Blood Of The Vines - Horse Sense

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we concentrate on the neighsayers with wine pairings for three thoroughbred films. Giddyup!

The Black Stallion is a 1979 adventure about a boy who is shipwrecked on a desert isle with the black horse. The two become pals, as there was no one else on the island with whom to talk or whinny. A rescue brings them both back home for more escapades and, eventually, a race. In that one, bet on the dark horse.

The film spawned a sequel, a prequel and a TV series. That's pretty good for a movie starring a non-talking horse. Mr. Ed was green with envy. Mickey Rooney was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar, but he couldn't go the distance. He did land a role in the series, however. 

Bucephalus was Alexander the Great's black steed, and it is the wine pairing here. It's a blend of Napa Valley grapes: Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Syrah, and Zinfandel, from the Black Stallion Winery. It's pricey at $230, so don't spill any during the exciting parts of the movie.

The soundtrack of The Horse Soldiers rides in on the strains of "Dixie" and out to "When Johnny Comes Marching Home." You not only get a western, you get a Civil War movie, too. And John Wayne's in both of them.  

Heck, you even get John Ford directing at no extra charge, and a story that was ripped from the headlines of the Vicksburg Post, circa 1863. A western? In Mississippi? That's right, pilgrim. Mississippi was once The West. The Duke plays the railroad-builder-turned-Yankee-Colonel who is sent into Mississippi on a mission to blow up a railroad. Now that's iron horse irony for you.

Besides Wayne and Ford, you get character actors like Ken Curtis, Denver Pyle and Strother Martin. That's the hick trifecta, right there - a dialogue coach's dream, a speech therapist's nightmare.  

It may be my imagination, but I think this movie has more horses in it than I've ever seen before in a film. It makes me wonder if actors get paid more for saddle sores. We should probably check with a bow-legged actor for the answer.

Wild Horse Winery, just south of Paso Robles, advises us to "Live Naturally, Enjoy Wildly."  Their 2006 Cheval Sauvage not only means "wild horse" in French, it's the kind of masculine Pinot Noir John Wayne might share with his brave steed after a tough day of breaking the Confederacy.

The Appaloosa is a 1966 Western, sometimes titled as Southwest to Sonora, in case you didn't catch on right away that it's a Western. Marlon Brando plays a Mexican-American who has a beautiful horse. But you know, in the movies as in real life, we can't have nice things. Not without putting up a fight, anyway. 

As fights go, the climax of The Appaloosa is a doozy. It shows the lengths that some men will travel for what, or who, they love. It also shows why you shouldn't have a chrome gun.

Sol Invictus Vineyards has a Riesling for just $22. It's from Idaho, but the best thing about it is that it's named Appaloosa. That's a recco if I ever heard one.

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Blood Of The Vines - Still More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we dig way down in the digital streaming stack once again, for three films that may have gotten past you unnoticed. There will be wine pairings, too.

People who know me know better than to ask me about wine.  They know that one simple question will ensnare them in a conversation that lasts too long and ends up putting them to sleep.  It's the same with movie aficionados. They always end up talking about movies that were seen by only twelve people in a limited opening in Sherman Oaks.  My kind of people. 

2018's Little Forest tells the story of a woman in Seoul who gives up on her dream of becoming a teacher and moves back to the small South Korean village where she grew up. It may sound like a thin nail on which to hang a whole movie, but it's one of those feel-good films that actually works. 

She returns home to find that Mom is gone, but the memories of the "little forest" of ways she showed her love are still there. A couple of her childhood pals remain, too. One of them has also given up the struggle of the big city, while the other is striving for bigger and better, right there in their tiny town. That's worth a toast, I would say.

Well, whattaya know? A winery named Little Forest. Let's call off the search right there. I mean, owner Atsuko Radcliffe was the first female winemaker in Japan, and now she is seeking fame and fortune in Australia. Who knows when she might go back home to play with her ol' school chums? She has a bunch of Shiraz wines for sale at around $40.

The 2019 sci-fi Vivarium takes perhaps the bleakest view of child-rearing ever seen in a movie. The story involves a couple who are taken to live in a certain house and forced to raise a certain child who was left on their porch. Any parent will tell you, it's a job raising a kid. In this case, it is an actual j-o-b, from which they cannot escape. No amount of "mommy wine" can help. And in the end, he never calls, he never writes….

The temptation is to pair any old cheap, box-wine Chardonnay with Vivarium, but maybe we won't treat "mommy wine culture" so casually. It is, basically, functioning alcoholism, after all.  

Let's cheat a bit and call on Domaine Parent for a nice Chardonnay - I mean a really nice Chardonnay. It comes in a glass bottle and everything. And "Parent" is Jacques Parent's name, en Français, so it's "pair ONT." A bottle of his Grand Cru white Burgundy will have you unfolding a Benjamin, but he has a good $20 Chardonnay as well.

Box of Moonlight hit theater screens in 1996, and most people likely did not see it coming. They didn't see it going, either. They just didn't see it. Those that did see it are a cult of a precious few, a cult apparently headed up by the film's director.

The comedy/drama centers on a man who decides to kill a few days on his way home from a business trip by visiting a lake he knew as a child. This sort of Tomfoolery is quite out of character for him. For this variance from the norm, he is rewarded with a new take on life and maybe fewer rats in the rat race. 

Sonoma County's Chateau St. Jean Winery has moonlight that comes in a bottle, not a box. Moonlight Malbec is a reserve wine from their collection and it sells for $85.

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Blood Of The Vines - April Fools

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we celebrate April First with a trio of foolish flicks and wine pairings to match.

I'll Never Forget What's'isname is a 1967 British comedy. You know it's British because the letter "H" in the title is replaced by an apostrophe. That's also how you know it's a comedy. 

Leonard Maltin summed it up in three words: "Excellent comedy drama." All the other critics used far more verbiage, calling it overwrought, dated, muddled, pessimistic, heavy-handed. I could go on, but we've all paid too much attention to negative reviews already, haven't we?

Orson Welles gets fairly high billing for a part that barely used up any celluloid and Oliver Reed chops up the place, literally, as an ad man who makes Don Draper seem like a milquetoast. 

The wine pairing for What's'isname is a wine which actually has no name. Like the Horse With No Name. Or the Man With No Name. Borgogno's 2020 Barolo failed an Italian taste test and was declassified to Nebbiolo. In protest, the winery slapped "No Name" on the label. Which means that's actually the name, I guess. It sells for $50 online. For that price, I'd expect a name. 

