Blood Of The Vines: Bedazzled

Wine Goes to the Movies 

with Now And Zin and Trailers From Hell

Bedazzle: 1. To dazzle completely so as to make blind.  2. To cleverly outwit

Enough wine can make you blind drunk, and you may, in that circumstance, find yourself cleverly outwitted.  "Dude, where's my car" is a question I have received over the phone on at least a couple of mornings after.

“Bedazzled” shows how easily we mortals can be taken in by someone who promises to give us what we want.  Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - the Moët et Chandon of British comedy - make this film bubble over with their unique comic sparkle.

Peter Cook wears the devil's red socks - not wine red, unfortunately, but brimstone red - while Dudley Moore is the devil's workshop. He just wants to do well with the ladies, and he trusts a guy in a cape to get him there.  Raquel Welch is - what else - Lust.  Any movie featuring this much of Raquel Welch gets extras on my 100 point scale.  The seven deadly sins are looking pretty good from this angle.

Organized religion has tagged drinking as a sin, although it’s not on the list of seven.  Drinking too much may be considered gluttony, and then you’re in trouble.  Proud of your low blue flame?  That’s a no-no.  Envious of your neighbor’s 1995 Château Margaux?  Nix.  Mean drunk?  Wrath is bad, too.  You can get into trouble with any endeavor.  Keep yourself in between the extremes and you should be alright.

Don’t confuse “Bedazzled” with the remake starring Brendan Fraser.  It's nothing of the sort.  TFH guru Josh Olsen says the 1967 original is one of the three films that define a '60s that never was.  Without “Bedazzled,” “The President's Analyst” and “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls,” says Olsen, “you have no Austin Powers."  I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good or bad thing.  A any rate, his advice to see the "Lennon and McCartney of British comedy" in action should be taken.  Laughter is not one of the seven deadlies.

Bedazzling Wines:

7 Deadly Zins is a Lodi Zinfandel blend that’s spicy, sexy and full-bodied - definitely worth one of your seven wishes.

Casillero del Diablo Reserva Privada - A blend of Cabernet Sauvignon and Syrah from “the Devil’s cellar.”

Juliette's Dazzle Rosé - A pink wine made from Pinot Grigio!

Kiss The Devil Wine - Wine made from chili peppers.  No way it’s that hot?  Yes, way.

Deviled ham - Ham, hot sauce and cayenne pepper all rolled into a tin can that sits on a shelf for five years before you buy it.  How do I not have some of that in front of me right now?

Bedazzled Wine Glasses - Maybe I'll get some of these for the next wine party I throw in my RV.

Bedazzled Wine Bottle Wraps - OMG.  It’s the work of the devil.


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Blood Of The Vines: The Last Waltz

Wine Goes to the Movies with 

Now And Zin and Trailers From Hell

“This article should be read (a)loud”

It probably won’t be long before there will be sommeliers at rock concerts, if there aren’t already.  I don’t go to many concerts, so there may well be someone behind the concession stands these days curating the rock and roll wines - someone to help guide you to just the right crappy Chardonnay to hold in the hand that doesn’t have your Bic lighter in it.  Or the iPhone Bic lighter app, anyway.

TFH guru Allan Arkush tells the story about how he worked at the Fillmore East in his college days at NYU.  He made it possible for one of his professors - one Martin Scorsese - to see The Band at the Fillmore.  The rest, as they say, is rock and roll cinema history.

“The Last Waltz” isn’t just a concert movie, of course. Martin Scorsese would need more up his sleeve than that. It’s a document, a testimony, a farewell.  It completes a circle that started at the Fillmore, watching perhaps the greatest American rock band, with free tickets, in 1970.  It's no Freixenet commercial, but it's close enough for rock and roll.

The 1976 concert at Winterland was staged as a big sendoff to The Band, who were breaking up, with Robbie Robertson’s departure.  Robertson’s value as a songwriter I won’t question, but I understand that it was not uncommon for his microphone to be turned off during performances.  If only they could have managed that for Neil Diamond.

Robertson’s curious fascination with Neil Diamond surfaced in 1976, and Diamond appeared at The Last Waltz concert.  Levon Helm, for one, was critical of Diamond’s presence on the stage.  I have read that Helm and Bob Dylan had an amusing backstage conversation as Diamond was finishing his song.  Diamond was apparently the butt of a Dylan joke in which he explained to Helm that in order to properly follow Diamond, he’d have to fall asleep onstage.  I'd have given a magnum of anything Coppola makes to have been privy to that.

Much has been made of the cocaine booger on Neil Young’s nose.  It got bigger each time the story was told.  It has since been removed from the film, but now, instead of looking for the booger, people look for where the booger used to be.

Check the credits the next time you watch “The Last Waltz.”  Aside from Scorsese directing, you have cinematographers who worked on films like “Raging Bull”, “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” “Five Easy Pieces” and “Easy Rider” working the cameras.  The production designer who worked on “The Sound of Music” and “West Side Story” did the lighting.  The San Francisco Opera contributed the set from “La traviata.”  There may have been more high-level talent behind the cameras than there was in front of them.

Oh, yeah.  There were a few famous guest musicians present, too.  As your sommelier for this concert, my wine selections for “The Last Waltz” are done like a setlist, according to those who took part in the show.

Check out the trailer - and the commentary by Arkush - then do as he recommends.  Pop the DVD in the machine and turn it up.  And try not to look too hard at Neil Young’s nostrils.

The Wine setlist for “The Last Waltz”

The Band - “Hard-workin’ wines to rock your tastebuds,” proclaims House Band Wine's mission statement.  Napa, Sonoma and Mendocino wines often do that.


