fire is understating the case. The reels could have been aflame right next to the popcorn machine and the critics would have proceeded to the restroom ten feet away. 

The story about a depressed teenager and the heartache he causes for his split family probably rings too true for many folks. Maybe that's why it's one of those films you've never heard of, and maybe it would be best left that way. But we're here to pour a glass for movies good and bad.

Son of a Son is a California winery run by a fourth generation farmer. Christopher Ferrara's Red Blend uses Italian varieties (Sangiovese, Aglianico, and Barbera) grown in Paso Robles and sold for about $25. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Wilder Than Ever

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, wild times with Billy Wilder. We’ll have a wine pairing for each of these three films, too.

Wilder co-wrote and directed Fedora in 1978, a production by the West Germans and the French. It's nice when we can all get along and make movies. The title character is a famous and beautiful movie star who has retired to her own private Idaho, actually a Greek island. Word gets out that she has killed herself. Rumor has it that she did herself in, naturally for an actress, in the most dramatic way possible. She threw herself in front of a train.

The lug who loved her years before can't believe it, and he does a little digging. Apparently, it's not illegal to dig on Corfu. And here comes the ol' switcheroo. The big ball of confusion that unwinds and gets everyone all tangled up in it. It wasn't Fedora who killed herself, it was… it was…. Aah, why spoil it for you. Watch for yourself and see what becomes of the broken-hearted. 

Valter Kobal is the fifth generation of winemakers in his family. They have persevered through the decades, through WWII, through communism, and now make their own wines in Slovenia, as Fedora Wines. Their output includes Chardonnay, a red blend of Merlot, Cabernet, and Refosco, and wines made from varieties indigenous to Slovenia, like Zelen and Pinela, most of which sell for around $36. 

Avanti!, from 1972, stars Juliet Mills and Jack Lemmon. The script for the romcom was written by Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond, so there is that pedigree to consider. If you don't think it's funny enough, welcome to the club. Wilder reportedly didn't care for the finished product and claimed he didn't write it as a comedy in the first place. So, there.

Wine plays a tangential role in the movie. A deadly auto accident that serves as the film's linchpin happens at an Italian vineyard, and the owners prove to be unhappy that their vines were damaged by the crash. Colorado's Avanti Winery comes to mind, but wouldn't you rather have a nice Ligurian Vermentino?  I thought so. 

Witness for the Prosecution was directed in 1957 by Wilder, and he also had a hand in writing it. The script was based on the Agatha Christie play, which is what biz insiders call "stealing from the rich." Christie even said it was her favorite film adaptation of any of her works.

It was a good enough movie to garner six Oscar nominations and a handful of Golden Globe noms. Stars like Tyrone Power, Charles Laughton, Marlene Dietrich, and Elsa Lanchester turned in magnificent performances, but alas, Sayonara and The Bridge on the River Kwai dominated their categories. Lanchester did win the Globe for her role as Miss Plimsoll. 

When the critics like a movie, it can be a tough sell to the public. Not in this case. Tickets flew out of box offices like it was a tickertape parade. The movie's ad campaign read this way: "You'll talk about it, but please don't tell the ending." Okay, I won't. But you'll be shocked when Laughton's character is revealed in court to be a cross-dresser. Oops. I did it again. 

Aptos Vineyard, in the Santa Cruz Mountains, has a courtroom-related wine called Alternate Juror. I can relate to this because I was once an alternate juror myself. There is little in this world as unsatisfying as being an alternate anything. This Pinot Noir sells for $54, which is the least I would pay to avoid being the 13th angry man. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Occult Killers

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, the devil is in the details of three horror movies and wine tastings. 

1990's The First Power is a modern noir film in which a Los Angeles cop searches for, and finds, the Pentagram Killer. An anonymous tipster helps him reel in the bad guy, but it turns out the executed man was a Satan worshipper. Now they have to contend with a spirit who can inhabit other living people. Just when you thought the problem was solved, up springs one that's even worse. 

No prisoner has been put to death in California for nearly 20 years, so there’s no telling how many future Satan spirits are currently residing on Death Row. I'm guessing a lot, probably. 

The critics had few kind words for the film's sloppy logic, but the people who keep the movie business humming had plenty of dollars to plunk down for admittance to the show. They say the late rapper Eazy-E liked the film, so there's that. Gotta have some entertainment when you get tired of feuding with Dr. Dre. 

Black Sea Gold is a Bulgarian winery where red and white wines are sold under the name Pentagram. If you can navigate their website, then you know more about the Bulgarian language than I do. I think the wines are fairly inexpensive, but the shipping has to be a killer. 

In 1987's Prince of Darkness, a container of liquid is found to be, basically, Satan in a bottle. The Bad Genie. Instead of three wishes, you get three ways to be taken to the dark side. 

The film was written and directed by John Carpenter, and had Donald Pleasance in the lead role as a priest. The liquid devil has been floating in that container for seven million years, kept secret by the Church. When the decision is made to keep it away from the Vatican, it's brought to Los Angeles. Thanks a lot. 

The scribes hated the movie. One writer said it deserved, like Satan, to be shut up in a canister for seven million years. Instead, it now lives on Prime Video. 

Australia's Coward and Black Vineyards makes a Cabernet Sauvignon called The Black Prince. Unlike Satan, it is said to offer a nose of blackberry pie with soft, supple tannins, for $35.