The Private Lives of Adam and Eve came out in 1960, a time when things were just looking up for America. Elvis was wrapping up a tour of duty, Kennedy was preparing to beat Nixon's perspiring upper lip, and The Flintstones were about to become the modern stone-age family.

Mickey Rooney co-directed this film with Albert Zugsmith, who probably should have called himself What's'isname, except the film wasn't British. Rooney also tackled the role of Satan, which is how you know it's a comedy.

It's a film about paradise, which seems to be set in purgatory. A busload of people are headed to Reno, the across-the-border name for Lake Tahoe, where people in movies went to get divorced. The lead couple, Mamie Van Doren and Martin Milner, end up dreaming that they're in the Garden of Eden. The biggest temptation they faced might have been to get off this picture. But, their per diems were already doled out, so they stayed and ate from the honey wagon.

It's not a bad way to waste an hour and a half, but don't expect a major skin show just because the Catholic Legion of Decency condemned it. 

Paradise Springs Winery is in Santa Barbara County. They also have an operation in Virginia, making them one of the only bicoastal wineries. They pick fruit from some well respected vineyards, and bottles start at $35.

With James Garner starring, you know it's a comedic western about to happen. Sure enough, in 1969's Support Your Local Sheriff, Garner's sharp shooter character becomes the sheriff of a gold rush town that is held in check by a rich family that charges a toll to use the only road in and out of town. Hey, it's nothing but dirt everywhere you look. Just make a new road! But no, that would leave us with a movie only 17 minutes long and not very interesting. 

Garner's touch with the western motif was a gift, so much so that in The Rockford Files it was disappointing to see his home surrounded by beach sand instead of desert.

This film features a great supporting cast. The likes of Walter Brennan, Jack Elam, Bruce Dern, and Harry Morgan are worth the investment of 90 minutes and $4 to rent the flick on your local iPad. 

Shadow Ranch, in the Sierra Foothills, has a red blend they call The Sheriff. As in "Support Your Local Sheriff," "There’s a new sheriff in town," and "Y'all drive careful now, heah?" The blend is Syrah, Petite Sirah, Tempranillo, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Grenache, all for $23. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Richard Chamberlain

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we salute another great actor who has shuffled off this mortal coil. Use our wine pairings to raise a glass to Richard Chamberlain. 

The Last Wave is a 1977 Australian thriller directed by Peter Weir. No introduction needed, but he gets one anyway. Gallipoli, The Year of Living Dangerously, Witness, Dead Poets Society. Those are some great films in Weir's resumé. Chamberlain's acting chops lifted Wave to the level of those movies. 

He plays a lawyer who represents a group of Aboriginal people accused of murder. Chamberlain's attorney keeps having dreams about water and death. It sounds like a music video from MTV’s early days, right? The solicitor keeps feeling a connection between himself and the indigenous people, one that proves to be stronger than an attraction to didgeridoo music. 

If you have the bucks for a bottle of Penfolds, don’t let us stop you. Fourth Wave Wine is Australian, too, and more affordable. They actually have wines from five other countries as well. Their Tread Softly rosé plants an Australian Native Tree for every six-pack sold. Be aware they also have an alcohol-free rosé with a similar name.

Ken Russell directed 1971's The Music Lovers, one of his films about classical composers. If you're wondering how Russell got a major movie studio to fund a film about Tchaikovsky, here's how. He told them it was a story about a homosexual who fell in love with a nymphomaniac. There's no word on how he managed to get the others made.

The Music Lovers was so abused by the critics you'd have thought they were all relatives of the composer. "Tedious," "grotesque," "perverse" and "wretched excesses" were just a few of the epithets hurled at Russell's film, and those were from the critics who liked it.

Chamberlain had a lot to work with while shaping his take on the music man. Tchaikovsky's mental condition was ruined at an early age when he watched his mother get boiled alive. It was thought to be a cure for cholera. Well, it cured it, alright, with the unfortunate side effect of no longer being alive. Tchaikovsky himself died of cholera after he purposely drank contaminated water. Apparently, by this time, boiling was no longer thought to be an effective cure.

The movie is very light on dialogue, so Chamberlain gets to cut loose with his physical performance. There are lots of facial expressions to convey emotion. Y'know, ACTING!

For a complicated guy like Tchaikovsky, who made some pretty complicated music - how about a nice, complicated Pinot Noir? Melville's Estate Pinot comes from the Sta. Rita Hills part of Santa Barbara County. It is a rich, complex and elegant Pinot which will pair perfectly with Tchaikovsky's music - and hopefully with Russell's vision of it.

The 1973 version of The Three Musketeers stars Chamberlain alongside fellow musketeers Michael York, Oliver Reed and Frank Finlay. Also appearing in Richard Lester's swashbuckle with a chuckle are Raquel Welch, Geraldine Chaplin, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Lee and Spike Milligan. Gee, it's too bad the movie was so light on star power. 

Chamberlain plays Aramis to the hilt. He and the other actors and crew were livid when the producers decided to split the long film into two shorter ones, resulting in the sequel, The Four Musketeers. SAG saw to it that future contracts would prevent that sort of bait-and-switch, two-for-one shenanigan. 

Y. Rousseau Wines has the unusual Tannat grape as the star of The Musketeer. The grapes came from the Alder Springs Vineyard in Mendocino County. It’s a $50 wine.

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Blood Of The Vines - Pacino

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we chew up some scenery with three films starring Al Pacino. Also, say hello to my little wine pairings for each movie.

I once took a picture of Al Pacino into a hair salon and told the stylist that I wanted to look like that. She said, "I'm a stylist, not a freaking magician." I just meant the haircut, lady. Anyway, if I were an actor, I'd ask to have a signature line of dialogue like Al Pacino. Nobody overdoes it better. 

Pacino had a memorable line in 1979's And Justice for All. "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order!" Everybody got to break that one out well into the '80s, lawyer or not. Norman Jewison directed the courtroom caper, which comes off like Perry Mason on steroids.

And look at the supporting cast: Jack Warden, John Forsythe, Jeffrey Tambor, Craig T. Nelson, Lee Strasberg. Hey, was Strasberg Forsythe's acting coach for Bachelor Father? Thomas Waites was in it, I have all his albums. Oh, wait. Waites. Not Waits. Sorry, I got carried away there. I was out of order. The whole article is out of order!

Justice Wines of Napa Valley will do nicely here. Their Jurisprudence Cabernet has a name so long that it's broken up by a hyphen on the label. If you're planning on buying Justice for all, be forewarned that it runs about $200 a bottle. And that's before any billable hours get tacked on.

