Thursday, November 1, 2012

Blood Of The Vines: Bride of Frankenstein

Wine Goes to the Movies with 

In "Bride of Frankenstein," the monster speaks.  The monster also eats, drinks and has a smoke afterward.

Presumed consumed by flames in the original movie, the monster survived the windmill fire by getting into the water well underneath the mill.  When he finally comes out after that harrowing experience, he falls in with a blind guy who teaches him to talk.  The first things he wants to talk about are food and wine.  Get that monster a twitter account!

"Bread #good.  Drink #good.  The service in this drafty old castle - #baaaad."  Conversant for ten minutes, and he's already a Yelper.

The monster's conversion from good-natured Halloween trick into snarky micro-blogger is helped along by Dr. Pretorius, or as I like to call him, Dr. Enabler.  Herr Doktor fills him full of rich food and German wine.  For dessert, he satisfies his jones for a fine cigar.  It's a little tough getting him past the lighting of it - "Aaarrgh! #Fire #baaaaad" - but once he gets to puffing, he settles into his new hedonistic lifestyle quickly.

Dr. Enabler also creates some female companionship for him, although she doesn't take well to being pimped out as monster-escort.  "She pretty, but scream #toomuch."

But in the end, when catastrophe surrounds the monster again, not even the promise of alcohol, tobacco and chicks can make him feel that life is worth living.  "Go - you live'" he says to Dr. Frankenstein.  Dr. Enabler is told, "You, stay.  We belong dead."  The bad doctor shouldn't have tried to slip a flagon of Two-Buck Chuck past a monster who knows which end of the bottle has a cork in it.

I wish I could recommend Frankenstein Wine for this movie, since the company - based in Germansville, Pennsylvania - boasts of wine for both the monster and the bride.  However, the website still says it's "coming in 2011."  Hello, Dr. Webmaster.

I've leaned on this trick before, but it's worth a repeat.  Wine made near the site of the actual Frankenstein castle, in the Franken wine region of Pfalz.  The Hans Wirsching 2010 Iphofer Kronsberg Silvaner Trocken comes in a "Mateus"-shaped bottle known as a bocksbeutel.  It's the traditional bottling of the Franken region.  This product of Silvaner grapes is dry and bold, with a crisp minerality.  You may want to try pairing it with torch-toasted marshmallows.  It's only $16 - affordable enough for a little Dr. Frankenstein experimentation.

What's in that bottle, doctor?

Meeker Vineyards Barberian 2007 - This Geyserville product has "big aromas and huge flavors," and it's said to pair well with the monster's favorite dishes.

Frankenstein glass - Drink from it, or put a candle in it.  Maybe both.  There's an endless supply of this sort of thing on Etsy.

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