If you speak Italian, you may know 1975's Deep Red as Profondo Rosso. The only Italian I speak is "più vino, per favore," and I can say that only because I just googled "more wine please" in Italian. 

Deep Red (Imma stay in my English language lane) stars David Hemmings as a musician who investigates a string of murders. Don't ask me why a musician is doing a cop's job. I just hope the cop isn't playing a sax on a street corner somewhere.

It's one of those things that strike me about Italian film. Weird happenings don't draw anyone's attention. Arguments about unrelated events seem to pop up out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly. Anytime a car is moving, it's like a chase scene. And even if it's called a giallo film, it's still just a slasher flick to me.

It may be just a slasher flick to me, but it was a regular War and Peace to someone. The original script reportedly ran more than 500 pages. I'll pause here for the audible gasp from every studio reader in Los Angeles. Never fear. Writer/director Dario Argento cut it down to a mere 321 pages. Despite the heft of that screenplay, the movie clocks in at just over two hours running time. That must have made a mess on the cutting room floor.

Cascina Cà Gialla Barolo is a full Nebbiolo, deep red wine from Piedmont. If you're lucky, maybe you'll find a Black Friday deal with the $35 price "slashed" to $30. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Trekkin' To The Stars

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, we have three wine pairings for movies which allow us to seek out new grapes and great acidity; to boldly drink where no one has drunk before.

No doubt you remember William Shatner as Star Trek's Captain Kirk. You may find his venture into wine interesting. Shatner had a wine tasting podcast about ten years ago. His Brown Bag Wine Tasting episodes were one-on-one videos in which he sat down with another celebrity to talk about that person's life and do some blind wine tasting. It lasted two seasons, not even long enough to put some age on a bottle of Riesling. "Dammit, Jim, I'm a rocket scientist, not a wine taster!"

1979's Star Trek: The Motion Picture is the first big screen version of the Star Trek story. All your faves from TV are here, on a mission to save the Earth from some sort of dangerous cloud. I'm glad they got the A-team on it. Everyone was holding their collective breath, waiting to see if the engine in the refurbished Enterprise would turn over. It did, and the director yelled, "Action!"

That's when the trouble started. Someone forgot to write any action scenes for the movie, so the cast doesn't have a whole lot to do. Hard-core Trekkies shelled out their Romulan dollars to see it, though. The movie's first weekend box office was a record setter.

There's a collection of Star Trek themed wines, featuring bottles like Klingon Bloodwine, the Wrath of Khan Cabernet, and the United Federation of Planets Andorian Blue. The website says the vineyards are located on "rolling hillsides near one of the oceans of planet Earth." Drink long and prosper. 

Battle Beyond the Stars is a 1980 space opera. Of course, the term space opera refers to stories told in outer space in the same way horse opera refers to westerns. There are no arias, coloraturas or librettos here, but every movie set has to have a prima donna on it somewhere. 

The movie reworks the story of The Magnificent Seven, which itself reworked The Seven Samurai. So this tale has come from ancient Japan, through the American West, and into outer space. Try doing that with Citizen Kane.

The film provided big breaks for James Cameron, John Sayles and Bill Paxton, although Paxton's contribution was working on the set as a carpenter. Early days, yes.

A futuristic movie deserves a futuristic wine. Future Perfect Wine is located in Los Olivos, and they make wines from some of Santa Barbara County's best vineyards. Their 2024 Dry Riesling hails from Kick-On Ranch Vineyard in the Santa Ynez Valley and sells for $45. Give it a few years and hope for that petrol emotion.

In 1972's Silent Running, Bruce Dern plays a sort of eco-astronaut in charge of several space-domes filled with earthly plant life. Trees and such have been killed off on their home planet, so a Noah's Ark of flora is sent to house what little is left. 

The domes are attached to cargo ships. Naturally, when corporations decide they need to make more money, more money is made. The orders are given to scrap the bio-domes and return to carrying cargo instead. Our econaut bristles at the idea, and tries to save the domes. He reprograms the little robots to help him. This makes me wonder how long it will take these little robots wheeling around the sidewalks of Los Angeles to be reprogrammed as carjackers or stickup robbers. You know it's coming. We can't have nice things. 

The efforts to save Earth's plants are noble, although largely ineffectual in the end. The shot of a robot tending to the domed forest with an old watering can is heart-wrenching. It makes me want to go out and water my own plants. Afterward, a glass of wine.

Michael David Winery's Zero Gravity Cabernet Sauvignon is made from Lodi grapes, using yeast strains developed on the International Space Station. It's amazing what grape juice can do in outer space. Expect to pay $26 for a bottle of this out-of-this-world Cab. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Neo Noir

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, we have three wine pairings for three somewhat recent entries into the film noir oeuvre. And all this time, I thought oeuvre was French for eggs. I guess they've been having a good laugh at my expense down at the Noir Diner. 

Is The Last Stop in Yuma County a neo-noir or is it a neo-Western? We're only accepting answers from neo-know-it-alls. The story centers on a traveling knife salesman, and that's trouble any way you slice it. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are traveling knife salesmen. I just wouldn't want to be stuck in an Arizona desert diner with them.