Sidney Lumet directed Pacino in Serpico in 1973. Apparently, no one associated with casting this movie ever said "That shrimp never gets the part!" Even critics who panned the film overall thought that people should plunk down their $1.76 to see it just for Pacino's performance. The cost of a movie ticket in 1973 was $1.76. Adjusted for inflation, that's more than ten bucks in today's money. Have you paid to see a movie lately? Forget corrupt cops. It's the corrupt concession stands we need to investigate. 

In Blake Edwards’ S.O.B., a cop comes to the door to bust up a party. He ends up pitching a story idea to a producer, because he's got some great stories from being a cop. "And none of that Serpico crap, either." I’ll take some of that Serpico crap any day. "We do not wash our own laundry. It just gets dirtier."

Feudi di San Gregorio has a single vineyard Aglianico wine called Serpico. That suits me just fine. Get out $70 and party like it's 1973.

Serpico worked so well, Lumet decided to do it again in 1975, when he helmed Pacino in Dog Day Afternoon. This was the film version of the 1972 attempted bank robbery in Brooklyn. If you think art imitates life, you are correct. Dog Day Afternoon was taken from a Life magazine story about the botched robbery.

Pacino's big line from Dog Day is "Attica! Attica!" The line was reportedly improvised by Pacino. A journalist who covered the heist remarked that the script presented Pacino's character as being more rational than he really was. 

The crime was a drawn-out drama on a hot August afternoon, one that had decent intentions behind it. Some of the loot was supposed to go to a sex change operation. But dumb criminals are high on every cop's wish list. Sometimes you're not arrested for the crime, just for being dumb enough to get caught doing it.

Pheasant Run Wine is in Oregon, but they make some of their wines with grapes from Walla Walla, Washington. Bank Robber Red is what they call a criminally good blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and Petit Verdot. If it's a blazing hot late summer day, try their Heist Sauvignon Blanc while you lay low waiting for the heat to blow over.

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Blood Of The Vines - Scared Of The Dark

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week our trio of films is for those who sleep with a nightlight on. Don't worry, we have wine pairings for each movie. And, we'll leave the light on for you.

Darkman, from 1990, was directed by Sam Raimi and starred Liam Neeson as a scientist who was severely burned in an explosion. In true superhero fashion, he hides his disfigured face and seeks revenge on those who took his good looks away from him. He hangs out in his new favorite place, The Dark.

The scientist happened to be working on developing synthetic skin for burn victims at the time, so chalk one up for synchronicity. "Hey, I could really use this stuff. Wish it was good in the daylight, too."

Dark Horse Wine's Double Down Red Blend is as dark in the bottle as it is on the label. Those molasses and dark chocolate notes will leave you quaking if you're scared of the dark. Fortunately, the alcohol level is high enough to get a good buzz going halfway through your second glass. It's cheap, too. 

The 2012 big screen version of Dark Shadows had an interesting cast. Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Helena Bonham Carter were in it, leaving us to wonder how Johnny Depp got the part since he only has two names. Jonathan Frid, who played the vampire Barnabus Collins in the TV series, had a cameo in the movie. By the way, he died just before the film was released, and the movie's producer passed away just afterward. Talk about dark.

I remember hating the hour when Dark Shadows the TV show was on. My sister loved it, and I simply couldn't take the low production value. Yeah, I was a snotty teenager. I don’t remember what was on the two other channels at that time, but it must have been good programming. The only times I fought with my sister were over what to watch on the only TV set we had in the house.

Wine pairing often pits the sweet against the savory. Barnabus Collins is definitely not sweet, so let's pour St. Barnabus Commandaria for Dark Shadows. It's a dessert wine from Cyprus, and it’s nice and sweet, the perfect counterpoint to the dark shadow cast by the vampire Barnabus.

1971's Daughters of Darkness serves up horror with something for everyone: vampires, an old hotel, a man with a weird mom, straight razors, and a side order of eroticism. Did you ever have the feeling that you'd seen someone before, but didn't really want to remember them? That's this movie.

Horror scribes have ranked it in their top 100 horror films, although down towards the end of that list. Considering how many horror films have been made, perhaps that's a reasonable achievement. Some folks like the movie's score, from François de Roubaix. As an added slice of darkness, actor John Karlen also played several roles in the TV version of Dark Shadows. Hey, if you're doing something you love, it's not really a job. 

Opaque Wines of Paso Robles invite you to "taste the darkness," so, why not? Their Darkness wine is made from Zinfandel, Primitivo, Petite Sirah, and Petit Verdot grapes. Primitivo is basically the Italian version of Zin, but that's just those crazy Paso Roblians for ya. It's about $30 to taste a bottle of Darkness.

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Blood Of The Vines - Psychotic Breaks

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, Let's get crazy. Let's get nuts. Let's pair wine with some films from the fringe.

From the crazy '60s, 1969 actually, Coming Apart stars Rip Torn as a psychiatrist with mental problems. Physician, heal thyself. Good luck, with that hidden camera in your spare apartment.

Released with a rating of X due to the explicit sex scenes, one critic called it pornography for intellectuals, which is what I thought Playboy magazine was when I was a teenager. Oh, I only bought it for the cartoons.

Baccio Divino has the perfect wine for this theme. The label is perfect, at least. The strange Italian red blend is called Pazzo, which means "crazy." So, call me crazy, but I think mixing Dolcetto with Cabernet Sauvignon, Petite Sirah, Merlot, and Petit Verdot is brilliant.

Clint Eastwood's Play Misty for Me holds a special place in my heart. Clint plays a cool radio deejay in Carmel. I, too, was a deejay, and figured if I was good enough at it, I would someday drive a sports car on Highway 1 and do my show on tape so I could come and go as I pleased. The downside: women with knives.

I never got the sports car on Highway 1 and I spent many long hours chained to a microphone. On the other hand, I never got stabbed.

Eastwood was once the mayor of Carmel, so a Monterey wine would be appropriate.  He told interviewers that he preferred to drink Chardonnay, so let’s grab one from Bernardus, which has several good Chards in the 30 to 50 dollar range.

The 1976 slasher pic Alice, Sweet Alice was directed by Alfred Sole, a guy whose previous film got him charged with obscenity and excommunicated in the state of New Jersey. Who knew Jersians could get so upset over a movie? Eddie and the Cruisers 2, anyone?

