Blood Of The Vines - David Lynch Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell. This week, we mourn the loss of another film icon. So far, 2025 really sucks. We have some wine pairings to help you get through it.

Descriptions cannot do 1977's Eraserhead justice. You may not understand it, but you'll sure as hell never forget it. The first full-length film from David Lynch features a weird dude who is almost incapable of behaving like a human. Even weirder is his offspring by the Beautiful Lady Across the Hall. The baby-sized creature makes the most annoying sound one can imagine from a living thing. 

Speaking of sound, the whole movie has white noise growing throughout. When it abruptly ends, the silence is deafening. Lynch's title character gets his name from a sequence in which his disembodied head falls on the street and cracks open. A kid gathers it up, takes it to a pencil factory, and it is made into erasers. 

Back in the Golden Tan Summer of '77, a buddy and I traveled an hour and a half to see Eraserhead at an art house in Houston. We were mystified, but not disappointed, by the movie. If you have never seen Eraserhead, you should strap in and prepare for what may well be the strangest film ever made.

Eraserhead is a term used in vineyards, believe it or not. It describes a bud on a grapevine before it opens. Unfortunately, we don't make wine from eraserheads, we make wine from grapes, preferably good grapes.

Lynch designed the packaging for the 2003 Dom Perignon Brut. It runs close to $300 and often sells only in half-cases. The boxed version reportedly had little velvet curtains that rose by pulling a drawstring on the side. The Lady in the Radiator is extra.

The talk of 1986 was, at least in movies, Lynch's magnum opus of weirdness, Blue Velvet. My close friend Tom took his girlfriend to see it during its opening weekend. He called me on Monday, advising me to see it, while warning me not to take a date. "Don't let the title fool you," he said. "It's not a date movie."

It is a disturbing film, but after seeing Eraserhead, I expected nothing less. Many critics panned Blue Velvet, citing its extreme violence, brutal sexuality, and dreamlike quality. Their views have largely mellowed over the years. Now the film is hailed as a masterpiece. Maybe the critics were inhaling whatever Frank Booth was having. 

Dennis Hopper's Frank Booth is the most unhinged and deranged character of the Hopper pantheon. His psychotic violence and reliance on some sort of gas, which he huffs from an oxygen mask, are both horrifying and spellbinding. If you think to yourself, "Hey, I once knew a guy like that," you are lucky to still be alive. 

Kyle MacLachlan, who played Jeffrey Beaumont in Blue Velvet, owns a Washington state winery called Pursued By Bear. Their 2021 Cabernet Sauvignon is a fine accompaniment for the film. It sells for $70. You won't find it on the wine list at This Is It, but you won't find a wine list there, either. Just order a Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!

In 1980, The Elephant Man brought Lynch to commercial and artistic success. The story of Joseph Merrick, a severely disfigured man in 19th century London, was critically acclaimed and a big hit at the box office. The film garnered a heap of Oscar nominations, notably for Best Picture and Best Actor for John Hurt. However, no wins resulted.

At the time, the line, "I am not an animal. I am a human being," became a part of pop culture. Mostly used by ignorant people trying to be funny, the phrase was often spoken in tortured bellowing, cheaply imitating Hurt's incredibly moving performance.

The movie was actually produced by Mel Brooks, whose name did not appear in the credits for fear movie-goers would expect a comedy.

New Zealand's Elephant Hill winery sells a red blend for $150. It's called Hieronymus, which means it will also pair if you're eyeballing some Dutch masterworks, or binge watching Bosch again. 

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A Bargain Wine That Misses The Mark

I went hunting for wine bargains at Trader Joe's again recently, a visit that usually produces pleasant results. This time, I came home with a wine that sported a pretty bottle with ugly juice inside. 

The 2023 Satis Dei Syrah Garnacha from the Exclusive Art Collection had me hoping high. I love Spanish wines in general, and Garnacha in particular. Satis Dei was made from 55% Syrah grapes and 45% Garnacha, grown in the IGP Tierra de Castilla region. The wine spent six months in French and American oak barrels. Alcohol hits 14% abv and it costs around $9 at TJ's.

That pretty label to which I alluded features a miniature version of an abstract work by Argentine artist Mauricio Lencina, Illogical Forms #2. The winery says the piece helps us understand "the voluptuousness of the wine." Having it mounted on a stave of oak would further illustrate the palate. 