If you're looking for a movie with a happy ending, you’re in the wrong article. Yuma County is just what the title states: the last stop. It's one of those films where everybody ends up on the wrong end of something, with only a gentle poke required to put them there. A knife won't help you in a gun fight, and the gun falls way short in an explosion. 

There is good wine coming out of Arizona, although from the upper elevations in the north, rather than the low desert south. Arizona Stronghold has a Tannat wine, which should serve darkly enough for a neo-noir. 

Body Heat is the 1981 film that served as the launching pad for Kathleen Turner's career. Her performance as Matty Walker is the sizzle in Body Heat. I hear that Body Heat was inspired by Double Indemnity. Noir often calls for characters like Walter Neff or Ned Racine, guys who can't resist the siren call of a woman they know to be trouble.

It was a hot summer there in Florida, but one ambulance chaser felt the need to turn up the heat a few degrees. William Hurt played the shyster who stepped right into Turner's tangled web and took the fall. Critics either panned it or praised it, but Body Heat became an icon of the eighties anyway.

Tessier Winery has a $28 Femme Fatale rosé.  Since Turner's character was so good at stepping on people to get what she wanted, the Grenache and Pinot Noir grapes for the wine were foot-trampled as well.

2011's Drive stars Ryan Gosling as a Hollywood Jack-of-all-trades, one of those trades being a getaway driver for bad guys. When Gosling was a teenage Mouseketeer, more people probably pegged him as the future star of La La Land and Barbie, rather than as a moody criminal cohort. So much for typecasting. He plays dark really well. As an added bonus, Albert Brooks finally gets to play a guy who gets nobody's sympathy. 

The graphic violence in Drive put off a lot of people, some critics included. So much for the milquetoast set. There were enough people okay with bloodlust to allow the film to gross more than $80,000,000. Put that in your tailpipe and smoke it. 

Drive Wines started as a hobby, in a garage in Sonoma County. The car was in the garage just for picking up more grapes, not for driving getaways. Their $38 Dry Creek Valley Zinfandel hails from the historic Olson Vineyard. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Sketch Komedy

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ Just for laughs, let's get giggly with this week’s movies. Even the wine pairings for each film will seem laughable. 

When I was in college, the student center had a room where a different video was piped in and played continuously each week. I would plop down between classes, when we weren't drinking something horrible at the school newspaper office, and catch fifteen minutes or so of whatever they were showing. By the end of the week I had probably seen the whole feature, in bits and pieces out of sequence. I saw The Groove Tube that way.

The 1974 comedy satirizes television and its place in pop culture, with Chevy Chase and Richard Belzer starring in some of the skits. Much of the comedy takes aim at TV commercials and their memorable taglines. The Groove Tube is billed as hilarious, which is always subjective, but I remember laughing quite a bit during my sophomore year. Sometimes it was because of this film. 

Washington's The Walls Vineyards has a red blend called Stanley Groovy. It's made largely from Portuguese grape varieties and sells for $35. Not funny, really, but I always think Touriga Nacional sounds more like a golf event than a wine grape. 

The Kentucky Fried Movie is the 1977 sketch composite which launched the career of TFH guru John Landis, along with David and Jerry Zucker and Jim Abrahams. The poster for the film shows the Statue of Liberty wearing a sneaker with rocket engines on it. The shoe has a human tongue and legs. This image sets the tone for the series of sketches which are only loosely connected by TV ads for nonsensical products, fake newscasts, and lurid off-color gags. It's very adult, but not really for adults.

Aside from the laugh-a-line slapstick, there are a number of recognizable actors in the cast. The presence of Bill Bixby, Tony Dow, and Henry Gibson give The Kentucky Fried Movie instant boomer appeal, at least until all the boomers die off.

First Vineyard Winery, in Nicholasville, Kentucky, is credited as the first commercial winery in the U.S. Had winemaking not migrated west with the rest of the country, you might find First Vineyard's Chambourcin on the shelf at Ralphs for $32. Oh, sure, like you'd be buying a $32 wine at Ralphs. 

The 1974 film, Pardon My Blooper, presents broadcast "misteaks" compiled by Kermit Schafer in his record albums of years previous. A blooper is a flub or misspeak by an announcer or actor. The term was probably popularized by Schafer all by himself. I had the Pardon My Blooper record in my teens, and was often amused by the entertaining cover art depicting a TV camera holding its lens, as if it had been punched in the face, and a radio microphone plugging its ears. I was easily amused in my teens. I don't think that even then, the film version of Blooper would have held my interest for ten minutes. It is amusing, though, to watch the staged segments in this movie. The bad lighting is the same in all of them, and I think it's even the same actress in about half of them.

Yes, Virginia, the bloopers are phony. Although Blooper is billed in the credits as a documentary, many of the gaffes were recreated in the studio. Oh, the humanity.  

You'll need booze to get through this one. As it happens, one of the more famous bloopers from early YouTube days concerned Georgia's Château Élan winery. You can see it by doing an Internet search for "Grape Lady Epic Fail." The TV reporter was trying to foot-stomp some grapes and took a tumble while doing so. Château Elan has an eclectic vineyard full of interesting grapes. If you're feeling really adventurous, their Muscadine wines are only a little more than ten bucks a bottle.