Brooke Shields debuts here and glides into a career in film'n'fashion, where the wine, bubbles and sometimes tequila flow like a fire hydrant. Brooke now says she has a glass of water for every drink. I knew a guy who claimed to "run a mile for every one of these," as he held up a Rob Roy. I always imagined him running a marathon before work each day.  

Alice, Sweet Alice had several different titles, one of which was Communion. Is Alice, Sweet Alice an indictment of the church, child abuse, the death of the family, or psychiatry? Have fun guessing, while I focus on the wine. 

Fat Bastard's Bloody Red is a French Grenache/Merlot/Syrah blend that's perfect for a slasher movie. Really marketed for Halloween, it works here as well. It only costs about $10.

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Blood Of The Vines - Gene Hackman, R.I.P.

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we honor another great who has gone to the great hereafter. We have wine pairings, too, of course.

Gene Hackman passed away at the age of 95, leaving a lot of questions unanswered at the time I'm writing this. He also left behind some great movies, including Oscar fodder like The French Connection, Unforgiven and Bonnie and Clyde. Picking three of his films was not easy, but not because the pickings were slim.

Hackman made five films in 2001, but The Royal Tenenbaums topped the list. Directed by Wes Anderson, Tenenbaums stars Hackman as an absentee father of three adults he hasn't seen since they were teenagers. They were child prodigies who peaked too soon. His character tries to churn up some familial love by claiming to be dying. Well, we're all dying, aren't we? It's just a matter of time. The best we can hope for is a good epitaph.

Let's name-check a wine for The Royal Tenenbaums. Covenant Wines makes kosher wine, inspired by the wines of Rabbi Elchonon Tenenbaum in Napa. He likes the Zinfandel, but Covenant carries an entire line of kosher wines that taste good. 

Prime Cut was a dark 1972 glimpse of the underbelly of the underworld in the American Midwest. Director Michael Ritchie - before Bad News Bears - manages to juxtapose the sex trade with slaughterhouses, and it doesn't seem like that much of a reach. Anyhow, Hackman plays a miscreant meatpacker against Lee Marvin's mob muscle. 

For some reason, the scene that stuck in my seventeen-year-old mind was Marvin looking over Hackman as he tore through a hideous looking plate of food. "You eat guts," says Marvin. Hackman replies, with a mouthful of food, "Yeah. I like 'em." Then Marvin blocks the plate and says "Talk now, eat later." The scene leaves me with mixed feelings about sausage.

We will want a wine for Prime Cut which pairs nicely with midwestern beef. You may opt for a Napa Cab - nothing wrong with that choice if you are afraid to branch out. I'll go out on a limb for Zinfandel without any prompting. Beekeeper Zinfandel hails from Sonoma County and will face off against any Cab, anytime. And, people who wear labcoats to work say red wine is not only good with guts, but also good for your gut. As long as you don't drink too much of it. Cheers.

1974's The Conversation examines how the teller tells the tale, and how the listener chooses to hear the information. Hackman plays a nerdy audio guy who listens in on other people's conversations for a living. One conversation reveals a murder plot, and he pulls off the headphones to try and stop it from happening. Of course, when you start really listening, you can notice things you didn't notice before. 

My own career spanned more than a few years working in and around audio. At one radio station, we recorded all phone calls on the request line, in case something happened that we could use on the air. We used birthday wishes, anniversary dedications, and the like. Pretty tame stuff. Then, there was the guy who threatened to come to the station and cut out my heart with a pair of scissors if I didn't play "Free Bird." Hackman's audio guy would love to listen to that one over and over.

I have it on good authority (some guy posting on Instagram) that Hackman liked the Chardonnay of Pouilly-Fuissé. I don't see anything wrong with that. André the Giant liked it, too. Reportedly. Hospices de Beaune makes a good one that starts at more than a Benjamin. Louis Jadot makes a good one for a fraction of the price.

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Blood Of The Vines - Yet More Movies You Never Heard Of

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, another theme without a theme. We throw out the Strunk and White guide book to bring you wine pairings for yet more movies you never heard of.

Pale Flower is a 1964 Japanese film noir, directed by Masahiro Shinoda. The film follows a gangster who meets a woman at a gambling room. She's that girlfriend who is a lot of fun, but is also a dead end street. "Danger, Will Robinson! Run, don't walk!"

Well, our gangster doesn't run, he doesn't even walk. He is attracted by this thrill-seeker, who drags him into her world of ever-increasing risk. Is it fun? You bet it is. Is it advisable? Hell to the no. 

Be forewarned that Pale Flower has plenty of blooms that may upset a viewer. Crime, prison, sex, cold-blooded murder… everything a good film noir needs is there. All we need now is some booze to wash it down.

Grab a bottle of Pale Flowers for Pale Flower. It's a Grenache rosé from Paso Robles' Linne Calodo, pale enough to pass as Provençe.

The 1992 documentary, Baraka, takes us on a trip around the world without any narration or explanation. The visuals carry the load. We go from Big Sur to a coal mine, from the pyramids to a waterfall, from Tiananmen Square to the Vatican. It's a travelogue with just the travel, no logue. The images shown in Baraka are striking enough that words are superfluous. 

Although your inner gangster may opt for whiskey, neat, you are probably adventurous enough to seek out the namesake Croatian wine for Baraka, produced across the Adriatic Sea from Italy.  The Baraka Prisbus Riserva is a Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot blend that's been in the cellar for three years and sports a very conservative label, no pictures.

Our third seldom seen film is from 2002, My Beautiful Girl, Mari. This Korean animation feature tells the story of one boy's summertime and his growth over that span. For me, that pivotal summer was after 6th grade. The sweet object of my affection that year turned up in 7th grade as a street-smart, gum-cracking wiseass. "Time to grow up, Ran. They're leaving you behind." Oh, she was still the object of my affection, only now she was sexy, too.

Mari shows our struggling hero coping with his troubles in a dream world where the sweet don't chew gum and nobody leaves anybody. How nice that must be.

Mari Vineyards is the namesake choice for a wine pairing. Hard to find, it's located in northern Michigan. Harder to understand, they grow Italian grape varieties, like Nebbiolo and Sangiovese, instead of the usual cold-climate stuff. Is this, too, a dreamscape? 

 

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Blood Of The Vines - The Days Of Quine And Roses

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ ‌‌‌‌‌movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌  This week, we pair wines with three worthwhile films from director Richard Quine.