Ronnie Hawkins - Hidden away in California’s Suisun Valley, Winterhawk Winery does a Late Harvest Zinfandel that sings sweeter than Hawkins.


Dr. John and Bobby Charles - Uncork some Blanc du Bois and some Norton from Pontchartrain Vineyards for these two sons of Louisiana.


Paul Butterfield - Sometimes a big, buttery Chardonnay gives me the blues.  Sometimes it’s just what I needed.  Newton Vineyard does it like that.


Muddy Waters and Eric Clapton - Muddy Water Winery in New Zealand’s Waipara Valley used to make a wine called Mojo.  Now they make one called Slowhand.


Neil Young and Joni Mitchell - Canada’s Harvest Winery should fit nicely for these north-of-the-border legends.


Neil Diamond - In honor of Dylan’s comment, let’s choose something from Sleepy Creek Vineyards.


Van Morrison - Bunratty Castle is the site of the first vineyards in Ireland.  The Celts have always been crazy about their mead.


Bob Dylan - So Dylan’s Wine Cellar is named for the owner’s kid, but he may well have been named after Bob.  Stop in the next time you’re in Peekskill, NY.


Ringo Starr - Ringo’s playing a winery this summer.  Enjoy a Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling.


Ronnie Wood - From the Wines That Rock series, 40 Licks Merlot.


The Staple Singers - They hit it big with Stax records, so dip into Memphis with a Blush from Old Millington WInery.


Emmylou Harris - Vin de pays means “country wine” in French, so why not grab a nice back porch blend of Viognier, Sauvignon Blanc and Muscat d’Alexandrie from Château Saint-Cosme.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti - Not a wine for this poet, who performed Loud Prayer at the conclusion of The Band’s farewell concert, but a book.  We should all go out like that.  Have some Bukowski.



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Blood Of The Vines: Lord Love A Duck

Wine Goes To The Movies 

with Now And Zin Wine and Trailers From Hell

If you are in the mood for an unhinged parody of the beach-blanket-teen-flesh movies of the early to mid-’60s - and when are you not in the mood for that? -  “Lord Love A Duck” is where you should go.  Duck pairs wonderfully with wine and the movie gives flight to the “groovy” part of the sixties.  I expect Peter Sellers to walk into the scene at any moment.  The script can only manage to flirt with alcohol, but going on a murderous rampage with a bulldozer suggests there may have been something stronger in play.

Tuesday Weld and Lola Albright play the bikini-beach gal roles to the hilt.  Sweaters?  Sure you get sweaters!  How about a dozen?  Try them on - please!  Roddy McDowall is a cross between Moondoggie and Bonehead, only dangerous.  The music in the beach party scenes is just about the most redundantly cheesy song ever written - one of those “Here’s what showbiz thinks is hip” moments.  Mercifully, this time, it’s tongue-in-cheek.  The dance performed to that music is perhaps the best parody of the act of sex I’ve ever seen.

While you are viewing “Lord Love A Duck,” try not to crawl too deeply into the fascination with the title - it has probably won an award for awfulness.  McDowall’s character calls himself by the name of an extinct duck, in case you were wondering.  Swirl that ducky wine and relish the satire before you.  If that pairing doesn’t get you twelve sweaters, hold the relish.

Duckhorn Vineyards makes a nice Petit Verdot - among a number of other nice Bordeaux varieties that would pair nicely with duck.  They also have a duck on the label, and you have to love that.  They also have the Paraduxx line, when one duck isn’t enough.

Duck!  There’s more!

Cold Duck - One writer calls it “a cross between grape Fanta, Cranberry Juice Cocktail, and one of those ‘Champagnes’ you need to swallow with Advil in order to circumvent the inevitable headache.”  Cheers!

Duck And Wine Festival - Duck, North Carolina is the place for this one.  You’ll have to wait for April - that’s apparently when wine season opens in the Carolinas.

The Inevitable Duck Wine Bottle Holder - This one shows the duck comically appearing to glug the bottle.


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Blood Of The Vines: Strangers on a Train

Wine Goes To The Movies With 

Now And Zin Wine and TrailersFromHell.com

Here we go, back to Alfred Hitchcock for another pairing of wine with a movie.  Why not?  There's always plenty to drink in a Hitchcock movie, and Hitch was quite the wine connoisseur himself.  So you can hardly go wrong with any of his films.

The drinks connection is made even easier by an irreverent movie blogger who suggests a game in which you watch "Strangers on a Train" and have a drink every time you see Robert Walker's tie pin, someone wearing glasses, a guy in a suit or hear carnival music.  That last one could work in a number of Hitchcock movies.  The guy loved calliopes.

Speaking of music, the rock group Journey may have had "Strangers on a Train" on the brain when they penned "Don't Stop Believin'." They had a small town girl and a city boy both on the train.  But the strangers were all on the boulevard.  Not even a hint of murder.  Maybe they were playing that drinking game while watching the movie and writing the song.

There's the "strange toast" which is alluded to prominently in the trailer.  I'd suggest an Irish toast if you want a really strange one.  "May the seven hounds of hell sit on the spool of your chest and bark in at your soul case." Wait, that's an Irish curse.  Aah, what's the difference?  Make a drinking game out of it and anything goes.

You’ll probably want to make like a Hitchcock character and have a snifter of brandy after getting an eyeful of Robert Walker's smoking jacket - noirishly festooned with ashtrays and cigarettes all over it!  Was he sporting a pair of charcoal slacks with it?  I must speak with his tailor to find out if he has one worked up with wine glasses and corkscrews in the pattern.