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Blood Of The Vines - Halloween Haunts

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌ See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  The jack-o-lantern on the porch has not yet been completely consumed by the squirrels, so we're in the mood for a few scary movies.  There will be wine pairing opportunities, of course.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for Wes Craven. His 1996 scarefest, Scream, was the start of a mega-franchise. Scream was followed by Scream 2, Scream 3, Scream 4, Scream, Scream VI, Scream 7, and a TV series. That second Scream, by the way, is the one from 2022. They apparently had something against the number 5. Then they developed a thing for Roman numerals, but it only lasted for one picture.

Written as a satire of slasher movies, Scream revived the genre after it had been back-burnered for a few years.

Starring David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, Rose McGowan, and Drew Barrymore, Scream was like The Breakfast Club gets killed. It's a good watch on Friday the 13th, even better on Halloween, and perfect if you happen to live on Elm Street.

The Farm Winery in Paso Robles' Adelaida District makes Primal Scream, a Rhône blend of Syrah and Grenache, heavy on the Syrah. We all scream for Syrah. It sells for around $45. 

Macabre, from 1958, is a William Castle fright flick. Movie-goers were given a Lloyd's of London life insurance policy, in case they died of fright while watching the movie. I don't think Lloyd's was left on the hook for any payouts. 

The tortured script features a rich man, his two daughters, and a convoluted series of gimmicks designed to steer the rich guy's fortune to a ne'er-do-well. The whole mess wraps up with a hopelessly flat climax. They say the picture was made for less than a hundred grand and brought in five million dollars. I'll need a serious conversation with the accountants before I'll believe that.

There is a $6,000 Chardonnay called Macabre from Burgundy's Auxey Duresses village. I hope they're not depending on my check to keep the Halloween decorations lit. Let's go slumming with Melodramatic Macabre, available at your local big box store for a lucky $13. It comes from a region called California. How exotic. Hey, it won double gold at the Orange County Fair.

1964's Onibaba is not really a good Halloween film, in my estimation. It might be better for the Japanese New Year. Onibaba kinda makes me want to see Rashoman for the fortieth time. It also kinda makes me want a big bowl of soba noodles, but we can't have everything.

An old woman and her daughter kill soldiers in a Japanese civil war set in medieval times, which I guess is the sort of thing that happened back then. They strip off their armor to sell, and throw the dead bodies into a pit. It is pretty brutal, but hardly the stuff of a movie for Halloween. Where's the shack full of chainsaws? Where's the creepy phone call? Where's the guy in a mask? Oh, wait, there is a guy in a mask. You just don't want to see what's underneath it.

The term onibaba refers not only to a Buddhist morality tale, but to Japanese ghost stories in which women are depicted as monsters. Personally, I don't hold with that sort of talk, but then I've never been a ninja warrior. Trying hard here to not be culturally appropriative. 

One scribe of the day called the movie "a potpourri of ravenous eating and blatant sex." Modern critics have a more accepting view. While ravenous eating and blatant sex sound like a good movie to me, I'd like a bottle of wine included. 

Michelle Kazumi Sakazaki makes wine in Napa Valley. To honor her heritage, her Kazumi Wines is the first American brand to grow and produce wine from the ancient Japanese grape, Koshu. The Kazumi Napa Valley Koshu is in its third vintage, and it sells for $65.

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Blood Of The Vines - ANTZ

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, a little insectual healing. We will pair wines with movies about ants. You can take these wines on a picnic, but don't hold us responsible for what happens after you've unfurled the blanket.

Charlton Heston and Eleanor Parker star in the 1954 creature feature, The Naked Jungle.  As a teen, I bought a wallet that had a picture of Parker inside it. She wasn't naked, nor was there a jungle in the background. I kept that picture in my wallet, since it would be years before my nerdiness allowed me to have an actual girlfriend. I have no such connection with Heston.

Parker plays a mail-order bride, of sorts, a situation with which Heston seems to be as delighted as his gruff character will allow. When he finds out she is a widow, though, that's where he draws the line. Stating that all of his possessions are new, none used, he has a bit of a tantrum, the kind men have when they aren't allowed to have exactly what they want. They eventually make the marriage work, as I rip up the picture in my wallet.

Is it just me, or do the ants in Jungle pose a less than exciting threat? They're big, I guess, on an atomic scale. But they're not huge, by sci-fi standards. Depicting a 30-mile wide swath of the tiny creatures must have been a big challenge for director Byron Haskin back in the pre-CGI Eisenhower years.

Naked Wines for The Naked Jungle? Sure. It's a wine club disguised as a crowdfunder disguised as a flex account for wine. Be an Angel and sign up. 

Empire of the Ants is a 1977 sci-fi directed by Bert I. Gordon. Now we're talking. Big ants. Big sci-fi ants, from the guy known as the king of monster creatures. The script was loosely based on an H.G. Wells short story. I say "loosely" because the ants got big from chowing down on radioactive nuclear waste. 

Joan Collins and Robert Lansing were two of the people on a boat trip to show off a planned beachfront project to the developer's clients. Just as ants have ruined many a picnic, these mutant ants spoiled the show. 

The bugs communicated through pheromones, a chemical substance that not only allowed them to share their thoughts with each other, but also allowed them to take over the townsfolk, enslaving them. Pheromones proved to be even more effective than the whips used by our founding fathers to keep their plantations going. 