This wine is dark purple/garnet in the glass. The nose offers up considerable black fruit, such as blackberries, plums, and blackcurrant. It also offers up considerable oak effect, even though the wine's exposure to wood was minimal. The oak comes through heavily on the palate as well, obscuring some nice dark fruit flavors. The artwork on the label is nice, but the artwork inside the bottle can't live up to it. 

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Chardonnay From Mexico

L.A. Cetto winery is in Mexico's Baja California, in the Valle de Guadalupe wine region. They have been named as the top winery in Mexico seven times by the New York International Wine Competition.

The winery's history covers seven generations of Italian winemaking tradition. In 1924, Angelo Cetto came from Italy to Mexico, creating Bodegas Cetto in 1928. Luis Agustín Cetto led the way, then his son Luis Alberto Cetto, and today the seventh generation is carrying on the family legacy.

The 2022 L.A. Cetto Estate Bottled Chardonnay has alcohol at 13% abv and sells regularly for $16. I paid $5 at a sale run by Pavilions Market.

This wine is yellow-gold in the glass. Aromas of apple, apricot and mango are tinged with a bit of funky earthiness. The palate shows ripe fruit and oak effect which are nicely balanced. The mouthfeel is lush and creamy, and acidity is in the medium range. The aftertaste leaves apple and citrus notes. Salad is an easy pairing, but I'd love it with a creamy risotto. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Michael Schlesinger Week

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we remember a guy who was hard to forget. We have wine pairings, too, for the inevitable toasts to his name.

The late film exec and TFH guru Michael Schlesinger was a connoisseur of fine film. The 1963 madcap comedy, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, was one of his favorites. It stars Spencer Tracy, backed up by an all-star cast featuring Edie Adams, Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett, Ethel Merman, Dorothy Provine, (lemme catch my breath), Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Phil Silvers, (did I say Dorothy Provine?), Terry-Thomas, Jonathan Winters and about 200 other notables in cameos.  Mr. Winters was enough to grab me as I was already a huge fan by the tender age of eight years. This movie puts the mad in madcap, the screw in screwball, the slap in slapstick and the road in road comedy. To be precise, it puts four mads in madcap. 

The characters all scramble to be the first to discover the hiding place of $350,000 in stolen cash.  Jimmy Durante spills the beans about the money before dropping dead.  For his "the gold...it’s in the…" moment, Durante tells the assembled mob only that the treasure is under a big W. Let the money madness begin. 

Director Stanley Kramer was reportedly none too happy about the studio ripping out footage like a drywall demo team. Apparently nobody told him that Hollywood didn't need any three-hour comedies. Even with more than a half an hour of celluloid on the cutting room floor, the movie still ran 161 minutes. To quote Robert Vaughn from Blake Edwards’ S.O.B., "That's too long."

Nowadays the movie runs well over three hours. For some people, that's a lot of Terry-Thomas. So, just open three bottles of wine to get through the viewing. Try Madcap, a red blend from British Columbia's Okanagan Valley. The winery, Fairview Cellars, is described as being "on the Reed Creek alluvial Fan at the North end of the Benches of the Golden Mile." I think there may be too many capital letters there, but that's how they wrote it.

2015's The Adventures of Biffle and Shooster uses the comedy team of Laurel and Hardy as a touchstone, right down to the ill-fitting suits and schemes you just know are never going to work. Benny Biffle and Sam Shooster (Nick Santa Maria and Will Ryan) are a vaudeville duo who supposedly ran afoul of Hal Roach's good graces over their copycat film shorts. These efforts are set in 1930s black and white, with jokes that seem about that fresh.

It's all done in great fun, however. The handful of shorts are directed and written by Schlesinger with the love of a true cinephile, not the snarky snickers of someone who doesn't get the source material to begin with.

If you consider Biffle and Shooster a knockoff of Laurel and Hardy, how about a Knockoff Chardonnay from Replica Wines? They say they reverse-engineer their winemaking to imitate the qualities of other, high-priced, wines. Don't know who their sights were set on with the $16 2018 Knockoff Chardonnay, but they say it has a buttery kick to it.