Walker does an outstanding job in this movie, but nothing stands out more than his face in the crowd at Farley Granger’s tennis match.  He keeps his head perfectly still while keeping his gaze fixed on Granger.  That’s pretty creepy, but when the carousel goes ballistic it's time to cut the drinking games and get serious about it.

Pomar Junction is serious about wine and trains.  There’s a railroad in their family tree - and on their labels.  They even have a train at the winery.  Well, they have a boxcar and a caboose.  They only go somewhere in your imagination.  Their wine is another story - it’s going places fast.  Their Train Wreck is equal parts Cabernet Sauvignon, Petite Sirah, Zinfandel and Syrah.  All aboard!

Sidetracked:

Red Car Wine Company - Yes, it’s named after a trolley - but they have a Boxcar line if the HO gauge isn’t enough for you.

Loco Vino produces wine in Macon, Missouri which is inspired - or at least the labels are - by railroad history.  It may take a little work to find it, sort of like that pesky cigarette lighter in the movie.

Central Coast Railroad Festival Wine Train Excursions - San Luis Obispo County knows how to get to the wine in style..  They brake for wineries.

The Napa Valley Wine Train - The same idea as above, but further north.


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Blood Of The Vines: Deliverance

In the South, drinking is the national sport.  That’s why they named their beer “Dixie.”  Of course, they also name their cars, hunting dogs and little girls “Dixie,” but those are for other columns.  This one is about wine and movies, and it says here the best movie about the southern United States is “Deliverance.”

It’s not a feel-good movie.  It’s a writhing, retching record of the worst that humanity has to offer, and I don’t mean litterbugs.  Those goons are scary stupid, and those city boys are way out of their element.  They should have turned around and gone back home at the first sign of trouble, but you know what a bad influence that Burt Reynolds can be.

When Burt told the local yokel that fifty dollars was too much for the ride, maybe he should have used a little more tact.  “Fifty my left pinkie” might not have riled ‘em up as much as “Fifty my ass.”   Of course, it may have raised different concerns.

I’m from the South, so I’ve heard the entire roster of “squeal like a pig” comments, thank you.  Yes, there really are people out there who keep the memory of that line alive as humor.  Scary stupid.  I knew a guy who raised exotic birds.  He was fond of saying, “Scream like a peacock,” but I don’t think it was in reference to the movie.

The music of “Deliverance” gave the banjo a rare appearance in the Top Forty.  The instrumental “Dueling Banjos” was a big hit, performed by Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandel.  That big wave of follow-up banjo hits never occurred, though, even on country radio.  Forty years later we are still waiting for the banjo craze to cycle back around.  I think we are ripe for a banjo rap song.  Banjoists should run an ad campaign: “Hey, at least it’s not accordions!”

My wife and I overheard Ronny Cox tell an interesting story about his experience in “Deliverance” as we sat at the next table during lunch at the Mulholland Grill.  He said the kid who played the banjo in the movie was terribly afraid of playing in front of the cameras.  The kid took a shine to Ronny, though, and didn’t have any problem playing his part as long as Cox was nearby.  Everybody appreciated that, but Cox’s character was found floating belly up anyway.  Sorry for eavesdropping, Ronny.

As long as we’re in the Southeast trying to decide which is worse - the heat or the humidity - let’s do something that had to happen sooner or later.  Let’s go Muscadine.

The Muscadine grape is indigenous to the Southeastern US, although you can find it growing a purty far piece up the eastern seaboard and even as far west as Texas - yee-haw!  Fans of wine made from vinifera grapes - the sort grown in France, or California - will immediately turn up their little pug noses at the hint of a Muscadine wine.  But the grape grows well in conditions that would leave a Chardonnay grape fanning itself on the divan. 

Sir Walter Raleigh is said to have been so impressed with Muscadine wine he traded a carton of cigarettes to the Indians for some and sent it back to Queen Elizabeth.  There’s no record of how she liked it, but it probably ran a close race with okra.

The Muscadine grape survives in lousy grape-growing weather because it has 20 pairs of chromosomes, one more pair than European grapes.  That's also the reason there is about 40 times the amount of antioxidants as in traditional wine grapes.

There’s a nice little Muscadine produced in Alabama, at Morgan Creek Vineyards.  It might take a little getting used to it, but it’s got great acidity and is a good fit with food.

Do you deliver?

Organic Muscadine can be found coming out of Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, North Carolina and Louisiana.

Muddy Water “Deliverance” wine - This Waipara Valley wine from New Zealand is a blend of Syrah and Pinotage, the latter sometimes regarded as lowly as Muscadine.


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Blood Of The Vines: The Pom Pom Girls

Wine Goes To The Movies With 
Now And Zin and Trailers From Hell


There is something quaintly American about cheerleaders.  There is also something quaintly American about baseball, apple pie and white Zinfandel.  This time, we’re hangin’ with “The Pom Pom Girls.”


All-American girls in bikinis at the beach, practicing their cheers while showing their rears. Roll ‘em, aaaaand - that’s a wrap! What more do you need from a summertime movie?  Plots play over the holidays.


That type of scene might make you think this sexploitation chuckler should have been titled “The Butt Pom Girls.”  That probably got discussed sometime before the movie was released.  There does seem to be a scarcity of actual pom poms, at least in the trailer.  That’s OK, though, because those things cover up so much when the gals are holding them.  I’m sure that was probably an agenda point at a pre-production meeting, too.  “Wait - how about if they throw the pom poms on the ground!”  “Brilliant!”


In her commentary on the movie, Katt Shea says there’s an “American Graffiti feeling” to “The Pom Pom Girls.”  While fans of one probably wouldn’t trade for the other, both films do have an endearing way of showing the innocence of youth.  One has a more serious side, while the other has a nice backside.  Comparing the two is rather like comparing Zinfandel and white Zin.  Both have their moments, but...