If only I could find a pheromone wine to pair with Empire. Wait a minute, it says here my wish has been granted. Japanese winemaker Osamu Uchida works in Bordeaux to produce his Phéromone red blend of Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon. It's organic, so there's no need to worry about radioactive nuclear waste. Watch out for those pheromones, though. It sells for about $60.

The trailer blazes the words: Terror - Horror - Excitement - Mystery - THEM! Never has an acronym so accurately described its subject. Them! was the first giant insect movie, and still stands as the best. TFH guru Joe Dante credits this movie with scaring the preteen crap out of him, and he's not alone.

When I first saw this classic sci-fi movie, I didn't know the meaning of needing a drink. Today, I do. It's a wonder this film didn't make me seek out my parents' wine stash years earlier than I eventually did. Water - Is - Never - Enough.

Giant mutant ants are scary, but in the coastal community where I was raised, giant mutant crabs might have been more expected. Giant mutant crabs would have been a welcome addition to the seafood buffet in my hometown. "Djya see thuh size uh them thangs? And only $10.95!"

Pairing a wine with insects is tricky. I'm guessing a white wine with a lot of acidity would work well, unless the insects are chocolate covered. Try a Port, in that case. Maybe for Them! we could borrow a page from Monty Python and choose a wine that's good for hand-to-hand combat.

Or we could go to Anthill Farms Winery of Healdsburg. Their Campbell Ranch Vineyard Pinot Noir is from the Sonoma Coast town of Annapolis. Oh, if it had only been ANT-apolis! The cool, coastal conditions there are great for growing Pinot Noir grapes, and for keeping away giant mutant ants. $53.

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Blood Of The Vines - Remembering Diane Keaton

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we remember the work of Diane Keaton, with a wine pairing for each film.

Looking for Mr. Goodbar is the 1977 film that was based on the real-life murder of a woman. Keaton played the role to the hilt. She was a nice girl in the daytime and a sexual thrill seeker at night. Spoiler alert: her taste in men was her downfall. This character wrote the book on "good girls like bad boys."

Her string of one night stands was adventurous, if maybe ill advised. If you're looking for Mr. Gere, you'll find him as one of her dangerous liaisons. In theaters, you could hardly hear the dialogue over the audience collectively muttering, "Girl, get outta there."

The film was the talk of the town that year, but Keaton did not get an Oscar nomination for her performance. That's because Annie Hall happened. That movie not only brought her a nice piece of hardware, it let her play a character who was a lot less likely to die during sex.

As luck would have it, there is a wine called The Keaton Red Blend. It is a combination of Zinfandel, Syrah, and Petite Sirah sourced in California's North Coast area. It sells for around $20. If you can't find it, keep looking.

From 1977, Annie Hall gives us Woody Allen's take on his failed relationship with Keaton. We wouldn't learn until years later just how failed his relationships could be. This was pre-scandal Woody, though, and everyone fell in love with Annie Hall.  

The movie taught us how to have a great date involving lobsters, what to do if you forget your mantra, where to look for Marshall McLuhan while standing in line for The Sorrow and the Pity, how you can bond with others over killing spiders, and how to win the Truman Capote look-alike contest.  It also taught us that even though love may fade, it's an awful lot of fun while it's shining.

Champagne goes great with lobster. It actually goes great with practically anything, and it makes a great impression. Try Champagne Laurent Perrier for about $75.  

1982's Shoot the Moon is one of those movies you can watch if you feel you've been a little too happy lately. It features Keaton and Albert Finney as a couple whose relationship has hit the rocks. For just the two of them, it might be relatively easy to split. But there are the gaggle of kids to consider, and that makes things a lot more difficult. 

A divorce, they say, is hardest on the children. They don't like going to the dentist at all, but at least there may be a treat afterward. Watching mom and dad fight over custody is worse than the cavity, and the lawyer doesn't give lollipops. 

Shoot didn't earn its keep at the box office, probably because it's such a downer. Keaton and Finney act their asses off, though, and the film is well respected today. If viewing it drives you to drink, I have a suggestion.

Washington state's Descendant Cellars has a Syrah called Rocky Relationship, which should do nicely for Shoot the Moon. If you find that you simply can’t hold back while watching, cry until your tears taste like Syrah. $45 

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Blood Of The Vines - Rooms With A View

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we make room for roomy movies. We'll make room for some wine pairings for them, too.

 From 1986 we have A Room With a View, the theatrical release, not the TV movie. Yes, but it was a British TV movie. Doesn't that count for extra? I guess not. The big screen version was nominated for a large handful of Academy Awards, but only three were bestowed upon it. Only three. One of them was for Best Costume Design. Keep in mind, for your next opportunity to gamble on the Academy Awards, if a British period piece is in the running, it takes home a costuming Oscar. Bet the screening room on it.

The film centers on a young British woman's trip to Italy. She and her traveling companion don't like the view from their hotel room in Florence, which is handy, since it relates directly to the movie's title. But it would seem to me that if you're looking out of any hotel room in Florence, you've already got the majority of other hotel rooms beat. Even if it's not facing the Arno River.

In your pensione minibar, you won't find very many exotic choices, but often there are reliable brands in there. If you're staying in a Florence pensione, go Tuscan. You shouldn't have trouble finding Ruffino's Chianti Superiore.