Operation Mad Ball is a military farce from 1957. Quine had some great actors in this film. Jack Lemmon, Ernie Kovacs, Mickey Rooney, Arthur O’Connell, Dick York, James Darren, and an uncredited Mary Tyler Moore in her first screen role. He also had Blake Edwards as a co-writer. 

The film takes place at a U.S. Army hospital in France. A big dance is planned, the titular Mad Ball, in an effort to keep post-WWII morale high. A nosy captain who plays everything strictly by the book does everything he can to screw morale into the ground. Isn't that a captain’s job?

More was made of the army hospital scenario in M*A*S*H, on big screens and small, but perhaps 1957 was "too soon" for a comedy about Korea.

It’s just the right time, however, to pair a Quine movie with a wine that has his name on all over it. Domaine Le Quine is in the exquisite southern Rhône Valley. Their Saint Mark's Cross is a GSM blend, heavy on the Grenache and light on the Syrah, with Mourvèdre in the middle. 

Kim Novak and James Stewart may have been feeling a bit dizzy from Vertigo when they teamed up, again, less than a year later for Bell, Book and Candle. This 1958 romantic comedy is set in Manhattan, during the Christmas season.  Quine spins the story around a subculture of witches there. He also lets Jack Lemmon take off with a bongo solo in the local witch and warlock hangout.

Witches aside, it is a beautifully shot movie and makes a great way to kick off the holiday season, if you don't concentrate too much on the meaning of the title.  A bell, book, and candle are used in excommunication rites, so linking that imagery with the Christmas season may seem a bit Grinchly.

Because of the feline costar of Bell, Book and Candle, Pyewacket became a popular name for cats.  Apparently, cats are closely bonded to witches - chalk up one more reason to be a dog person.  

Carlsbad, California's Witch Creek Winery, is loaded for bear in the cat department. Le Chat Blanc would seem to be the white witch, while Screaming Kitty, their 2008 Proprietary Red blend, features Petite Sirah, Zinfandel and Primitivo. Their Chateau Neuf Du Cat screams sour cherry and a puff of smoke. Let us know if a witch appears when you open the bottle. It sells for $23 and is available only through the winery.

Hotel is the 1967 adaptation of Arthur Hailey’s bestseller. Quine directed with stellar performances from the likes of Rod Taylor, Karl Malden, Kevin McCarthy and Michael Rennie.

There’s a lot going on at the fashionable St. Gregory Hotel. The property is losing money like a degenerate gambler, there's a burglar getting into the guest rooms, the hotel detective is dirty and the elevator is on its last legs. Stir in some sex and corporate intrigue and you have a recipe for a good two hours of entertainment.

Considering all the troubles that arise in the film, it’s no wonder the hotel had a permanently lit “VACANCY” sign out front. One note if your stay there is going well: don't take the elevator.

Wine and hotels go together like wine and cheese. In fact, if your hotel doesn’t have an evening wine tasting hour to remove the edge from a day of complete relaxation, find another travel agent. Temecula’s South Coast Winery even has a spa, and they’re pretty big in the wedding business, too. If you’re okay drinking some f&%$#ing Merlot, they have a nice one for $40. They even show off their terroir with a Tempranillo-Monastrell blend and a Touriga Nacional. Beat that, Napa Valley. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Slices Of Life

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with three films that examine life by the slice.

1959's The Savage Eye is a drama and a documentary rolled into one picture. It examines how a divorced woman lives, set against a backdrop of Los Angeles city scenes. A trio of directors worked on the film during their weekends over a few years. It may have been a clever ruse to avoid taking the kids to Disneyland, but it worked out.

The divorcee isn't so gay. In fact, she finds herself cut off from the world by her failed marriage. Her views of L.A.'s not-so-soft underbelly are not exactly the stuff of which the tourist guides are made. 

Savage Grace is a $35 Malbec from Dineen Vineyard in Washington’s Yakima Valley. They call it Côt instead of Malbec, in the fancy French way. The wine may be the only fancy thing about your viewing of The Savage Eye. 

The 1973 French film, The Mother and the Whore, makes the most of France's nonchalant attitude towards les rapports sexuels, or as we say in the U.S. of A, sex.

A man, his wife, his lover, a lot of sex talk and a ménage à trois. What could go wrong? I'm reminded of the golf joke in which a couple of guys are plodding along behind two women who play slowly. One tells the other to go up ahead and ask if they could play through. The guy comes back and says, "I can't ask them. It's my wife and my girlfriend." The other says, "Okay, I'll go." He returns and says, "Small world, isn't it?" 

That joke may take the long way around a sexual dogleg, but at least it's not as long as the movie's three and a half hours. Of course, who am I to downplay three and a half hours of sexy subtitles?

The easy pairing is Ménage a Trois, but I try not to recommend six dollar wines. Gerard Bertrand makes a $25 Grenache/Syrah/Cinsault rosé called Chou Chou, which is a French term of endearment. By the end of the movie, nobody is calling anybody by a term of endearment, but cheers anyway.

Do the Right Thing is Spike Lee's 1989 slice of a hot and turbulent Brooklyn summer. Lee produced, wrote, directed and acted in the film, er, joint, his third release. There are a few laughs along the movie's two hour length, but don't expect any at the end. The slice of life ends tragically as racial tensions heat up and boil over.

You could crack open a bottle of Absolut Brooklyn, but we do wine pairings here. I think Spike would be okay with me pairing a Pinot Noir from Esterlina Vineyards of Napa Valley. I think this, because he has already paired that $65 bottle with his own films. Esterlina is the largest African-American winery in the country. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Movies About Movies

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with a trio of films about one of our favorite subjects: movies.

If you think making movies is a dream job, 1995's Living in Oblivion is for you. Steve Buscemi stars as an independent filmmaker who fights problem after pitfall after predicament to get his picture completed. It was the film debut for Peter Dinklage, by the way.

Hollywood may be the stuff that dreams are made of, but dreamy, Living in Oblivion is not, even though some of the scenes turn out to be imagined. Nightmarish is probably closer to the truth. 

I think everyone dreams about their job, and it's not always a good dream. During my time in radio, nearly every one of my colleagues has told me of their "radio dream," which usually involves trying to accomplish a complicated feat before the song ends. I'm sure it's the same with accounting, pushing a broom and selling shoes. It's the same with movies, too, according to this film. 

There are hundreds of wineries in Paso Robles, and every damn one of them extols the virtues of Paso's wide temperature swing from day to night. It's what makes the grapes so good. Oblivion Cellars jumps on that bandwagon in describing their Cabernet Sauvignon, which is available in most places for less than $20. Dreamy. 