1937's Sh! the Octopus was another Schlesinger fave. The movie is as weird as the title. Warner Brothers mainstays Hugh Herbert and Allen Jenkins serve as the sort of detectives you would expect to find in a '30s comedy-mystery set in a lighthouse and featuring a giant octopus. If, indeed, you have any expectations that fit those parameters. 

This movie proves that every now and then, we need a wine with an octopus on the label. Extra points if it's a really great wine. Holus Bolus to the rescue. The Santa Barbara County artisan outfit has a mollusk on its Grenache, Syrah, and my beloved Bien Nacido Vineyard Roussanne, all for $40 each. I'd suggest an eight-pack. 

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Picpoul De Pinet At A Bargain

The 2023 Moulin de Gassac Picpoul de Pinet was made from Picpoul grapes grown in the AOP Picpoul de Pinet, in the Languedoc region in the south of France. Alcohol sits at 12.5% abv and the wine costs less than $10 at Trader Joe's.

This wine is golden colored in the glass. The nose is loaded with fruit. I find peach, pear, apple, and mango in the aroma profile, along with a hint of minerality and citrus. The palate is refreshingly acidic and shows apple, pear, lemon and lime flavors. I paired it with a ham and provolone sandwich and was glad I did. If you have some shrimp or crab that’s not doing anything, that should work even better. 

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Bargain Hunting For Wine At Trader Joe's - Rosé

I'm always on the lookout for wine bargains at Trader Joe's. They nearly always have a great selection of wines that are mostly dependable in quality. I spied a rosé there named La Carayon Rose. It was made in the Languedoc-Roussillon region in the south of France. 

This wine is a pale salmon in the glass, so I expected a Provencal pinkie. The nose and palate are a bit more forceful than I find in rosés from Provence. Aromas of strawberries and cherries are joined by a significant whiff of citrus minerality. The flavors are fruit forward and the acidity is brisk, if not racy. The minerals last longest on the finish. I would pair it easily with a pasta salad or chicken salad sandwich.  

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Blood Of The Vines - Monsieur Auteur Jerry

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we deal with wine pairings for three films featuring le roi de la comédie, Jerry Lewis. 

The two faces of Jerry Lewis. There is the lovable loon, the frantic, crazy clown who put a drinking glass inside his distended lips for a laugh. Then there is the smug, super serious Rat Pack wannabe who called for the tote board update once an hour during Labor Day weekends for so many years. If you knew him only through his movies, you probably knew him as the funny clown. If you had ever met him personally, it was likely the sad clown you remembered.  

I saw Jerry Lewis do a one-man show at an off-strip hotel in Las Vegas. It was one of the better live performances I ever attended. The typewriter bit made it worth the money, er, the player's card points.

One More Time did not star Lewis, but he directed it. The 1970 feature found Jerry in his auteur phase, during which he sported a beard. The facial hair did make him look more like a director, but it wasn't funny, so eventually it had to go. He brought it back in his gray years, and it actually looked kinda funny then.

Rat Packers Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford reprise their roles as Salt and Pepper, respectively. Pepper goes to his twin brother, seeking a loan to keep a nightclub in business. Bro declines to front the money, but when he turns up murdered, Pepper takes his brother's identity and becomes wealthy. He also becomes the target of the mobsters who were his associates. The pair then takes on the job of trying to send the bad guys to prison. 

It's not the laugh riot that may have been expected from Lewis fans. That may be why it's the only film Jerry directed in which he did not star. Or vice versa. 

Let's go to Portugal for a wine called MOB. Specifically, it's M.O.B., for the collaborative winemakers Moreira, Olazabal, and Borges. Their M.O.B. Senna White is made from grapes called Encruzado and Bical. I've never heard of them, either, but it'll cost you about $25 to find out what they taste like. Call this one Salt, and the matching red wine Pepper. 

Back in 1961, Lewis helmed and starred in The Ladies Man. Lewis fans will know this film as the origin of what became a Jerry Lewis calling card, his adenoidal yell of "Hey laaady!"

He plays a dweeb who gives up women after losing his girlfriend. I guess he figured there wasn't much more to lose. He takes a job at a boarding house, only to discover that it is populated entirely by females. Wouldn't ya just know it? The sad clown gives way to the funny clown in one misadventure after another. Even those who don't care much for the Lewis brand of comedy say that this is one of his best films. 