“The Pom Pom Girls” isn’t too bad, for a movie about cheerleaders.  It could have been better.  It could have been “Bring It On.”  It also could have been worse.  It could have been about the marching band.


Levity aside, I’m told there is actually a difference between pom pom girls and cheerleaders.  The way I hear it, cheerleaders do simple, repetitive “cheer motions” while pom pom girls are more artful and employ more freestyle actions in their performances.  I had the feeling that explanation came from a pom pom girl.  A former cheerleader confirmed that, while extolling the athleticism of her crew. It's a Hatfield/McCoy thing between cheerleaders and pom pom girls. At any rate, once the pom poms hit the ground, your assets are on display and the spirit stick is passed.


We could hit it and quit it by going with Pom Pom Wine - pom-pom-pomegranates, that is.  While it’s tempting to put our hands in the hands of the man who turned the water into wine - what a great miracle huh? - we’ll make Galilee a side trip on the way to Italy. 


That’s where we find pomace brandy - the Italian version is known as grappa.  In a pomace brandy, the skins, pulp, seeds and stems leftover from traditional winemaking are fermented and distilled on their own, producing a substance which is anywhere from 70 to 120 proof.  Nardini makes an esteemed grappa using the pomace of grapes from the Friuli and Veneto regions.  


Pom Pom wine is a shallow bottle:


Wine Opener Cheerleader - How many bottles of wine had that opener opened before the video was made?  I’m guessing one bottle of white Zin.


Holy-Field Winery Dog - An awesomely cute dog, and a Rock-Chalk-Jayhawk blue wine bottle from Kansas.


Cheerwine - I confess, this one is not even wine.  It’s a soda nobody knows about.  But, it’s cheering.  Must be some pom poms in there somewhere.




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Blood Of The Vines: The Horse Soldiers

Westerns - the Great American Movie Genre.  Yes, the Italian cinema has its Spaghetti Western - Cameriere, more Sangiovese, please!  But we’re talking real, honest-to-John-Wayne American westerns here.  The kind with a big, wide-open-spaces theme by somebody like Elmer Bernstein, Alfred Newman, or Lerner and Loewe.  Morricone magic is better served with the aforementioned grape of Chianti - and movies where the dubbed dialog doesn’t quite match up with the actors’ mouths.

The soundtrack of “The Horse Soldiers” rides in on the strains of “Dixie” and out to “When Johnny Comes Marching Home.”  You not only get a western, you get a Civil War movie, too.  And John Wayne’s in both of them.

Heck, you even get John Ford directing at no extra charge, and a story that was ripped from the headlines of the Vicksburg Post, circa 1863.  A western?  In Mississippi?  That’s right, pilgrim.  Mississippi was once The West.  The Duke plays the railroad-builder-turned-Yankee-Colonel who is sent into Mississippi on a mission to blow up a railroad.  Now that’s iron horse irony for you.

Besides Wayne and Ford, you get character actors like Ken Curtis, Denver Pyle and Strother Martin.  That’s the hick trifecta, right there - a dialogue coach’s dream, a speech therapist’s nightmare.  Every time I see one of those guys in a western, I wonder if they talk like that in real life.  I also wonder: do method actors in a Civil War picture drink Muscadine to get into the role?

It may be my imagination playing tricks on me, but I think this movie has more horses in it than I’ve ever seen in one film before.  It makes me wonder if actors get paid more for saddle sores.  We should probably check with a bow-legged actor for the answer.

None of the horses got listed in the credits, but they should have.  Without them, you wouldn’t have much of a western.  Not much of a cavalry movie, either, come to think of it.  With no horses, the cavalry would have come to the rescue on foot.  That would just about put them out of the rescuing business and in the cleaning-up-after-the-trouble business.

Horse walks into a bar.  Bartender says, “Why the long face?”  Horse says, “Can you make me a War Horse?”  Bartender says, “Sorry, I’m not on the draft board.  How about a nice Central Coast Pinot instead?”

Wild Horse Winery, just south of Paso Robles, advises us to “Live Naturally, Enjoy Wildly.”  Their 2006 Cheval Sauvage not only means “wild horse” in French, it’s the kind of masculine Pinot Noir John Wayne might share with his brave steed after a tough day of breaking the Confederacy.

Hoof a look at these:

Iron Horse Vineyards - A Sonoma County winery known for its sparkling wines,  their Iron Horse Chinese Cuvée was produced for the Chinese year of the dragon.  They are looking forward to 2014 - the year of the horse.

Black Stallion Winery - An old equestrian center is the home for the Napa Valley outfit in the Oak Knoll District.

14 Hands - The measure of a small horse, 14 Hands is also the home of some pretty tasty wines from eastern Washington state.

Blood Of The Vines: The Birds

Wine Goes To The Movies With 

Now And Zin Wine and Trailers From Hell

Let’s dip into the Alfred Hitchcock catalog again - and no, the wine pairing isn’t brandy.  That’s too easy, and it works with all Hitchcock movies.  For any sort of trouble that arises - and with Hitchcock, it always arises - the cure is a blast of brandy.  You can have a blast, but we have other pairing ideas today.

I recently got to see “The Birds” on the big screen at the Alex Theater in Glendale.  It’s not really as big a screen as the Don Drive-In, which is where I first saw the film when I was just a kid.  The lack of mosquitos at the Alex beats any issue of screen size, however.  And I never did like the citronella coils we had to set on fire on our dashboard to try and keep the mosquitos away.  If my dad - chain smoking Kools in the driver’s seat - isn’t keeping them away, why bother with citronella?