Let me start by disclosing that Matinee, 1993, was directed by the Chief Guru at Trailers From Hell, Joe Dante. He is the guy who opens the emails containing my little articles each week, laughs his way through them, hopefully, and sends them off to be placed on the website. So, naturally, I think Matinee is the best movie ever made. Ask me about Citizen Kane and I'll tell you, "Well, it’s no Matinee."

Seriously, Matinee is a great movie, dripping with more movie-buff treats than Cheez Whiz on theater nachos. It has a permanent place on the "must watch" list for my wife and me. But as good as Matinee is, who among us didn't want to see a full-length version of Mant!, the movie within the movie. As half-man half-ant movies go, it's either Mant! or Ant-Man, and I'll take Mant! all day long. 

New York state's Fulkerson Winery has a name-check wine for our film. Matinee is a white wine made from the Himrod grape. Yeah, it stumped me, too. Himrod is a hybrid cross of Ontario grapes with seedless Thompsons. It's sweet and special, like Matinee, but it's probably tough to find on the West Coast. 

Day for Night is one of François Truffaut's best films, and it's generally considered one of the best movies ever. The 1973 rom-com not only has a great director behind the camera, it's got Jacqueline Bisset in front of it. Any movie with Jacqueline Bisset in it has a lot going for it already. 

It's about the making of a movie, and all the melodrama that goes along with such a foolhardy endeavor. The title of Day for Night comes from the photographic stunts used to film a scene in daylight when it is supposed to look like night. 

Even as a kid, I could tell when the night scenes in those old B movies had been shot in daylight. I didn't know the tricks of photography that made that happen, but I knew it when I saw it. It was the hallmark of a low-budget film. It was also something I grew to love pointing out when I saw it, to the sorrow of everyone who ever went to the movies with me. "Shut up, know-it-all!"

Commune of Buttons is an Australian winery in the Adelaide Hills. Making my job amazingly easy, they have a rosé called Day For Night. It's made from Syrah and Chardonnay grapes, which is an unusual combination. The winery says it's savory and it pairs well with pickles. I don't know why that made me laugh, and I don't know why anyone would shop for a wine to pair specifically with pickles, but here we have it. It runs about $30, pickles not included.

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Blood Of The Vines - Here Kitty

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we pair wines with catcalls for films featuring feline fur. 

The Cat Man of Paris was Republic Pictures' contribution to the horror of 1946. The story involves an author whose writing is getting him into trouble. We've seen this before, but bear with us. A librarian gets clawed to death, which is not the way it's supposed to go for librarians. The Dewey Decimal System is supposed to be a safe career path.

People start giving the author the side eye for some reason, but they really get nasty when his ex meets the same fate. It's pitchforks and torches time. His current gal pal is given a gun by his friend. I think we can look up "MacGuffin" the next time we are near a dictionary that hasn't been clawed up or spattered with blood. I won't spoil the ending for you, but the gun and the friend who gave it to her end up in the same obituary.

We have to go here with a rosé called La Nuit Tous Les Chats Sont Gris. That translates roughly to "At night, all cats are grey." That may be due to the work of the cold-hearted orb that rules the night, or it may not. But who am I to turn down a rosé that is almost from Provence?

In Cat People, a man marries a woman who is afraid she will become a killer cat if she has sex with her husband. That takes "I've got a headache" to a new level. I'm guessing this wasn't what they meant by a "lady in the parlor, tiger in the bedroom." When I think of cat people, I think of that crazy lady down the street who has about 27 of them living in her one-room apartment. 

I hear that Cat People, the 1942 original, in glorious and shadowy black and white, was shrugged off as a cheap horror flick by critics of the day. Since then, though, they have started calling it a "smart little drama," maybe after a few glasses of wine. Over the years, the film has become a cultural touchstone. It has left its paw prints in the Library of Congress and is even in the New York Museum of Modern Art. Not to mention the references all over the Internet. That's one place where a kitty feels right at home.

Let’s get our claws into a wine pairing for Cat People. Napa's Black Cat Vineyard quotes Mark Twain: "If man would be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat." Meow! Normally, we look for dogs at wineries, but this one went the other way. Their top shelf Cabs run $120, which is also what their bottom shelf Cabs run.

If you want a sequel, here comes 1944's The Curse of the Cat People. Don’t dig in, though. Although several of the characters and actors from Cat People appear, the story is completely detached from the original and cats are all but inconsequential. The film is more like a fairy tale than a horror movie and as TFH guru Joe Dante suggests, it may have been better suited as a Disney production.

The ghost story has a complicated plot and leans heavily on a child and her imaginary friends. I'm not opposed to children, or imaginary friends, but it seems this flick should have had either a different title or a different script. 

Hirsch Vineyards has a Pinot Noir called The Bohan-Dillon, made with grapes grown in western Sonoma County. It's good, I'm told, but what really gets it listed here is the label art featuring a black cat prowling through the tall grass. $45 if you can find it. 

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Blood Of The Vines - David Lynch Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we mourn the loss of another film icon. So far, 2025 really sucks. We have some wine pairings to help you get through it.

Descriptions cannot do 1977's Eraserhead justice. You may not understand it, but you'll sure as hell never forget it. The first full-length film from David Lynch features a weird dude who is almost incapable of behaving like a human. Even weirder is his offspring by the Beautiful Lady Across the Hall. The baby-sized creature makes the most annoying sound one can imagine from a living thing. 

Speaking of sound, the whole movie has white noise growing throughout. When it abruptly ends, the silence is deafening. Lynch's title character gets his name from a sequence in which his disembodied head falls on the street and cracks open. A kid gathers it up, takes it to a pencil factory, and it is made into erasers. 

Back in the Golden Tan Summer of '77, a buddy and I traveled an hour and a half to see Eraserhead at an art house in Houston. We were mystified, but not disappointed, by the movie. If you have never seen Eraserhead, you should strap in and prepare for what may well be the strangest film ever made.

Eraserhead is a term used in vineyards, believe it or not. It describes a bud on a grapevine before it opens. Unfortunately, we don't make wine from eraserheads, we make wine from grapes, preferably good grapes.

Lynch designed the packaging for the 2003 Dom Perignon Brut. It runs close to $300 and often sells only in half-cases. The boxed version reportedly had little velvet curtains that rose by pulling a drawstring on the side. The Lady in the Radiator is extra.

