Friday, August 23, 2024

Blood Of The Vines - Bad Movies We Love

Pairing‌‌‌ ‌‌‌wine‌‌‌ ‌‌‌with‌‌‌ ‌‌‌movies!‌‌‌  ‌‌‌See‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌hear‌‌‌ ‌‌‌the‌‌‌ ‌‌‌fascinating‌‌‌ ‌‌‌commentary‌‌‌ ‌‌‌for‌‌‌ ‌‌‌these‌‌‌ movies‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌and‌‌‌ ‌‌‌many‌‌‌ ‌‌‌more‌,‌‌ ‌‌‌at‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Trailers‌‌‌ ‌‌‌From‌‌‌ ‌‌‌Hell.‌‌‌ ‌This week, go slumming with some movies that were more in line for Raspberries than Oscars. To take off the edge, we have wine pairings for each.

Plan 9 from Outer Space was directed by Ed Wood, dated as 1959, but released two years earlier under another title, then repackaged for the Southern drive-in circuit. Plan 9 has been hailed as The Worst Movie Ever Made. I've kept my eyes open over the years, and I'll tell you, it's hard to argue against that award.

Aliens try to prevent earthlings from creating a weapon that would end humanity. Why they're so worried about us is a question that gets answered by a song and dance involving sunlight particles exploding. Let's not get too bogged down in fact checking here. Their plan is to resurrect the Earth's dead to create havoc. That right there sounds like a doomsday weapon to me, but Ed Wood had a different POV.

Bela Lugosi is in the movie, but only in footage that Mr. Wood shot before Mr. Lugosi died, then spliced in. The reel was probably filed away next to the one labeled, "Something has upset the buffalo!"

I'm guessing this film may have been the one that spawned Mystery Science Theater, since Plan 9 is the prototype of a bad movie people watch in groups for laughs. Usually while drinking. There is some genuine camp to be found, like Vampira, Criswell, and Zombie Lugosi himself. 

Bela's family keeps his name alive with Bela Lugosi Wines. They happen to make White Zombie Chardonnay, which fits in well with the plan to raise the earth's dead people. It is crafted from Santa Barbara County grapes, which doesn't matter at all to Lugosi at this point, or to a zombie, but should be important to you.  

Deathsport, a sci-fi from 1978, was partially directed by TFH guru Allan Arkush. He was called in to clean up the mess left by the previous visionary, who left the picture due to any of a number of reasons. Everyone was either drunk or high, the set at Vasquez Rocks was too far to drive, nobody wanted to work unless the Playboy Playmate was on the set, or they hated David Carradine. Probably a lot of the last one.

The film was a follow-up to Death Race 2000, only done more hastily, with more booze and drugs, and with a Playboy Playmate and David Carradine. Arkush describes directing the movie as a nightmare in real life. He had to interrupt his prep for Rock and Roll High School in order to try and salvage Deathsport, and I can only say that I'm so glad that it didn't knock that film off the rails. My life would be much poorer today had Arkush and Joe Dante not made R&RHS

The dystopian Deathsport story has too many fantasy names for people and places for my taste, but you gotta love exploding motorcycles. These death machines were utilized in the big sport of the day, combat to the death that would free the criminal who won. Please don't mention to any felons who happen to be running for president that this may be an option. First, he would probably lose. Second, nobody wants to see him on a motorcycle.

There is a winery in Moorpark, CA called Cavaletti Vineyards, which produces a wine named Dystopia. It's an old-style blend of Tempranillo, Alicante Bouschet, Cabernet Sauvignon, Petit Verdot, Graciano and Syrah grapes raised in Los Angeles, Santa Ynez and Ventura County. $45 bucks will get you closer to the end of the world.

1977's Mighty Peking Man is a Hong Kong monster movie. It came out while the world was still basking in the glow of the previous year's King Kong remake. The titular monster is also known as Goliathon, which sounds more like an all-day feature of biblical cartoons. "Mommy, can we stay up and watch the Davey and Goliathon tonight?" "No, dear. That sort of thing puts your father out of the mood."

This MPM monster borrowed a few tricks from the master, Godzilla. He tears up towns, throws things and generally causes commotion as he tromps through the Himalayas. He even uses elephants as bodyguards, although why a giant monster needs a herd of bodyguards is still a mystery. 

A giant Hong Kong monster movie deserves a giant Paso Robles monster wine. Technically, it's Big Red Monster wine, a $20 Zinfandel. They say the palate is big and bold, much like the mighty monster himself. 


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