The Bed Sitting Room is a 1969 British black comedy directed by Richard Lester. You no doubt remember him as the guy who directed The Beatles to silver screen stardom in A Hard Day's Night and Help! A clue to the new direction.

In The Bed Sitting Room, he employed a raft of British comedians, like Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Marty Feldman, and Spike Milligan. The movie is nothing if not absurd. Lester called the script, such as it was, "a completely lunatic sketchbook of surrealism." That really sums it up well. 

The setting is post-apocalyptic London, after a catastrophic nuclear war. The story, if we can call it that, revolves around one ridiculous idea after another. One critic of the day recommended it to fans of Monty Python's Flying Circus, although not wholeheartedly. It may well be a film representation of Magritte's The Son of Man painting. Offbeat, satirical, weird. 

I'll recommend a wine pairing, which should be consumed in full before viewing, so the humor has a better chance of hitting home. Realm Cellars has a proprietary blend called The Absurd. The winery says it may be made from one grape or five, depending on the vintage. It's a Napa Valley product, but the website leans starkly Brit. Their fascination with Shakespeare is clear, although filtered through a Picasso lens. Oh, and the bottle costs more than $150, which may be the height of absurdity.

Let's go back to hotel rooms for the 1938 Marx Brothers classic, Room Service. It's the only Marx Brothers film that wasn't written especially for them. It features two other rarities: Chico doesn't play the piano and Harpo doesn't play the harp. Don't worry, Groucho still works in plenty of his trademark one- liners. 

The script was based on a play, and the scribes of the day felt the Marx Brothers didn’t add much to the experience, but admitted they didn’t hurt, either. You can expect the usual round of Marxist humor, by which I mean slapstick and farce, based on plenty of confusion and deception.

Is it worth a viewing? Did you shoot an elephant in your pajamas? How that line got in my copy, I'll never know.

Do Not Disturb Wines won't be hanging on your room's door handle. The Room Service Pinot Noir will, however, connote the laissez faire attitude of the winemaker. The grapes come from a Sonoma County vineyard, on the eastern edge of Dry Creek Valley, if you want to get finicky about it. It sells for a little under $30.

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Blood Of The Vines - Claudia Cardinale Week

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ This week, we remember another fallen great, Claudia Cardinale.

Cardinale starred with Burt Lancaster in The Leopard, a 1963 epic historical drama about the turbulent times in Italy during the 19th century. When a film is called "epic," it means it's really long. 

When director Luchino Visconti hit the stopwatch after the credits, it read 3:25. That's hours and minutes, by the way. He said, "Whoops," or whatever whoops is in Italian, and trimmed ten minutes off. Like that made a big difference. I mean, there's a 46-minute ballroom dancing scene! Oof, madone!

Every time someone takes control of the reels of this movie, another ten minutes disappears, like witness protection. I think it's down below three hours now. Don't let that cable sports channel get hold of it. They condense Dodger games down to an hour. Come to think of it, trimming a Dodger game so the bullpen doesn't appear is not a bad idea.

Well, so it's a long movie. That means all the more time we get to look at Claudia Cardinale, so I'm not complaining. I hear that some people really like the way Burt Lancaster looks, too.

If it doesn't seem like you've been sitting down for three damn hours, it may be because the film is so damn beautiful to look at. One of our more enlightened TFH gurus said, "Every frame is a painting." At least not one of those paintings with eyes that follow you around the room.

The Leopard is set in Sicily, so you can probably guess where my wine pairing is headed. About a year ago I had the pleasure of sipping the 2020 Regaleali Lamùri Nero d'Avola, made from Sicilian grapes, dark and powerful, for just $16. 

1968's Once Upon a Time in the West was directed by the great Sergio Leone. Not only do we get Claudia Cardinale here, we also get a soundtrack by Ennio Morricone. Finest kind. 

Uh oh, another epic movie. It's more like epic-lite. The Italian version of this one clocked in at nearly three hours, but the American release was just over two hours. There's probably no intermission, so let's all go to the snack bar before we take our seats.

The wine pairing for Once Upon comes from the wild west of Italy. At least the wild northwest. Riva Leone's Barbaresco has its Nebbiolo roots in Piedmont. Retail: $25.

It would be great if 8 ½ was the middle part of Federico Fellini's Numbers Trilogy, the one between 8 and 9, wouldn't it? But I'm not allowed to just make up stuff here. Who am I, Il Presidente?

The film was shown at Cannes in 1963 to what is described as "almost universal acclaim." Almost? I guess he got screwed by the fascist judge. 

Fellini used this film as a mirror, albeit a sort of funhouse mirror. It's a movie about making a movie, but the movie they're making is the one you're watching. Always remember, if you want people to think you're a genius, make yourself as incomprehensible as possible.

Varvaglione 12 e Mezzo Primitivo Salento, a bright red wine from Puglia, the sun-soaked heel of Italy's boot. Twelve e mezzo is Italimerican for 12 ½, which makes it the biggest stretch yet for a wine and movie pairing in this space. But records are made to be broken. Drink it, dream it, get lost in it. It's a $15 trip.

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Blood Of The Vines - Robert Redford Week

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we remember Robert Redford, the guy every guy's wife says she would have married had she had the chance.