Langman Estate has a bottle of old vine Zinfandel from the Sierra Foothills, called Herbert Ranch. I'd love to say it was named for Lewis' Ladies Man character, Herbert Heebert. More likely, it was named for the guy who owns the vineyard. 50 bucks, and it's in limited supply.

In The Patsy, from 1964, Lewis plays a bellhop who finds himself recruited to take the place of a star who just died in a plane crash. Why the dead star's managers decide to groom a talentless bellhop as their new gravy train is left as a mystery. You see this coming, right? His appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show is a smashing success. He is Rupert Pupkin, without the kidnapping, a schmuck who is elevated to star status. Perhaps the scenario presages the rise of reality television, in which schmucks attain star status on a weekly basis. 

There is supposed to be a Schmuck Winery in Franken, Germany and a 5 Schmucks Winery on the outskirts of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, but neither are very accessible. Apparently, they weren't very good, either.  After spending way too much time down the "Schmuck wine" rabbit hole, I came to my senses. 

The Rat Pack supposedly enjoyed J&B Rare Scotch whisky. At least that's what Artificial Intelligence tells me, then just stands there with a casual "what?" on its digital lips. Chivas Regal and Jack Daniels get mentioned, thanks to Sinatra. Hey, if Sinatra was drinking it, weren't they all? "We'll have whatever Frank's having."

Australia's Minim Winery gives us a wine called Patsy, which sounds like as good a choice as any. A white blend of Fiano and Vermentino, Patsy runs about $30. It sounds like a good wine for summers on the coast, or for toasting your recently achieved schmuckhood. 

Bargain Hunting For Wine At Trader Joe's: Viognier

Here is a tribute wine which tips its cork, not to an actor, or an athlete, or a rock band. The honoree of the 2022 NDP Viognier is Notre Dame de Paris cathedral. This wine is a Pays d'Oc selection from Latitude Wines. 

The grapes in NDP are from the south of France. I apologize for not knowing more about the wine, but its info is a bit hard to come by on the internet. Alcohol is quite restrained at 13% abv and the bottle cost less than $10 at Trader Joe's.

This wine is golden in the glass. Its nose smells of honeysuckle, lemon, and lime, with a savory streak running through it all. The palate offers the fruit, followed by salinity and minerality. Acidity is pleasant, if not ripping, and a nutty flavor appears on the finish. 

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Bargain Hunting For Wine At Trader Joe's

Here is another attempt at finding a bargain wine at Trader Joe's. That's really an easy task. So many of the wines they carry, especially the ones with a TJ branded label, are really underpriced and carry quite a bit of value. 

The 2023 Phigment Red Wine Blend has precious little information to offer on the label, and even less online. No grapes are specified, so you can do some blind tasting with no way to find out if your guesses are right.

The winery gives Lodi as its home base, so we could guess that Zinfandel, Petite Sirah, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon might be involved. The wine's alcohol level is given at 13.5% abv and it sells for less than $10 at Trader Joe's.

This wine is dark purple in the glass. It smells of cassis, blueberries and plums. The palate shows dark fruit and oak spice. The tannins are moderate and the acidity is refreshing. The finish is rather short but pleasantly fruity. I cooked with it, to good effect. I also sipped it while cooking, which was also satisfying. 

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Blood Of The Vines - Nature Gone Mad

Pairing wine with movies!  See the trailers and hear the fascinating commentary for these movies and many more at Trailers From Hell.  This week, we get back to a little good ol' fashioned horror, with some, hopefully, not-so-horrible wine pairings for our three films.

If you’re looking for a hotbed of horror, 1984 is probably a good year in which to start, with movies like The Terminator, Bloodsuckers from Outer Space, and C.H.U.D. That last one features a split-level universe, where nuclear survivors live either above or below ground.

In 1984's Rats--Night of Terror, the war survivors do the same thing, living underground in safety or above ground in danger. Fallout, anyone? A group of the less fortunate come across an old research lab. Unbeknownst to them, the lab rats now run the place.

As you might expect, the group is picked off and killed, one by painful one. The rats are relentless, four-legged, pointy-nosed zombies with an appetite for anything that walks into town. Get that popcorn ready!