The talk of 1986 was, at least in movies, Lynch's magnum opus of weirdness, Blue Velvet. My close friend Tom took his girlfriend to see it during its opening weekend. He called me on Monday, advising me to see it, while warning me not to take a date. "Don't let the title fool you," he said. "It's not a date movie."

It is a disturbing film, but after seeing Eraserhead, I expected nothing less. Many critics panned Blue Velvet, citing its extreme violence, brutal sexuality, and dreamlike quality. Their views have largely mellowed over the years. Now the film is hailed as a masterpiece. Maybe the critics were inhaling whatever Frank Booth was having. 

Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth is the most unhinged and deranged character of the Hopper pantheon. His psychotic violence and reliance on some sort of gas, which he huffs from an oxygen mask, are both horrifying and spellbinding. If you think to yourself, "Hey, I once knew a guy like that," you are lucky to still be alive. 

Kyle MacLachlan, who played Jeffrey Beaumont in Blue Velvet, owns a Washington state winery called Pursued By Bear. Their 2021 Cabernet Sauvignon is a fine accompaniment for the film. It sells for $70. You won't find it on the wine list at This Is It, but you won't find a wine list there, either. Just order a Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!

In 1980, The Elephant Man brought Lynch to commercial and artistic success. The story of Joseph Merrick, a severely disfigured man in 19th century London, was critically acclaimed and a big hit at the box office. The film garnered a heap of Oscar nominations, notably for Best Picture and Best Actor for John Hurt. However, no wins resulted.

At the time, the line, "I am not an animal. I am a human being," became a part of pop culture. Mostly used by ignorant people trying to be funny, the phrase was often spoken in tortured bellowing, cheaply imitating Hurt's incredibly moving performance.

The movie was actually produced by Mel Brooks, whose name did not appear in the credits for fear movie-goers would expect a comedy.

New Zealand's Elephant Hill winery sells a red blend for $150. It's called Hieronymus, which means it will also pair if you're eyeballing some Dutch masterworks, or binge watching Bosch again. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Michael Schlesinger Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we remember a guy who was hard to forget. We have wine pairings, too, for the inevitable toasts to his name.

The late film exec and TFH guru Michael Schlesinger was a connoisseur of fine film. The 1963 madcap comedy, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, was one of his favorites. It stars Spencer Tracy, backed up by an all-star cast featuring Edie Adams, Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett, Ethel Merman, Dorothy Provine, (lemme catch my breath), Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Phil Silvers, (did I say Dorothy Provine?), Terry-Thomas, Jonathan Winters and about 200 other notables in cameos.  Mr. Winters was enough to grab me as I was already a huge fan by the tender age of eight years. This movie puts the mad in madcap, the screw in screwball, the slap in slapstick and the road in road comedy. To be precise, it puts four mads in madcap. 

The characters all scramble to be the first to discover the hiding place of $350,000 in stolen cash.  Jimmy Durante spills the beans about the money before dropping dead.  For his "the gold...it’s in the…" moment, Durante tells the assembled mob only that the treasure is under a big W. Let the money madness begin. 

Director Stanley Kramer was reportedly none too happy about the studio ripping out footage like a drywall demo team. Apparently nobody told him that Hollywood didn't need any three-hour comedies. Even with more than a half an hour of celluloid on the cutting room floor, the movie still ran 161 minutes. To quote Robert Vaughn from Blake Edwards’ S.O.B., "That's too long."

Nowadays the movie runs well over three hours. For some people, that's a lot of Terry-Thomas. So, just open three bottles of wine to get through the viewing. Try Madcap, a red blend from British Columbia's Okanagan Valley. The winery, Fairview Cellars, is described as being "on the Reed Creek alluvial Fan at the North end of the Benches of the Golden Mile." I think there may be too many capital letters there, but that's how they wrote it.

2015's The Adventures of Biffle and Shooster uses the comedy team of Laurel and Hardy as a touchstone, right down to the ill-fitting suits and schemes you just know are never going to work. Benny Biffle and Sam Shooster (Nick Santa Maria and Will Ryan) are a vaudeville duo who supposedly ran afoul of Hal Roach's good graces over their copycat film shorts. These efforts are set in 1930s black and white, with jokes that seem about that fresh.

It's all done in great fun, however. The handful of shorts are directed and written by Schlesinger with the love of a true cinephile, not the snarky snickers of someone who doesn't get the source material to begin with.

If you consider Biffle and Shooster a knockoff of Laurel and Hardy, how about a Knockoff Chardonnay from Replica Wines? They say they reverse-engineer their winemaking to imitate the qualities of other, high-priced, wines. Don't know who their sights were set on with the $16 2018 Knockoff Chardonnay, but they say it has a buttery kick to it.

1937's Sh! the Octopus was another Schlesinger fave. The movie is as weird as the title. Warner Brothers mainstays Hugh Herbert and Allen Jenkins serve as the sort of detectives you would expect to find in a '30s comedy-mystery set in a lighthouse and featuring a giant octopus. If, indeed, you have any expectations that fit those parameters. 

This movie proves that every now and then, we need a wine with an octopus on the label. Extra points if it's a really great wine. Holus Bolus to the rescue. The Santa Barbara County artisan outfit has a mollusk on its Grenache, Syrah, and my beloved Bien Nacido Vineyard Roussanne, all for $40 each. I'd suggest an eight-pack. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Monsieur Auteur Jerry

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we deal with wine pairings for three films featuring le roi de la comédie, Jerry Lewis. 

The two faces of Jerry Lewis. There is the lovable loon, the frantic, crazy clown who put a drinking glass inside his distended lips for a laugh. Then there is the smug, super serious Rat Pack wannabe who called for the tote board update once an hour during Labor Day weekends for so many years. If you knew him only through his movies, you probably knew him as the funny clown. If you had ever met him personally, it was likely the sad clown you remembered.  

I saw Jerry Lewis do a one-man show at an off-strip hotel in Las Vegas. It was one of the better live performances I ever attended. The typewriter bit made it worth the money, er, the player's card points.

One More Time did not star Lewis, but he directed it. The 1970 feature found Jerry in his auteur phase, during which he sported a beard. The facial hair did make him look more like a director, but it wasn't funny, so eventually it had to go. He brought it back in his gray years, and it actually looked kinda funny then.

Rat Packers Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford reprise their roles as Salt and Pepper, respectively. Pepper goes to his twin brother, seeking a loan to keep a nightclub in business. Bro declines to front the money, but when he turns up murdered, Pepper takes his brother's identity and becomes wealthy. He also becomes the target of the mobsters who were his associates. The pair then takes on the job of trying to send the bad guys to prison. 