One of Redford's better films, which is a high bar, is The Candidate, from 1972. The dark political satire features Redford as the son of a former California governor who is thrown to the wolves. He is chosen to run against a formidable Republican opponent in what is considered an unwinnable congressional race. The steep odds make it unnecessary for him to cater to public opinion, so he gives California voters a piece of his mind. And they like it.

The political consultant who pushed him into the race now sees a possible win, so the candidate's message is pushed into the center. To everyone's surprise, Redford wins. At the victory party, he urgently asks his consultant, "What do we do now?" That's how the sausage is made, folks.  

The Jeremy Larner script won an Oscar, and prompted a later real-life candidate by the name of Dan Quayle to say that he patterned himself after Redford's character. Larner's open letter to Quayle explained that the movie "is not a how-to picture, it's a watch-out picture. And you're what we've got to watch out for." It’s too bad they don't give Academy Awards for open letters.

Lodi's Michael David Winery has never missed a gimmick label, so, we naturally turn there to get a pairing for The Candidate. Politically Correct is a blend of Bordeaux grapes grown in dear ol' California. In addition to the wacky label, the wine's good, too. At least it better be, at $50. 

It would happen this way: You may be walking one day and a car will slow down beside you. A door will open and someone you know - perhaps someone you trust - will smile and offer you a bottle of wine...

Redford may not be the spy in Three Days of the Condor, but he sure has the thrill-a-minute life foisted upon him. This guy can't pick up the mail without dodging bullets. 

Redford's character - a CIA researcher - wants to come in from the cold, only to find he's already in, and the air conditioning is stuck on 32. He's so cold he has to open the fridge to get warm. It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.

Redford's code name is "Condor," and the tactics the government uses in trying to keep him quiet sure have him feeling like an endangered species. Things do heat up a bit for Condor when Faye Dunaway realizes things could be worse than playing hostage to a guy who looks like Redford.  

Now the car slows down, and the smiling man offers a refreshing drink of wine.  

Condor's Hope Vineyard is named for its location in Santa Barbara County where condors are released into the wild.  The winery releases big Zinfandels and Shiraz into the wild, but only 400 cases at a time.  Most of their wines sell for under $20.  They might be a little hard to find, but that's how condors are.  If you order some, you might want to get it sent by FedEx.

 In 1972's The Hot Rock, Redford starred in the story of a diamond heist which keeps going south, showing that even the best-laid plans can always blow up in your face. Take the making of this movie, for example. The critics thought it was good, but not great. The director, Peter Yates, said that despite an interesting story and a wonderful cast, the butts just didn't get into the seats. It's happened to the best of them.

As a tribute to the movie, punk rockers Sleater-Kinney named one of their albums after it, although I feel the film's catch phrase, "Afghanistan banana stand," would have been a more memorable name.

For The Hot Rock, let’s pair 19 Crimes wine with the film, since it seems like the band of criminals needed 19 chances to pull off their heist. They have a line of Snoop wines, Cali Red and Cali Rosé. The latter looks a lot like gin and juice.

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Blood Of The Vines - Playing With Reality

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week, we look at what is real and what is not, with an emphasis on what is not. There will be a wine pairing for each of the three films, if you choose to believe it.

F for Fake is Orson Welles' 1973 documentary about art forger Elmyr de Hory, if that is indeed his name. De Hory could spin a tale. He lied about his name, his age, his upbringing, and his police record. His entire existence was pretty much fabricated out of thin air. His hopes of making a living as an artist during the Great Depression indicate that he wasn't too sharp a tool in the first place. Oh, but he figured out how to make art pay. Turn it into crime.

It has been burned into our consciousness that crime itself does not pay. That's debatable. Welles has Clifford Irving as one of the people describing de Hory's life, which is a neat trick. Irving was the author of the supposed autobiography of Howard Hughes, a bit of deceit for which he spent time behind prison bars. Welles himself was a master faker with his War of the Worlds radio broadcast. That Halloween staple was created from fake news, back before the term had been co-opted to mean "uncomfortable truths."

Turns out F for Fake is fake itself, with Welles turning the documentary genre on its head. He creates a fictional story from real events, you know, like filmmakers do. Martin Scorsese borrowed the technique for his Rolling Thunder Revue movie. 

There's a company called Faux Wines which sells non-alcoholic wines for about the same price as a mid-range regular wine. Does that sound like a deal to you? Isn't non-alcoholic wine just called grape juice? Infamous wine-forger Rudy Kurniawan would probably beg to differ. Check out the doc Sour Grapes for his story. 

For F for Fake let's pair an actual wine, as far as we know. Could any wine from Forge Cellars be called a forgery? If we wanted to get cute, I suppose so. But this winery in New York's Finger Lakes region, Lake Seneca to be precise, specializes in real, honest-to-goodness Riesling in the $25 range.

With news you can trust, I guess, there is American Movie. The 1999 documentary follows Mark Borchardt as he tries to raise money to make a film. The task is made harder by the Midwesterner's incompetence and various personal problems. It's hailed as a hilarious picture, although I think some of the humor would be lost on anyone who has tried to get a film financed. 

The story told by the doc is true, and it's rather heartwarming, in addition to being pretty funny. When Borchardt's one pet project falls apart, he bounces to another in an effort to raise money to finish the first one. When you hear the phrase "the truth hurts," you might think of American Movie. 