Curiously, no one tried to make friends with the rats and sing a love song to them, as in Ben from 1972. By the way, if anyone has a story about what made Michael Jackson agree to sing that film's theme song, I'd love to hear it. I know he was just coming out of his Jackson Five stage, but he was apparently old enough then to be making his own decisions. Big number one hit, sure. Can't argue with success. But the derision follows it to this day. 

Sage Rat Winery in Washington's Yakima Valley worked with Sonder of Rattlesnake Hills for their Carbonic Nebbiolo. It's a light-bodied red or a dark rosé, take your pick. It's only $24, so pick a few. 

Steven Spielberg put Peter Benchley's book, "Jaws," to celluloid in 1975. Robert Shaw plays a professional shark hunter, which has to look odd in the "occupation" blank on the tax returns every year. It has to be a tough way to make a living, too. Think how many shark-tooth necklaces you have to sell just to pay the note on your boat. By the way, you'll need a bigger boat. Shaw reportedly didn't like the book and wanted to pass on the role of Quint. His wife and secretary convinced him otherwise, as they did with From Russia With Love.

Jaws caused more changes to vacation plans that year than a Hawaii hurricane. As a kid, I witnessed my neighbor suffering a sting from a Portuguese man o' war. There are things out there that can hurt you. Since then, my beach excursions have ventured no closer to the water than the nearest seaside bar.

In Jaws, Quint chugs and crushes a Narragansett beer, a feat that was tougher in '75 than it is now because today's Narragansett cans are 40% lighter.  As for wine, Roy Schneider's police chief is seen drinking Barton and Guestier Beaujolais by the tumbler. I'll use a wine glass, thanks. It's a $20 bottle. 

Poultrygeist, subtitled as The Night of the Chicken Dead, takes nothing seriously, so neither will we. The topic here is chickens. Chickens that turn the table on man and scratch out a sign in the dirt saying, "Eat Mor Peepul."

As in Poultergeist, this movie involves the invasion of a sacred burial ground. The trouble starts when a fast food franchise moves in on the memorialized dead.  What erupts afterward (and erupts is the right word) is nothing for the squeamish.  If you really are having coq au vin with this film, you've got a stronger constitution that I have, and that's saying a lot.

Lloyd Kaufman, the man behind the movie, says if there's a more graphic depiction of explosive diarrhea than the one in this film, even he doesn't want to see it.  The sight of big chickens exacting their revenge on the employees of this eatery is played for the bloodiest kind of humor.  It's like a chicken dinner in reverse, with the meat served very rare.  

Pairing wine with chicken is easy.  There are hundreds of apps available for the purpose of food and wine pairing. The Rolling Stones might have sung that pairings, in a more digital environment, are just a click away. Or, in this case, just a cluck away.  

Rex Goliath Wines are represented by a big ol' fightin' rooster on the label. The wines are all sourced from that exclusive appellation known as "California," which is located just west of "the rest of the world."  You won't be branded a wine snob when you plop a magnum of Rex Goliath down on the coffee table.  Best of all, it's really cheep. Er, cheap.

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Why I Love To Buy Wine From Eataly - Alois Lageder Schiava

A recent visit to Eataly in Los Angeles resulted in a few great Italian wines following me home. For me, it is about the experience with wine. 

The 2023 Alois Lageder Schiava is made with organic grapes grown in the Alto Adige DOC in northern Italy. The Schiava grape is known in German as Vernatsch, but my bottle was labeled simply as Schiava. The grape is native to Italy and has been important in the red wines of Alto Adige.

These grapes grew from the limestone influenced soil of vineyard sites in Caldaro and Cordaccia. The wine was vinified in steel and concrete over about six months. Alcohol sits comfortably at 11.5% abv and the retail price is around $19.

This wine pours up in a  medium-dark ruby color, with some rosy lavender hints around the rim. The nose hit me as almost unpleasantly funky. And I like funk. There is an extremely earthy quality to the smell, almost burying the dark fruit. The mouthfeel is a bit thin, and the palate shows flavors of plum, black currant and blackberry. Notes of cola become more noticeable on the finish, putting me in mind of a Pinot Noir. It is a clean, fresh sip, with no oak to get in the way. The tannins are tame, so pairing with chicken is probably a better idea than beef. 

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