It's not the laugh riot that may have been expected from Lewis fans. That may be why it's the only film Jerry directed in which he did not star. Or vice versa. 

Let's go to Portugal for a wine called MOB. Specifically, it's M.O.B., for the collaborative winemakers Moreira, Olazabal, and Borges. Their M.O.B. Senna White is made from grapes called Encruzado and Bical. I've never heard of them, either, but it'll cost you about $25 to find out what they taste like. Call this one Salt, and the matching red wine Pepper. 

Back in 1961, Lewis helmed and starred in The Ladies Man. Lewis fans will know this film as the origin of what became a Jerry Lewis calling card, his adenoidal yell of "Hey laaady!"

He plays a dweeb who gives up women after losing his girlfriend. I guess he figured there wasn't much more to lose. He takes a job at a boarding house, only to discover that it is populated entirely by females. Wouldn't ya just know it? The sad clown gives way to the funny clown in one misadventure after another. Even those who don't care much for the Lewis brand of comedy say that this is one of his best films. 

Langman Estate has a bottle of old vine Zinfandel from the Sierra Foothills, called Herbert Ranch. I'd love to say it was named for Lewis' Ladies Man character, Herbert Heebert. More likely, it was named for the guy who owns the vineyard. 50 bucks, and it's in limited supply.

In The Patsy, from 1964, Lewis plays a bellhop who finds himself recruited to take the place of a star who just died in a plane crash. Why the dead star's managers decide to groom a talentless bellhop as their new gravy train is left as a mystery. You see this coming, right? His appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show is a smashing success. He is Rupert Pupkin, without the kidnapping, a schmuck who is elevated to star status. Perhaps the scenario presages the rise of reality television, in which schmucks attain star status on a weekly basis. 

There is supposed to be a Schmuck Winery in Franken, Germany and a 5 Schmucks Winery on the outskirts of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, but neither are very accessible. Apparently, they weren't very good, either.  After spending way too much time down the "Schmuck wine" rabbit hole, I came to my senses. 

The Rat Pack supposedly enjoyed J&B Rare Scotch whisky. At least that's what Artificial Intelligence tells me, then just stands there with a casual "what?" on its digital lips. Chivas Regal and Jack Daniels get mentioned, thanks to Sinatra. Hey, if Sinatra was drinking it, weren't they all? "We'll have whatever Frank's having."

Australia's Minim Winery gives us a wine called Patsy, which sounds like as good a choice as any. A white blend of Fiano and Vermentino, Patsy runs about $30. It sounds like a good wine for summers on the coast, or for toasting your recently achieved schmuckhood. 

Blood Of The Vines - Nature Gone Mad

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we get back to a little good ol' fashioned horror, with some, hopefully, not-so-horrible wine pairings for our three films.

If you’re looking for a hotbed of horror, 1984 is probably a good year in which to start, with movies like The Terminator, Bloodsuckers from Outer Space, and C.H.U.D. That last one features a split-level universe, where nuclear survivors live either above or below ground.

In 1984's Rats--Night of Terror, the war survivors do the same thing, living underground in safety or above ground in danger. Fallout, anyone? A group of the less fortunate come across an old research lab. Unbeknownst to them, the lab rats now run the place.

As you might expect, the group is picked off and killed, one by painful one. The rats are relentless, four-legged, pointy-nosed zombies with an appetite for anything that walks into town. Get that popcorn ready!

Curiously, no one tried to make friends with the rats and sing a love song to them, as in Ben from 1972. By the way, if anyone has a story about what made Michael Jackson agree to sing that film's theme song, I'd love to hear it. I know he was just coming out of his Jackson Five stage, but he was apparently old enough then to be making his own decisions. Big number one hit, sure. Can't argue with success. But the derision follows it to this day. 

Sage Rat Winery in Washington's Yakima Valley worked with Sonder of Rattlesnake Hills for their Carbonic Nebbiolo. It's a light-bodied red or a dark rosé, take your pick. It's only $24, so pick a few. 

Steven Spielberg put Peter Benchley's book, "Jaws," to celluloid in 1975. Robert Shaw plays a professional shark hunter, which has to look odd in the "occupation" blank on the tax returns every year. It has to be a tough way to make a living, too. Think how many shark-tooth necklaces you have to sell just to pay the note on your boat. By the way, you'll need a bigger boat. Shaw reportedly didn't like the book and wanted to pass on the role of Quint. His wife and secretary convinced him otherwise, as they did with From Russia With Love.

Jaws caused more changes to vacation plans that year than a Hawaii hurricane. As a kid, I witnessed my neighbor suffering a sting from a Portuguese man o' war. There are things out there that can hurt you. Since then, my beach excursions have ventured no closer to the water than the nearest seaside bar.

In Jaws, Quint chugs and crushes a Narragansett beer, a feat that was tougher in '75 than it is now because today's Narragansett cans are 40% lighter.  As for wine, Roy Schneider's police chief is seen drinking Barton and Guestier Beaujolais by the tumbler. I'll use a wine glass, thanks. It's a $20 bottle. 

Poultrygeist, subtitled as The Night of the Chicken Dead, takes nothing seriously, so neither will we. The topic here is chickens. Chickens that turn the table on man and scratch out a sign in the dirt saying, "Eat Mor Peepul."

As in Poultergeist, this movie involves the invasion of a sacred burial ground. The trouble starts when a fast food franchise moves in on the memorialized dead.  What erupts afterward (and erupts is the right word) is nothing for the squeamish.  If you really are having coq au vin with this film, you've got a stronger constitution that I have, and that's saying a lot.

Lloyd Kaufman, the man behind the movie, says if there's a more graphic depiction of explosive diarrhea than the one in this film, even he doesn't want to see it.  The sight of big chickens exacting their revenge on the employees of this eatery is played for the bloodiest kind of humor.  It's like a chicken dinner in reverse, with the meat served very rare.  

Pairing wine with chicken is easy.  There are hundreds of apps available for the purpose of food and wine pairing. The Rolling Stones might have sung that pairings, in a more digital environment, are just a click away. Or, in this case, just a cluck away.  

Rex Goliath Wines are represented by a big ol' fightin' rooster on the label. The wines are all sourced from that exclusive appellation known as "California," which is located just west of "the rest of the world."  You won't be branded a wine snob when you plop a magnum of Rex Goliath down on the coffee table.  Best of all, it's really cheep. Er, cheap.

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