Set in Sonoma County wine country, “The Birds” wasn’t just suspenseful, it was downright scary.  Ordinary, everyday birds amassing for an attack on humans was a concept that tortured my “little kid thinking cap.”  Add in the Kennedy assassination, and that bewildering “what the hell happened to Elvis?” feeling, and 1963 was a pretty bad year for a kid.

It was a pretty good year for horror, though, with movies like “The Haunting,” “The Terror,” “The Ghost” and “The Day of the Triffids” hitting the screens that year.  The drive-ins were doing good business, I’m sure.

Trailers From Hell guru Eli Roth has a wonderful commentary on his turn with the trailer for “The Birds.”  He is so wrapped up in Hitchcock’s approach to the trailer, the actual movie has to take a back seat.  Come to think of it, Hitchcock’s trailer even put the movie in the back seat.

Cue the sound man, because when I was in the back seat of that 1960 Buick LeSabre station wagon at the Don Drive-In, what cut through the citronella and Kool smoke the most were the creepy sound effects in “The Birds.”  It was years before I could hear a crow without looking over my shoulder at the jungle gym.

Our wine pairing for “The Birds” is from Blackbird Vineyards of Napa Valley, not too far a drive from Bodega Bay.  “Paramour” is the name of the red blend, and the image on the bottle looks a lot like some birds are amassing for an attack on the wine cellar.  The notes of coffee will be useful when we are trying to stay awake on an all-night bird vigil.

We’re wingin’ it:

Smoking Loon Pinot Noir -  If you see a loon smoking, he’s bound to be a troublemaker.  If he smokes too much, send him back to the film noir movie from which he flew the coop.  If there are ten thousand loons smoking citronella, your worries will be bigger than mosquitos anyway.

Bird Wines - From the Omaka Valley of Marlborough, New Zealand comes this offering from winemaker Steve Bird.

Larry Bird Chardonnay - It looks like this wine may be out of production.  Napa Valley’s Cosentino Winery made it a few years back.  I had to mention it, even though ESPN beat me to the “surprisingly good for a white” joke.

Wine Markers - For your screening party featuring “The Birds,” get several sets and keep adding them to an unsuspecting guests glass when they aren’t looking.

Love Birds Wine Stopper - Well, it was the arrival of the love birds that started it all in Bodega Bay.  Apropos of nothing, the things pictured on this link are some of the most unusual looking items I’ve ever seen for sale.


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Blood Of The Vines: Touch of Evil

Orson Welles wrote, directed and co-starred in “Touch of Evil” in 1958, at the end of what might be considered film noir’s golden era.  It was right at the end of Welles’ golden era, too.  He had been packing on the pounds by this point in his career, and was also drinking too much.  In fact, the most exercise he got in the whole decade was a three-minute-twenty-second tracking shot.

Welles’ massive girth in “Touch of Evil” is actually more the result of padding and makeup than actual weight gain, but it wouldn’t be long before he’d be doing his own stunts.  As spokesman for Paul Masson wines a decade or so later, he didn’t need the help of the makeup department to look like a guy who could put an all-you-can-eat buffet out of business.

Break out the Paul Masson for a “Cheers” to the lineup!  Welles and Charlton Heston (playing a Mexican) are joined by names like Janet Leigh, Ray Collins, Dennis Weaver, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Marlene Dietrich and Joseph Cotten.  A cast like that makes a toast mandatory, even if it is jug wine.

I understand the film was shot at night to minimize the number of studio executives hanging around the set.  Welles was no fan of suits, and he felt that if his shooting schedule conflicted with prime schmoozing time, they’d stay out of his hair.  If it hadn’t been for that, the movie may not have been a film noir at all, but a film du jour.

The film’s noirishness is defined by by the dingy, dusty setting of the fictional Border City.  It’s worth noting that actual border towns like Tijuana apparently were not run-down and seedy enough, so the movie was shot in Venice - which isn’t exactly a highlight for the Chamber of Commerce brochure.

Janet Leigh broke her arm before filming started, which caused some difficulty in shooting her scenes.  The cast on her arm had to be removed for some of the shots and replaced afterward.  It might have had some people thinking that she was told to “break a leg,” and missed.  Leigh’s agent reportedly enraged the actress by giving the role a pass on her behalf.  She felt being directed by a legend was worth more than money.  Maybe she broke her arm while instructing her agent to get back on the phone.

Let’s choose a wine for “Touch of Evil” before somebody unscrews the cap on a “Hearty Burgundy.”

Washington’s Gorman Winery  has a 70/30 blend of Red Mountain Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon called Evil Twin.  The 65-dollar question is, which grape is evil?

Other evil choices:

Evil Wine - This respected line from R Wines is made by South Australia winemaker Chris Ringland.

Pinot Evil - The little-known fourth monkey in the “hear no, see no, speak no” series.

Paul Masson commercial - This is the “Citizen Kane” of Orson Welles outtakes.  He just seems drunk, though, not evil.

Wine Tasting Event: Don't Be Afraid Of The Noir

Wine lovers and film fans will converge for a Hollywood Pinot Noir tasting event to celebrate film noir.  Trailers From Hell, Now And Zin and K&L Wines are pouring the Pinot Noir in association with the American Cinematheque's 14th Annual Noir City Film Festival.  Check that link for a full schedule of the films to be featured.

The event - Don't Be Afraid of the Noir - will be held Thursday April 26, 2012 from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at K&L's Hollywood location, 1400 N. Vine Street.  Tickets cost $15 per person and will be available at the door.