The film won a documentary award at Sundance and is listed by the New York Times as one of the thousand greatest movies ever made. That may sound like an easy list to make, but some of my favorite movies aren't on it. 

Borchardt is from Wisconsin, and so is our wine pairing. Wollersheim Winery is run by a winemaker who escaped Beaujolais for the cold, American midwest. The Wollersheim wines focus on the Marechal grape, which is more like a Côtes du Rhône than a Pinot Noir. It sells for about $25. 

The Italian documentary, Mondo Cane, was considered shocking back in 1962. Its depiction of different cultures from around the globe exposed audiences to a pastiche of perversion, a smorgasbord of sensationalism, a wide world of weirdness. The depictions of racism and cruelty are still hard to watch today. However, many of the scenes were staged or taken out of context to provide maximum titillation. 

The film was so popular around the world that others followed in its exploitative footsteps. The genre of sensationalist pseudo-docs is now known as mondo films. The shock effect goes further than blending Sangiovese with Cabernet Sauvignon. How dare you! And you call yourself a Super Tuscan.

The Antinori Solaia is such a super wine, blending Cabernets Sauvignon and Franc with Sangiovese. Artificial Intelligence tells me that Solaia translates from Italian as "loft," or "attic," or "sunny vineyard." Or it could be a typo. I love the AI adventure. These grapes grow in soils which originated in the Pliocene period. That may not matter much to you, but when you pay $350 for a bottle of wine, you expect all the bragging rights that go with it.

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Blood Of The Vines - Fatal Femmes

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌ This week we spotlight some not-so-ladylike ladies, and offer a wine pairing for each film.

I should apologize in advance for all the nasty things we’ll be saying about the following women. In film noir, the double standard is alive and well. A man can be a "playboy," while a woman exhibiting the same qualities is branded with a more insulting term. Me, I'm just a writer, unless you see me as a hack. In which case, I’m just playing the cards I was dealt.

You may think we had bigger worries in 1960 than The Leech Woman, but you’d be wrong. No, she’s not a gold digger. Nor is she an ex-wife with a large alimony payment. She's just a middle-aged woman yearning for her lost youth. Like some sort of scientific vampiress, she gets her vim and vigor by taking it from the men she kills. The more, the merrier. 

At some point, she runs out of men and has to extract the life potion from a woman. That’s when things get all topsy-turvy for her. What is it women say? "Never trust another woman with your anti-aging regimen?" I think it goes something like that.

A NYC movie review rag, Harrison's Reports, called this strip of celluloid "very good." I don’t know if the review had anything to do with it, but HR was out of business less than two years later. The quote may be out of context, taken from a sentence like, "This movie is not very good." But I’m not making any excuses for an eight-page newsletter put together with staples.

There was once a thing called Bald's Eyesalve, made from wine, leeks, garlic, and cow bile. I don’t think this is what's in the eyedrops they use at the Stein Institute, but don't quote me on that. The pairing for The Leech Woman is Beach Leech, from Pool Wines of Australia. It has to be better than the name sounds. It’s a full-blooded Marsanne for less than $30. 

1959's The Wasp Woman must have thrown entomologists for a loop.  Our lovely vespula germanica was also known cinematically as The Bee Girl and more generically as Insect Woman. But what's in a name, eh?

The film was produced and directed by the great Roger Corman, who knew how to squeeze the sting out of every last dollar. The Wasp Woman is about a lady, and we use the term loosely, who owns a cosmetics company. Her customers notice the wrinkles starting to increase, so she dips into the wasp jelly in the research lab. She finds her fountain of youth, but it comes with a hefty retail sticker, even for cosmetics.

The secret formula does take years off the appearance of our B-girl, but it does not convey the gift of flight, something that would have come in handy in the film's final scenes.

If you find a bottle of wine with drowned wasps floating in it, the maker was probably trying the same trick our femme fatale used. Alcohol infused with wasps are thought to carry health benefits. It's definitely an under-the-counter concoction, though.

Wasps are essential for spreading the natural yeasts which are needed for making wine. The Fableist Wine Company of Paso Robles gets it. Their line of Aesop-inspired wines has in it a nod to The Butterfly and the Wasp. Look not at what you were, but at what you are. This $25 rosé is made from Grenache and Blaufrankisch grapes. The alcohol is kinda low, so you will have to drink a lot of it to get, uh, buzzed.

Beverly Michaels gets the starring role in 1953's Wicked Woman. She plays a waitress who aims to take the place of her employer's drunk wife. When their little secret gets out, well, you know what they say about the best laid plans - and the best planned lays.

Let's refer to the one sheets: "She’s nothing but trouble… every voluptuous inch of her." "She uses sex the way a hoodlum uses a loaded gun." "She lives up to every scarlet letter of her name." "They called her wicked, but they didn’t know the half of it." Any blurb writer will tell you, it's more fun to write about bad people than good ones.

One of those publicity photos shows this femme fatale with an almost sympathetic face, as if she regrets in advance what she is about to do. The working title of the low-budget noir was Free and Easy. This gal may have been one, but not the other.

Clouds Rest makes a Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir which bears the name Femme Fatale.  Be warned, it’s expensive - as is any femme fatale worth her one-sheets. The 2017 vintage runs $100. 

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