Your hardworking Now And Zin correspondent has been invited to share in the hosting duties, which I have been led to believe involve standing around tasting wine and talking about it some.  That sounds like it’s right up my alley.  Some filmmakers have signed on for that gig as well, notably Dan Ireland, Chris Wilkinson, Adam Rifkin, Brian Trenchard-Smith and TFH chief guru Joe Dante.  Presumably, they were led to believe the job involves standing around tasting wine and talking about movies.

Here are the Pinots which will put us all in the noir mood, examined by our Film Noir Wine Critic, Robert Walter Parker-Neff:

Black Ridge Vineyards Pinot Noir

"Black Ridge is made by ADS Wines, a red stained property in Lodi, owned and operated by the Scotto family.  They have been in the wine business since the 1940's, the heyday of film noir.  Come to think of it, it was the heyday of Lodi, too.  I'm going on the assumption that three generations of Scottos can't be wrong.  That's why they're still there.  The Pinot is soft and pretty, two things a man like me likes, especially when they arrive together.  It's also supple and juicy.  Things are looking up."

Jackhammer Central Coast Pinot Noir

"In a rare moment of clarity, the Los Angeles Times made this one a Wine of the Week.  They say it's all about the grapes, and the grapes for this Pinot come from cool Central Coast sites in the Santa Maria Valley, Santa Barbara County, Santa Lucia Highlands, and Edna Valley.  That's a lot of ground to cover, but you get used to it selling door-to-door.  Aged in French oak barrels older than my suit, JackHammer brings the berries and spices forward with smooth tannins.  That's the way I like my tannins.  Smooth.  The Times calls it "delightful," which is odd because I'm used to hearing them break out the twenty-five cent words.  I'd pair it with a Mike Hammer movie, if you like that sort of thing."

Napa Cellars Napa Valley Pinot Noir

"The grapes for this Pinot Noir come from Napa Cellars' southerly Napa Valley vineyard north of San Pablo Bay.  I used to live there, a little room over a garage.  I couldn't see the grapes from there, but I sure could see the ocean fog.  They say that makes for a long growing season.  You ask me, driving a forklift around a winery for chump change, that makes for a long growing season.  Once, the fog cleared out just enough so I thought I saw Robert Mitchum stomping some grapes to a pulp.  The wine is fruity and accessible, not a bit like Mitchum.  But then nobody is."

Rickshaw Sonoma County Pinot Noir

"This Pinot reminds me of a dame I used to know, drenched in pretty cherry and wild strawberry aromas, accented by hints of clove.  She worked at a farmers market.  The palate is juicy, with a core of red fruit that carries you through to a spice-kissed finish.  Is it getting warm in here, or do I just need a cold beer?"

Windrun San Luis Obispo County Pinot Noir

"Ken Brown made this wine, so now you know why he's in that line of work.  He loves to talk about the cool Burgundian climate of beautiful San Luis Obispo, cool like an ocean breeze.  I think it's more like he's talking about himself, but then, I'm suspicious by nature.  Oh, yeah, the wine.  Full of ripe cherries, raspberries, you know the drill.  One thing I like about it - it's drinkable now with or without food.  Most of the characters I know get along the same way.  I'll take mine with a steak that thick.  But that's how I take my bourbon, too, when I can get it."


Sounds like a great time coming, so get that $15 ready.  Don't Be Afraid of the Noir, Thursday April 26 from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at K&L Wine, 1400 N. Vine Street in Hollywood.


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Blood Of The Vines: Runaway Train

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Is it just me, or do all the characters Eric Roberts plays need a smack upside the head from a wine bottle?  Not the 750 mL size, either, but a magnum (1.5 L) or a Methuselah (6 L) or even a Nebuchadnezzar (15 L) just to make an impression.

With a roster of 243 roles to his credit, I’m not going into all of them.  Suffice it to say that it just seems to me Roberts always plays the guy with whom you’d hate to be stuck pulling off a crime.  Can’t keep his mouth shut, no finesse, no idea how to be unobtrusive.  Hey, that sounds a lot like the group at the last wine tasting I attended!

Regardless of what I think of his characters, Roberts sure does work a lot.  According to IMDB, he is presently listed as having two films underway, one that he is announced for, eight in pre-production and 22 which are in post-production.  33 films in less than a couple of years seems like a lot to me, but I’ve never even been on a casting call - what do I know?  It seemed like a lot to the actor who waited on me at the restaurant last night, too.

At any rate, “Runaway Train” does nothing to sway my feelings for the characters Eric Roberts plays.  Hey, Buck!  Whoop!  Upside the head.

Jon Voight, on the other hand, has so much ice on him in this flick he looks like the missing link.  He has more ice on him than the freezer in my first apartment.  I wouldn’t mind being his sidekick on a caper, but I’d sure as hell keep my mouth shut and stay out of his way.  Maybe I’d offer him some wine from a less dangerous train.

Red Car Wine is made in Graton, California just west of Santa Rosa.  The brand was born in Hollywood, though.  Founded by producer Carroll Kemp and late screenwriter Mark Estrin, Red Car is named after the streetcar line that served Los Angeles until the 1960s.  The Trolley and Boxcar lines are made from Sonoma Coast fruit taken from a variety of vineyards, including their estate land.

Rolling boxcars:

Train - the rock band - has a wine club in which they offer a wine of the month.  They also have their own brands: the Drops of Jupiter Petite Sirah and the Calling All Angels Chardonnay.  One would have to guess that they rock.  A portion of the proceeds go to charity.

Loco Vino - Missouri’s West Winery has a line of locomotive wines.

Wine Trains - Just about anyplace with at least three wineries in straight line has a wine train connecting them.  Some skip the wineries altogether and just have wine on the train.  See Napa Valley, Santa Barbara, Fillmore, Texas, Colorado, Alabama, South Dakota, New York and, as they say on the late night TV ads, many, many more.  It’s a lot more comfortable than the Runaway Train, and there’s wine on board.  A win/wine situation.

Coaltrain Wine & Spirits - A Colorado Springs store where the big news seems to be that Pliny the Elder is out of stock.

Night Train - Bum Wine offers a nice writeup on Gallo’s low-end juice.  Ride the rails right to the bottom of the barrel.

Blood Of The Vines: Alien

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with Now And Zin Wine and Trailers From Hell.

So you meet your friends for some wine before the movie.  You allow plenty of time, so you can relax and have several glasses before walking over to the cinema.  You settle into your comfy movie chair with some of that $20 movie food, let the promos wash over you, and then...

The movie is "Alien," and that drippy, gelatinous monster with the big teeth scares the wine right out of you.  How do you think Ripley felt when the alien got right in her face?  She probably felt relieved it wasn't right on her face.  That scenario didn't work out too well for her spacemates.

This alien scared so many people there should have been a red threat level attached to it.  Personally, I was off eggs for months after I saw the film.  The alien costume was so well done, the "guy-in-a-suit" tag really doesn't apply, even though it was a guy in a suit - a drippy, gelatinous suit.  The Creature from the Black Lagoon didn't scare me half as much as ol' drip tooth.  The Creature could have used a foot-long fang to boost his scare factor.

On a musical note, I hear that director Ridley Scott wanted the movie to be scored by Isao Tomita, which would have given the film more of a sci-fi sound, but the studio wanted Jerry Goldsmith's score, conducted by Lionel Newman.  The studio won, but not without lots of input from Scott - input it seems Goldsmith was none too thrilled to receive.  He got the job.  Why the sour grapes?  Speaking of which...

British Columbia's Monster Vineyards has Merlot and a red blend called Red Eye.  Maybe the White Knuckle would be more appropriate in case the monster has a taste for fish.

Little A'Le'Inn Wine - Directly from the heart of Area 51 - at least I presume that's where Rachel, Nevada is located.  It probably pairs well with that Alien beef jerky from Baker.

Alien Wine Festival - Pecos Flavors Winery in Roswell, New Mexico, was the host of the first ever Alien Wine Festival in 2011.  Information for the 2012 event is mysteriously missing.  Maybe we need Agents Scully and Fox to look into this.  Or, maybe they were the only ones to show up last year.

Alien Wine - An article by fantasy writer Raymond E. Feist on exploring the alien world of wine.

Alien Wine - This recipe for homemade hibiscus flower liquer is untried and untested - by me, anyway - but it sure looks easy.  Let us know how it works out for you.

Green Alien Wine Holder - Of all the goofy wine holders I've run across, this must be the most overpriced piece of bent metal with which I've had a close encounter. - $46


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BLOOD OF THE VINES: PIRANHA

Don't be too quick to fish for a white wine to pair with the 1978 "Jaws" parody, "Piranha."  The Roger Corman production, directed by TFH chief guru Joe Dante will probably require something with a little more bite.

While "Jaws" had only one fish - okay, it was a pretty big fish - "Piranha" has a whole school of the fanged demons chewing up the scenery, and anything else into which they can sink their teeth.  A Piranha attack is something which has fascinated me all my life, and apparently Dante was similarly taken with the idea of a bunch of fish picking a carcass clean.

You have to love the script's plan to kill the piranhas by opening up the waste tank at a smelting plant and prevent them from making it into the open water of the ocean.  It may be the only time in movie history that industrial waste was penned as the good guy.  Did the plan go awry and allow the killers to spawn a sequel?  Does a fish have teeth?

Considering the tip of the hat to "Jaws" - and the dearth of piranha-themed wine on the market - we will look to another dangerous denizen of the deep for the wine to pair with "Piranha."

Although Hello Vino says you should try Pinot Noir with shark, you may want to check with The Shark himself.  Golfer Greg Norman has estates in California and Australia, from which some killer wines are produced.  You can pair any of them with "Piranha" at prices that won't leave you feeling like they put the bite on you.

Take a nip of these:

Steele Wines Catfish Zinfandel - Recommended for Cioppino, which may well have some piranha in it.

Cool Fish Wines - Whites are the specialty of this Napa producer, although pairing with piranha would suggest a red with toothy tannins.

Big Fish Wines - A San Francisco-based winery which sources grapes from Santa Barbara County, Monterey and Dry Creek Valley.

FishEye Winery - This South Eastern Australia winery promises wine that jumps out of your glass, which sounds as messy as the piranhas' victims.

This wine contains fish - Personally, I'd rather hear "This fish contains wine."

Piranha attack at the Smithsonian - Maybe I'm the wrong person to be asking this, but, who sits around thinking up this stuff?  Incuded here because of the reference to "expensive Pinot Noired wine."

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BLOOD OF THE VINES - EASY RIDER

Have you ever been riding your chopper down a southern U.S. highway, lookin' for America and unable to find it?  If so, "Easy Rider" is the movie is for you.  I'll call a spoiler alert here in order to mention that in between the moment you see that shotgun barrel stickin' out of the pickup truck window and the moment it blows the stars and stripes right off your greasy hippie head - you've found it.

Before that moment occurs, maybe you can pull off of Route 666 and visit a southern wine tasting room.  Even if it's Muscadine they're pourin', it's better than what the rednecks have for you.  That Cracker Barrel cheese plate never tasted so good.  If they're servin' meat, be sure to inquire as to which highway it was found on.

All kidding aside, I spent a bit of time riding a mororcycle on southern U.S. highways and only had my life threatened by 18-wheelers passing me on the right shoulder.  That's not to say the sort of escapades encountered by Peter Fonda, Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper in "Easy Rider" didn't ever happen. They just didn't ruin my Mardi Gras.

The movie was a cathartic experience, as I remember it, but now it looks dated.  TFH guru Michael Lehmann has the same opinion, which he talks about in his commentary on the trailer.  But even in 1969, young and wet behind the ears, I knew that riding a Harley chopper through the bible belt with a joint in your throttle hand and the American flag on your head was a pretty stupid thing to do.  That freak-flag-flying trio might not have been able to find America, but they sure knew where to look for trouble.

Gitcher motor runnin' and head out on the highway for V-Twin Vineyards in Sonoma County.  Scott and Lisa Del Fava merged their passion for wine and motorcycles and produce such delights as V-Twin Zin in Dry Creek Valley.  They say it kicks ass, and nothing less would be expected.

Rev up for some other options:

Four Vines Winery "Biker" Zinfandel - Paso Robles Zin has a splash of Mourvédre to kick start the mid-palate.

Robert Stein Winery and Vineyard - A collection of affordable Australian wines adorned with classic bikes. $15

Harley Davidson Bar and Shield Wine Glass - Dishwasher safe, but no guarantees if you use it in a fight. $9

Hog Cycle Wine Bottle Holder - It'll hold your wine bottle - and your girl, if you don't watch out. $50

Pewter Motorcycle Wine Stopper - Not a chopper, but maybe the handlebars wouldn't fit into the fridge. $20

The Kingman Wine and Food Festival has a car and motorcycle show this year.


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BLOOD OF THE VINES - I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF

When I was in college - way back when - the student center had a room where a different video each week was piped in and played continuously.  I would plop down between classes - when we weren't drinking something horrible at the school newspaper office - and catch fifteen minutes or so of whatever they were showing.  By the end of the week I had probably seen the whole feature - in bits and pieces out of sequence.  I saw "Lemmings" that way, and "Groove Tube."

I also saw the 1957 horror classic "I Was A Teenage Werewolf" that way, and it was a delightful week.  It may have been the movie, or it may have been the horrible stuff we were drinking at the newspaper.  After so much time, I'll charitably attribute it to the film.

The movie stars Michael Landon, before his "Bonanza" days and waaaay before his "Little House on the Prairie" days.  It also stars Whit Bissell, a great character actor who was in so many films of the 1950s you'd think he came with the cameras.  For no apparent reason - or maybe because of the horrible stuff - Whit became one of my favorites, and I watched anything in which he appeared.

In "Teenage Werewolf," Landon plays the troubled young man while Bissell plays the troubled older man.  That's a lot of trouble there, and that starts with T and that rhymes with C and that stands for cool, which is how I rate this film.

What else but Werewolf Cabernet Sauvignon for this film?  The website exclaims the wine is "notable for its dark red color."   Well, I would hope so.  They also make a Pinot Grigio, which is notable for its lack of red color.  At seven dollars per bottle, you sometimes have to take whatever color you get.  You just hope it's not too horrible.

Wolf down some of these:

Piggs Peake Werewolf Zinfandel/Shiraz - Zinfandel in Australia!  Who knew?  $80

How wine can turn you into a werewolf - "A bottle a night, two a night on weekends" ?? Werewolf tendencies could be the least of your problems.

Wolff Vineyards in Edna Valley - Beautiful wine country, just outside San Luis Obispo and not a werewolf in sight.

Stone Wolf Vineyards in Oregon's Willamette Valley - The stone wolf guards the vineyards.  Finally, a good guy wolf!

Grey Wolf Cellars in Paso Robles - On the label: "Life is too short to drink bad wine."

Wolf Mountain Vineyards & Winery in Georgia - They are in the foothills of the southern Appalachian Mountains.

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BLOOD OF THE VINES - FROM HELL IT CAME

If ever there was a movie that deserved a wine pairing, 1957's "From Hell It Came" would be the one.  In fact, something stronger might be in order to make this "walking tree" movie bearable.  Chief Trailers From Hell guru Joe Dante points out in his commentary on the trailer, it's probably one of the worst movies of the 1950s.  Dante notes, that when "a long shot of a stick falling over is considered worthy of being included in the trailer, it goes to show there's not a lot (of action) to choose from."  Maybe the stick just had a little too much wine.

Forget the plot - the monster is a tree.  What more do we need to know?  The talking trees in "The Wizard of Oz" were not only scarier, they probably had more screen time - and more action.  Dante cites one reviewer who commented that, since the tree came from Hell, it may as well go back there.   It can't be coincidence that the Trailers From Hell blog goes under the name "From Hell It Came."

The natural wine pairing for a movie featuring a walking tree monster is Twisted Oak Wineryin California's Calaveras County.  Their Rhone blend called *%#&@! (rhymes with "What the *%#&@!") is perfect, since that may well be what you're saying by fifteen minutes into this 

picture.  It's an $18 bottle, which may seem expensive considering the quality of the movie.

Branching out for some other wine choices:

d'Arenberg Stump Jump Shiraz McLaren Vale 2008 - The stump jump plough was invented to clear land peppered with scrub brush stumps.  Your mileage on "walking tree" stumps may vary.  $9

Black Stump Wines - Australian for "the middle of nowhere," black stump is also a neat descriptor for the monster in "From Hell It Came.".

Hells Canyon Winery - A boutique winery in Idaho's Snake River Valley, their Seven Devils Red is actually anything but hellish.

Hell Hole Semillon - From Meerea Park Wines in Australia's Hunter Valley, this refreshing white was no doubt named by those who harvest the grapes in this warm climate region.  Be careful which tree you seek for shade.

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